just because I voice what I feel
then I embrace what I feel
doesn’t change what I feel
nor how I feel
only difference is
that you now know-
how I feel
lies gave me privacy
and your eyes only give me judgement
Trauma
deserter
I don’t want to go to war no more
I don’t want to go to war no more
my body is war torn
my mind is a war room
my heart is the war zone
my last name is Wardlow
wounded warring with the world, at my lows
born and raised a vet
though no one salutes
no one appreciates what I’ve gone through
to be where I am now
embodying experiences that differentiates us
but I don’t wanna go back to war no more
I’m an orphaned ward
being a ward
is no award
it scorned my organs-torment
I just want to live with peace please
I see things
PTSD brings-
forth screams
demons
defeats
dis-ease
disease
deceit
and thee
deceased
in war, I deplete
in war, I’m decreased
in war, I’m debris
someone, anyone! shutdown these emotional wars in me
control alt delete, please!
tear falls
when a tear falls
I wonder
what does it collect
in the midst of its plummet
is it so weighed down by pain,
that gravity has an easier time pulling it down?
does it collect fragments of memories
and after it lands
what of it then?
ruled by emotions
perception is reality
perception is ruled by emotions
emotions create reality
but I don’t know how to feel
I don’t know how to express what I feel
I don’t know why I feel like I feel
because reality tells me what I feel is wrong
perception tells me that feelings are weak
so I hide emotions
or lie that I’m numb
because I fear what my emotions may mean
about me
you
life
reality…
I may always be cloaked in denial
because my main emotion is hurt
and I don’t know how to feel good
well, not at least as much as I feel bad
Harmony
Harmony
harmony
it’s hard to be
it’s hard to breathe
life hardens me
internal arson is harming me
ardently, disarming me
I have no more arm to reach-
for harmony
please harmony
be my armory
garner ardor in my arteries
my heart seeks harmony
my heart speaks harmony
my heart beats harmony-artfully
august breeze
august breeze
all these trees
fall til spring
what does all this mean?
who am I between
these two extremes
the cost of loss and harmony
well I’m extreme
because I feel more lost without harmony
Intolerance Tolerated
Tyrannized by emotions-
of others,
and my own
tribalism-
they terrorize and tear at each other
tears tread
teachings tampered with
trauma tempered tentatively
tame the threat of time with temptation
ooh, the taste of totalitarianism
the treachery of love-
is its temporariness
thoughtfully, we only tolerate our tryst with fear
tantalized by its tense and timid nature
touched
by its distance and indifference
and if someone
or something else
shall get too close…
intolerable