you can not see me
adding your blockers
how can you appreciate me
in your own likeness
you can not empower my ability
adding a kennel
you can’t enjoy my growth
negotiating limits
you met me in a cage
I’m more limitless than encaged senses
free your receptors
so you perceive me as I am truly
not circumstantially
I’m as expansive as any being
if you let me be it
or not
no matter how much less you see
it doesn’t obstruct how vast I am
Mercy
Vent
I feel if
I don’t come out all tough
then it’ll seem like prison
wasn’t hard enough on me
because I don’t fit the stereotype
of exiting after a decade
if I come out all silent
then I’ll be pitied
seen as traumatized
too much cautious space given
and tiptoes echoing my surroundings
but if I come out happy, then what?
am I crazy?
did prison not work?
did it not pummel and beat me into submission?
will you not take heed to the trauma that I endured
because I’m not expressing it outward?
why do I have to be a certain way
for you to acknowledge or keep in mind
what it could have been for me in here
without it dominating my disposition?
I’d like to live life and not have the mug
paranoia and emotional dysfunctions prison creates
I want to be sensitive and let go
I want to be able to cry and laugh
while still saying, yea, prison traumatized me
I struggle at sometimes more than other
yet everyday is battle like recovering addicts
but I get by because I aspire to strive thrive and
do more than just survive, because I am more
than prison
but if I don’t come out worse for wear,
how many will not get the attention they need
because I showed up and came out looking alright
I’m not the norm, listen, I am the exception
trust me!
I’m prideful enough to hide my wear and be armor
so I can have enough in me to go back and be a benefit
I have always had to fit some stereotype my whole life
can I just be soft cuddly and emotionally available
tend to a woman’s tears or maybe in some
distant universe we can share tears
and only the warrior surfaces when the time is pronounced
this is so heavy and draining
I have to think about what you think of me
that I can’t think enough of what I think of me
and what I think those thoughts should mean for me
so I can do more than think of who I should be
because I just wanna be
but you may not know this
you need an indicator to verify a stereotype
or to cancel one
so it can help you decide what action to take
stop looking for signs
everyone hides
faith isn’t seen, yet it is
neither is disguise, except it is
someone just tell me, tell us that it is alright
alright to just be, and there are people out there
that can handle and embrace us in their lives
why look for something already pure and perfect?
make it so
Pain On Me
God
grant that I become more than dirt
manifest me as earth
and let the sky rain everyone’s pain
so that the progress of dirt mud to soil
can become the depths of truth
blooming solutions
and blossoming healing
in this field of love
and I ask
the pollen of empathy
be picked up by the wind of compassion
so that the seeds of oneness
can cross-pollinate with the plains of indifference
growing this divine cycle
between earth, and the sky of wisdom
inhaling the air of knowing
pulled by the gravity of peace
keeping us all grounded, balanced
and let this planet be called righteous
the actions manifested as justice
as it lies in the hands of the universe of harmony
while the stars reflect kindness
and All connected, beneath their light
Ra,
let it rain pain on me
I can bear it, I was made for it
liberate me from fear
so that I may only live in love
Hotep, Ashe
My Mama Veered Left, but We ALL-RIGHT
I just found out…
before my mom went back to jail
she started using again
abusing to blend
the outer influences that have ruined her when
she was truant losing parental rights,
consumed by polluted solutions
diluted for illusions
even the acoustics
of broomsticks moving
couldn’t remove the doom and gloom from the room she was in
prayers for a truce in her sin
mistakes and detached love has been her truth and the rue of her kin
plagued by a traumatic history and the hue in her skin
the rooms starts to spin…
the truth which tombs her within
til her roots spruce on the bend
giving into the ruse of delusions
to get through any mood that’s she’s in
desire and coping habits to the hopeless, are like a noose to her wind
her air cut off, and this is nothing new
this is something I should’ve knew
but the news of it is
she was doing great blooming
til covid became the new nuisance
she couldn’t get any break, so how do you choose when you can’t win?
and this is what I’m used to
this is proof to,
how they debilitate spoon feed and groom you
til you’re set loose from the pen
you’re never free from prison
because prison imprisons
til you’re fatally doomed in the end
and the view is too grim
yet they’ll always have a room for you here
it’s hard, I fight shame frustration and embarrassment
but I’ma still love you mama
I learned this kinda love ain’t learned, it’s inherited
of many things, this is the favorite part of you that I’ve parroted
even through the ups and downs of life’s parodies
you deserve a break, after all you been through, it’s merited
so I’ll be going even harder, and any extra weight you pick up, I’ll help you carry it
the truth is, this is more than a physical collapse, this is mental
I know that battle is actually a war, it’s far from simple
consistence persistence resilience diligence,
what I mean is that I’ma follow-through because it’s essential
after all, experience in this side of life is the best credentials
plus I’m up on my studies,
being a successful healer to me is existential
if my empathic understanding isn’t evidential
then the proof is in the R.U.S.S. initials
because I know emotions are a Cold War like Russian missiles
so your truth won’t be concealed like tucking pistols
no matter what love comes into my life
I’ma represent you right, and not throw you to the side
saying, ‘those just my mother’s issues’
trust and believe, the day you free, I’ma come and get you
so if you fall in your own home, it’ll be your own walls that you’re running into
this is my life, I can never do it part-time
because even the future digs up archives
when you living for the love, then it’s your heart’s prime
and you can endure any kinds of hard times
let my words be a beacon for the dark side
and the dark minds
and the lost minds
and to whomever else my heart finds
because even if you veer left, take a hard right
so you know no matter where you end up, you’ll be alright
WayOfLife
Melodic Verse: Incredulous
how can you want more for me than I want for myself?
that doesn’t make sense
how can you see me suffer and don’t offer no help?
that doesn’t make sense
how can you have the answer but send me somewhere else?
that doesn’t make sense
how can you know me but not wanna know how I feel?
that doesn’t make sense
how can you love me but not wanna feel what I feel?
that doesn’t make sense
blah blah blah blah…
stop making no sense
I seen my mama been suffering
I seen a lot that’s been troubling
I speak my truth and that’s troublesome
I ran a lot but was stumbling
I fell a lot it was humbling
there is a lot that I underwent
there is a lot that I’m up against
I had to break all the cuffs I’m in
I had to cut my circumference
’cause everything company coming with
lessen the strongholds I struggle with
only need one time to learn, I don’t double dip
balance extremes with the subtleties
yaw can’t rebuttal me
I do not need any fucking wit
I take the slights til they’re too much to stomach them
but vomit is humbling
I am Good
remember me
because I am good
I protect the weak
I am as kind as can be
I shelter the roamers
I counsel the lonely
truly I am good
but this nature isn’t always shone
because I have a bad rap
that people will remember more
for now
but I love you
you, as all
and you, as you
and throughout your fears
your, as all
your, as you as well
I just want your love too
fore I am truly good
and desire nothing
but good for you