ashamed
because I tried to be
‘white’
at my best moments
then by default
‘black’
at my worst
ashamed
because I aspired
to be like white people
ashamed
because I aspired
to escape being a black man
lost
because when I hurt
nobody white understands me
some things only black people could understand
lost
because when I hurt
I feel black
only we, understand us
angry
because this world
influenced me to trust white people
more than my own people
happy
because I’m black at my best
and only getting better
because finally
I love my. black. self.
Love
less ain’t more
we need
less white antics
and more white allies
less white advantage
and more black vantage
less speeches
and more performances
less denial
and more admission
less passivity
and more involvement
less color
and more culture
less exclusivity
and more inclusiveness
more questions
and even more answers
and most of all
we need LOVE
glossed over
amongst your personal sacrifices
I neglected to notice your gender and cultural crises
the weight of being a convicted widowed single black mother and surviving
enduring imprisonment and betrayals that casted you out to an island
50 something and sometimes it seems like you never batted an eyelid
transcending addiction and prison and made it to the other side thriving
usually most people would believe a story like yours as binding
making it look so easy at times, that I questioned the strength inside me
your love glow and hope reminding me to keep my eyes from behind me
because I was destined to shine on the eyes I leave behind me
you’ve been glossed over so much in your life that you’re ‘shinning’
MOM, I LOVE that I’m YOUR Son, yet I see YOU SHINNING
unfractured half
my fractured relationships with women
led me to an end I blend with new beginnings
my new beginnings wholed the fractures of my old ending
an end that begins a new shift solely assisted by women
in awe
inspired most by that which makes me great’er’
inspired most by that which compliments my nature
now carried most by that which has become my true saviors
my nature nurtured by whom which I’ve never known any braver
I’m in awe of these real, dynamic, and most abstract creators
this is an ode to those who have been betrayed most by my nature
what if
what if we grew up
then grew apart
but never knew
still consumed by that old spark
burrowed inside bruised hearts
searching for new starts
yet ending back in each others arms
but it wasn’t what we expected
I wasn’t what you expected
but what if it’ll get better