You fight or flight change
I fight or flight for change
Though my fright of heights may fight my flight
Because this fight I flight is fright of change
But even if I’ll never get this right,
I’ll fight my fright instead of flight, for a change.
Inside
paradox
dear world,
I’ve changed
I’m a black man leaving prison soon to a
virus pandemic
economic pandemic
and a social and systemic pandemic
all which affect black and brown people the most
so its hard to be excited to come back to you because
well, you’ve demanded my change
but I see you still haven’t changed much at all
glossed over
amongst your personal sacrifices
I neglected to notice your gender and cultural crises
the weight of being a convicted widowed single black mother and surviving
enduring imprisonment and betrayals that casted you out to an island
50 something and sometimes it seems like you never batted an eyelid
transcending addiction and prison and made it to the other side thriving
usually most people would believe a story like yours as binding
making it look so easy at times, that I questioned the strength inside me
your love glow and hope reminding me to keep my eyes from behind me
because I was destined to shine on the eyes I leave behind me
you’ve been glossed over so much in your life that you’re ‘shinning’
MOM, I LOVE that I’m YOUR Son, yet I see YOU SHINNING
loss can’t be found
life found me on the edge where gravity had tried to push me
the fingers of hope grasping the wings of the wind that hooked me
I’m seeking now, but at first I was merely looking
hoping I wouldn’t see how my own instability shook me
these days cant get no shorter, battles with my own complex
took everything for what it is and once was, until pride got involved, then I took it outside of context
battles wit my mirror and window-reflective objects with no conscience
because one shows me the direction to the world the other shows the direction to myself, broken compass
when you live a lie what’s the point of ever being honest
presently sifting thru past pains because hurt is timeless
Russ please don’t close your eyelids
believing your own bias
I know outside there’s no peace and quiet
and inside there’s riots
caught in a war of opposing dyads
either, ors
up, and downs
black or white
with no middle grounds
and where am I now
somewhere where the lost can’t be found
8:46
can I please have your undivided attention?
eh mhm!
an unarmed Blackman
is actually
an armed Blackman
just by standing
you ARE
bearing Arms
Blackman
black
standing for
insidious mischievous dangerous inept depraved savage and more of a nefarious act than
a noun, when you describe a human
as a Blackman
let’s go across the color spectrum
what sounds less dangerous and less aggressive
when you list people by a color perspective
lets see
what are the other selections?
white-pure
brown-earth
yellow-meek
red-passion
and then black
a pit, abyss, abysmal
fear and ignorance, just a few of the underlining narratives directed
just to keep people reacting in fear, when they come across my complexion
somehow BLACK
is now synonymous with a uncontrollable assault weapons
somehow BLACK
needs to be put down or caged WITHOUT DISCRETION
with EXTREME PREJUDICE
because of EXTREME PREJUDICE
EXTREMISTS teamed with the PRESIDENT
for WHITE society’s protection
handcuffs only leave you powerless to their onslaught
how can a human be met with so much injustice
and encroached upon crutched juxtaposition
fighting to live with the smallest means…just for a position
in a society that entails PEACEKEEPERS
keeping the PEACE as ZOOkeepers
treating the LEAST as BEASTS
like endangered SPECIES
tho its DIScrete
as we continue to DEcrease
DEplete
taste DEfeat
face DISease
Hate and DIS-ease
UNSEEing of any MEans
of FREE SPEECH
BEING
or PEACE
telling PEACEkeepers
that in order to continue keeping the PEACE
you have to DElete
US WEAPONS on the STREET
that are a THREAT
to the PEACE the PoLice, police
so you strip them of their PEACE
using your MEANS as a POLICE
patrolling STREETS with your PIECE
DISTURBING the PEACE
instead of controlling the FLEET of PIECES
tearing human beings to PIECES
making people believe
that if you eliminate US from the STREETS
that you are now an accomplished Peace Bringer
by taking the REAL WEAPONS off the STREETS
PIECE by PIECE
with a KNEE
and a PLEA
of
I CAN’T BREATHE
and you’ve yet to CEASE
while WE SEE
and HE
CEASES to SPEAK
because HE’S DECEASED
but you were JUST
BEING
that brave PEACE…keeper
the way George Floyd died
is synonymous with how our community suffers
with the foot of OPPRESSION
RACISM
PRIVILEGE
AND
PREJUDICE
on our necks from our waking hours and thru-out our slumbers
he felt helpless, then laid lifeless on his stomach
after he BEGGED
he PLEADED
he BARGAINED
he remained OBEDIENT
while CALLING out for GOD and his MOTHER
who died two years prior the same day, it makes you wonder
did she call him home from beyond to call attention
to the real pandemic, that is still going on, which our society covers?
for fear of being believed to be resisting
he ONLY FOUGHT PANIC
while his OPPRESSOR’S PROTECTED assault persisted
EVEN in CUFFS
on your belly
with a KNEE LODGED
in your NECK and BACK
CUTTING off your AIR and CIRCULATION
black man
you are still ARMED and DANGEROUS
how long do we have to cry out for help before you give us real solutions
this country has given the illusion of inclusion and evolution
because they no longer hang us
yet STILL KILLED in our OWN HOMES
how can WE CITIZENS FEEL like strangers
now let’s rewind back to Kaepernick
I see why he was attacked and viewed as an antagonist
he exposed the veils on issues white people rather not confront-
celebrating an anthem tradition
that NEVER celebrated BLACK PEOPLE’S contribution
NOR their INFLUENCE
but feel like patriots remembering dead soldiers
but what about the SLAVES
that DIED FIRST for EVERYTHING they GAVE
and lay FORGOTTEN in their GRAVES
and their DESCENDANTS
feel their EXISTENCE
is STILL in CHAINS
like NOTHING has truly CHANGED
so the pretty privileged take offense
when you come off too blunt and make sense
but let’s not Offend People
that don’t care that their privilege and silence Offends People
DISCOMFORT creates change
this ISN’T misplaced or misdirected rage
NOR is it without purpose
the purpose was showed
PAIN
HUMILIATION
GRIEF
FATIGUE
protests turned riots
they didn’t become what they opposed
THEY ROSE
from the concrete, FED UP
ENOUGH
now I don’t applaud the violence
but riots
are cries
of the silenced
MLKJr-cited
there are times when violence is the voice for the silenced
and this is not a time for kuumbyas and violins
this is a time for Social Status Quo DEFIANCE
this is a time for the MEEK to take their place as LIONS
UNWAVERING faces of NONCOMPLIANCE
backed into every corner we come across
WE
have less room
WE
can’t move
WE
can’t breathe
these claustrophobic feelings so eerily familiar,
that my insides are doing somersaults-
amongst Monarch Butterflys WE’RE STILL treated like shunned caterpillars
inside of SOCIALLY STRUCTURED GENOCIDAL HOLOCAUST
how can we succeed with solely a LOVE-lesson?
when we’re stereotyped-kentucky fried
desensitized
incentivize
the prison’s rise
recidivize
gentrified
now centralized
into subdivisions
we’re SUB-sectioned
and we take the daily SNUBS as TOUGH LOVE and let them-
treat us like monetary bottom lines, problems, and momentary headlines
sensationalized for just the instance-
cloaking the truth of the ‘tolerable cruelty’,
unchecked in the unaffected’s perspective
displaying the fractured whole of our existence-
instead of engineering generational inclusivity and evolution
we become PRISONERS of the moment
NOW EVERYONE is in PRISON-
so how can we ever hope to be freed
when that key
was swallowed the moment those in denial of their PRIVILEGE
CHOSE NOT to LISTEN
the voiceless are NOT YET FREED
so the voiceless WILL SPEAK
because the voiceless STILL BLEED
while the voiceless PLEAD
and so the voiceless TAKE KNEES
but the voiceless was SILENCED WITH A KNEE!
do we have your attention now? NOW DO YOU SEE
how can we change, Capitalism shows that CHANGE isn’t CHEAP
America is slow to CHANGE because CHANGE isn’t FREE
but the first action for a CHANGE, should be a CHANGE of SPEED
so there will not be another 8minutes and 46seconds neglected of those in PAIN AND NEED
my proactiv method
What are we trying to do right?
If we are activists, then what are we speaking to?
Social inequalities and injustices, mass incarceration and prison reform, and a more whole society where all kinds of people are accepted
But how do we do that?
We create organizations and speakers to go out and spread those messages in order to better perform humanitarian acts right
And a lot of these socially conscious people have a holistic or spiritual lifestyle
but what is that
Well if we say that’s who we are, then in that lifestyle we understand the necessary nature of all things, the complimentary relationship of all, and that we are all one, so all things impact each other
yet we go about creating change by separating and tackling symptoms but not digging for the roots to see the causes
It’s like we get stuck on the business side of things where we have to direct a mission statement that tackles identifies and directs itself to an easily absorbable problem in order to be digested by many and then we lock in on that one avenue, but cures tackle a multitude of things from a multitude of ways
but humanitarianism inside of capitalism gets reverted to business and a business has a one track mind of problem and solution, supply and demand, results results results
now you can’t go at the roots, because you need to show financial viability, we get lost in our immediacy, here and now, short attention span world that we only serve instant gratification
we cater to trends instead of courageously creating new trends-new waves innovated to get more people lost at sea to shore, instead of creating content and delivering it in a way that demands attention, we just say people have no time, now by shortcutting the process we short change the impact and the people we are trying to help
we’re scared of risk tho this is all risque
When trying to change things we have to speak about everything, the conditioned mindset, compassion and empathy capacity, by informing and relating, speaking of experiences and trauma not only the system, it has to be personalized, because the system is made by flawed people, but the system is just a thing done by people, it’s not a person, we need to be champions of people, not systems.
Words have meanings and connotations, the broad strokes we paint over process experience and solution does more to disconnect with the paths of certain people, solutions need a personal touch
we seek anecdotes with various methods that are tone deaf, so I searched synonyms that painted a picture of how most people go about finding anecdotes
as follows:
nostrum-an untested and questionable remedy made of secret ingredients, an ineffective solution…
this perpetuates a cycle of diagnose and need
panacea-a universal solution for all problems, diseases, or woes…
but all classes and experiences aren’t created equal
Impasse-a situation that seems to offer no solution or escape, a point of stalemate…
the flaws of a system narrate this definition
Catholicon-a universal remedy…
sounds Catholic, kind of passively coercive
Ratiocinate-to work toward the solution of a problem through logical thinking and reason…
but where does spirituality apply?
In order to want to help people you have to be able to get in touch with your humanity and willingness to listen outside of what you believe you know, in order to do that we have to be comfortable with digging deep, and if that’s hard then we have to have people around that help and make that journey safe and show how to safely do that, we have to reintroduce proper love of others and love of self
we do that by our stories, sharing our truth, so people can see where we are similar, makimng it easy to listen trust and unite, while not seeing our personal beliefs as lines of separation but as doors of oppurtunity to share oneself with another, both by teaching and learning, thereby creating understanding, a common ground
When I’m released, I will go out and work for universal unity, and through that we will create ever lasting relationships consciousness empathy and compassion that will better our society and its forgotten hurt lost angry confused and anxious souls
Working for a better justice economic health and prison system, social responsibility and accountability to each other thru music poetry spoken word performance art and my story, because in order to create true change, we can’t tackle one issue at a time, we have to tackle a lifestyle and embrace the uncomfortable moments it takes in creating it
this WayOfLife-style is love life liberty and enjoyment, and we live that by being bold in our sobering truths
in order for many groups and colors in America to arrive at the awareness and privilege that exists now, which still needs more evolution, they had to embrace being uncomfortable and believe themselves equally worthy of love and liberty
So my moniker is WayOfLife, my way is of love because love is the highest truth, Instead of being comfortable with only parts of someones truth, let’s be bold enough to love them because their full truth, even the things you may not agree with because it’s what makes them them, and you you, there is a harmony to that, a balance and equality struck of allowance
we will be better served if we get out of this force mindset, and start becoming more allowing of peoples peace space and process, only influencing by enlightenment, not entitlement nor enforcement of ideals and methods
So I will be the actionist, because it’s about ACTION, and I will speak and act for the human soul heart body mind and spirit, highlighting the human condition and its cultures, regardless of color although I will make concerted efforts to make aware the plights of my culture and even the culture of others and my experiences walking in the shoes of many different identities from apologist to conformist to alien to lost to light
let’s not keep waiting for moments of tragedy to remind and ignite us to Action