Prose of a Con

Poetry and Prose by Russell Wardlow

Inside

Rapped Tight Prose Verse

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I’m tired of living this life

I’m tired of living this life

I had to change my approach

believing my shadow a coach

believing my mirror a host

desires turned me to a ghost

my skeletons buried in mulch

while hiding from everyone close

alone and those winters get colder

down and out doing the most

I swallowed pride like a Mimosa

breaking my bonds like a Jonas

I took the blame and the onus

I had my highs but more lows

I had to rise from my lowest

but even superman needed Lois

hollup…

this is no act with a Tony

I acted out cuz I’m lonely

I treated women like trophies

all my mistakes like to troll me

all of your blame would control me

I had to grow from the old me–

now you say you know me,

but you do not know me

just only the gist and my phoniest moments

when I had no one to console me

I’m lonely

just show me

a person that’s perfect

all you see is surface

my spine curved like serpents

hurt from carrying all of my burdens

inside I been hurting

I’ve never been certain

I’m worthless

I’m working-

at changing the monster, so you’ll see the man-

not the mayhem that’s lurking

connecting my circuits

inside of my brain

that’s colliding with pain

a colossal of paint

just to cover me, color me vane

leaning on the window pane

feeling like ‘one’ with the rain

but I still feel stained

emotions are flooded,

but I still feel drained

what’s a promise of love with no rings

materials hiding my shame

if we talk about depth I’m estranged

if we talking about debt then I’m vane

I like to talk about my death from this pain

taking my final breath with no name

because I will never be the same

but you may never see my change

I’m sleepless at night

starring at the moon

calling out for my sons

hoping that I’ll see u soon

I’m restless at night

dreaming bout my past

while the day on the way

but these nightmares last

I swear I’m not perfect

to those people I hurted

to those people I’m hurting

I wanna be a better person

Neurotic

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I do NOT have it all together. I don’t know why nobody gets that. I’ve been locked up the better part of a decade, how is that normal to you? So my moods and lows are somehow a surprise. What do you take me for or take this place called prison as?

I am helpless. Too dependent. Trapped.

Emotionally anxious. Guarded and weary. Depressed depressed depressed.

Suppressed, repressed, oppressed.

Overly pressed. Pressed for time. Pressed for change. Pressed for optimism. Pressed buttons.

My every moment is pressurized. I only hold it together for you. Just figured that you’d have figured that by now.

Friendliest Foes

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Agreement

often times creates ignorance and blindness

it’s in the face of opposition

that we see where we truly stand

the chill of objectivity

helps to form our truest conception of self

I noticed enemies have shown me more of myself

than friends.

Friendships are polite and optimistic

with temporary havens of security

and self indulgence.

But opposition

truly showed me things,

I once believed universally good of myself-

obviously good in virtue

of having friends and being friendly-

but was bad for this world

this world I speak of

may be prison

or life, period

it was friends that turned enemy

and enemies that revealed the treachery of friends

and my own foolishness

because at the end of the day

most people will self-serve and preserve

before sacrificing fully for a friend

I was the fool that would sacrifice all for a friend-

or the idea-

the enemies that had blossomed

showed me that I can’t just be agreeable,

having everyone like me

trying to make everyone happy

in order to be loved

because love doesn’t work that way

pliability is sticky

things given,

not worked for

will often foster ingratitude

and suspicion,

it’ll also advertise false allegiance

and manipulative

or thin loyalty

a friend doesn’t really know what it has in a friend

until discontent or trials arise

friends aren’t innately built to show you what you are lacking

in the unfavorable faces of strangers

and opposition

so they may keep you in a state of oblivion

just for vanity sake of being a “good friend”

-less contentious

opposition revels at the chance

to tell you a truth other than what you’ve been made to believe

friends can willingly lie to you

to keep you comfortable

and the friendship safe

as if believing,

disagreements mean a lack of friendship

friends almost got me killed in prison

enemies showed me more love

by their truth and revealed intentions

than the secreted selfish and held truth

I received from some friends

there’s a higher mutual respect now with those old foes

besides most of the friends we acquire

are more acquaintances than friendships

everyone doesn’t deserve to be called friends

even though we all need friends

we also all need opposition

prison made me reevaluate all roles

Our state- ran by brilliant billionaires

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Uh we have the most billionaires per capita in the U.S. here in Nebraska. Pete Ricketts and his family has made government a family business. A quote from our great recently termed out senator Ernie Chambers, in his reelection race, he spent $2.5 million to the opposing candidates $50k. Safe to say he controlled all the media and exposure.

People more easily vote for familiar faces, great tactic. With no cap on campaign spending our policies have been ruled by finances and he has successfully used his seat as governor creating laws that further set up his family. Originally from Chicago, he and his brother are both governors funded by their father whom owns TD Ameritrade and the Cubs. Hey! we have TD Ameritrade here?!

How can he be the voice of a people they’ve never been part of? He has single handedly financed the drug to revamp our death row. As crimes have dropped, incarcerations has heightened. We now have the second most at capacity prison in the U.S.

Covid cases amongst inmates have been hidden, all the while refusing to relieve the capacity for any reason. And he is another practicing tough on crime aristocrat, which is a disproportionate systemical slaughter. He implores the parole board to not grant parole despite public demand and usually terminates most reform and prison overcrowding bills that pass the legislator, but he wants to build another prison! oh yayy!

He’s really made an obvious difference in the black community. There’s even more of a gaping whole of injustices, inequalities and disproportionate absences. We’re 8th in the nation for property taxes and our economy still haven’t recovered from floods 2yrs ago. 2nd per capita in over capacity prisons which solutions seem like more bars, more guards with barely enough staffing as is. Recently there was a bill submitted to make all the prisons here private.

Smart leadership is always rich in the capital they create in every misfortune..

So liberty, justice and opportunity for all at the expense of the broke and the broken!

Unheralded Nebraska Corrections

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Everyone flies over

walks past

or stops by

this middle America

Nebraska

our crime lowered

but imprisonment steadily increases

we’re in a state of emergency

having second most overpopulated correctional system

155% over capacity

with a parole board clinging to inmates

like overly attached parents

but no one cares

no one sees

we’re one of few states left with a parole board

a unicameral red state

big money made from our incarcerated bodies

though worldwide attention is only given to bordering states

but Nebraska has BEEN in need of prison and parole reform

approx 850 inmates still incarcerated past their parole eligibility

yet the answer is to build more beds

or construct another prison

staffing still a problem

most states have no parole board

when eligible, you leave

Nebraska is the quiet evil left to their own devices

flying under the radar

our last hope, Senator Ernie Chambers, just termed out

where do we go from here…but in

because we definitely aren’t getting out!

so can we get some attention

what’s a border, without a middle anyway

Drugged

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Drugs or die

do drugs or die

doing drugs cuz I wanna die

doing drugs cuz I feel dead already

doing drugs cuz I’m scared to feel death

life hurts, death shouldn’t

just say no

it’s harder to say no in prison

plus im coping with drugs

but you say “don’t do drugs”

so I go to your therapy

but to remedy my diagnoses

your therapist prescribes me drugs

I got the message loud and clear

don’t do drugs that you don’t profit from

all addicts know their drug dealers

but I don’t know you

so why should I listen

how are yours different?

drugs

drug dealers

you’re all the same

only difference-

one provides peaceful escape

the other forces it

and life…

well it just seems I have no choice but to cope

so who got the best dope?!