power…
what is too much power
when challenging establishments and norms
when uprooting inequalities and integrating balance
what or when is it too much power
what is the balance too which when one side feels to impeded and imposed upon
what is the shade to with which feels too dark for those closer to the light, and too light for those used to the grasps of darkness
I ask you
what is too much
and what is not enough
is there or will there ever be a zero balance
a place of equilibrium where we all can coexist on equal footing
a line of humanity that doesn’t bend or break to animality
what is too much power
when you have a voice and a mind of your own,
objective enough to know how to recognize a problem and find equatable solutions without bias, all the while subjective enough to conjure its own emotional vulnerability that connects to the emotions of others orchestrating the notes of change
and at what cost for power
what is the consequence of position
is there a fair sacrifice for the power inherited that may make others more uncomfortable in order to make more of the “others” comfortable
well give me that position!
I want power!
that power that can be the bold unwavering compassionate loving and courageous face of change
I’m willing to lay my life down for it, creating generations of prosperity harmony and liberation, all through love
I don’t want to be that person that’s nods their heads and cringes internally, being too uncomfortable to challenge errors biases and oppression because I fear loss
for what is loss to an eternal spirit and soul
this body and its worldly possessions are all temporary
and the things that may bring me to have fear are also all temporary
but that which I love can be forever just as I and we all are at our core
so why lose sight of our eternal natures for our temporary motivations and pleasures
give me power and I will empower
give me power and I will enlighten
give me power and I will ensure energy
the energy that fights and doesnt settle, nor succumbs for possessions or at positions of squander and its rations of prosperity and loss
give me power and I will embolden the silenced
give me power and I will enchant the hopeless
give me power and I wll enable a culture of empathy
and we will move forward to a more peaceful and prosperous paradigm of oneness
give me power because the only thing I fear is accepting the role of being powerless and living helplessly within the same status quo
power won’t change my mind,
my mind has already been changed and evolved from the belief of having a lack of power,
to the finding and now knowing and understanding of the fact that I always had it and didn’t need anyone to grant me it
give me the power because it will change their minds…it will change your mind
and if you can take that change or not will be the decider of how much power, is too much power
but my answer is that, if that power is rooted in love, than only fear would ever seek to limit power, because the power of love and not the love of power, will never be too much power
I am powerful
no sweat
life may be difficult for me I guess
but there’s a fearlessness to the pursuit of greatness
I embrace the stress
even Jordan said,
why would I worry about missing a shot I haven’t taken yet
I live this moment, for the next
disorder
we crave order
yet fear when nature seeks it
fire destroys
making way for the new
people destroy
just for something new, to do
we only seek order that we control
or there will be chaos!
if nature is order
then people are…
deserter
I don’t want to go to war no more
I don’t want to go to war no more
my body is war torn
my mind is a war room
my heart is the war zone
my last name is Wardlow
wounded warring with the world, at my lows
born and raised a vet
though no one salutes
no one appreciates what I’ve gone through
to be where I am now
embodying experiences that differentiates us
but I don’t wanna go back to war no more
I’m an orphaned ward
being a ward
is no award
it scorned my organs-torment
I just want to live with peace please
I see things
PTSD brings-
forth screams
demons
defeats
dis-ease
disease
deceit
and thee
deceased
in war, I deplete
in war, I’m decreased
in war, I’m debris
someone, anyone! shutdown these emotional wars in me
control alt delete, please!
mental pictures
if my mind was a camera
and my eyelids its shutters
then my retinas it’s lens
every time I’d close my eyes
I’d picture a new world
again
and again
a world free in choice
peace
and in mind
then I would have peace of mind
but if that camera was controlled
I’d only see what I was made to see
therefore,
I would never see myself
I’d never see nothing else for that matter
because the eyes are but messengers for the mind
the mind, is what sees
and if I don’t have a mind of my own
then I’ll always see a prison,
or from within one
no matter where I go
the mind is a powerful camera
enabling you to see and capture any image you choose
as long as no one takes control of your camera
your life will be ‘yours’
and so everyday I awake to a freedom,
not perceived by most,
but I see it vivid as day
and it’s always been
just one blink away
*click!
Happy Birthday Josiah
Happy Birthday Josiah
I remember your beautiful image vividly the day of your birthplace Josiah
I don’t mean to be selfish but I wish I was there on your birthday Josiah
although I know its my fault why I ain’t there in the first place Josiah
I heard you play baseball and I wish I was there to call you home safe, to home plate, like at third base Josiah
cuz I wanna get back to u as fast as I can cuz this hurts in the worst place Josiah
this hurts in the worst way
and for so many years I refrained from saying ya name
as if saying would set me a flame
I acted helpless and shamed
I was selfish and vain
and that welded a stain
that’s been pelted by rain
with umbrellas embellished with fangs
that would relish in my skeletons and never restrained
I felt lower than sediment, just a lowly specimen with alotta irrelevant change
that brought me no reverence I was severed with an evident strain
many empty days with no drive only peddling angst
I was hellish not a saint
but now that hell shhhh is faint
like my presence in your life
I’ve been sick without you, and no medicine can’t
add that glow back to my melanin
my lil Lion, nothing will ever be…the same
without your heavenly mane
I can have it all
but still one level remains
because I’m lost and last without you,
beautifully golden complexion, you are my medal to gain
because I won it all when I had you
and lost it all when I lost you
but there’s no more hiding, so no more jekyl remains
no more disguised regrets heckled in chains
because now I will never settle until I can make you feel loved and special again
by the father that you deserve, not just some fellow that gave you a name
Dear Josiah,
I’m more than what’s been said of me, though I deserve everything said since I wasn’t there to speak for myself, and for that and an infinite amount of things that I will be making up for in my lifetime, I am deeply sorry
it took getting here to understand the loss of true value, because the other things I hung onto, like my own pains, had taken the form of value and I allowed them to out value you
apologies never sound good, they aren’t really supposed to-its a statement of things most people rather not have to confront all over again, all just to admit responsibility and express remorse-but its a start, a new start, just like each moment and every day that we get in this life, its a chance for a new start, as long as we see it that way, then nothing is ever too far out of reach or too broken to be fixed, everything remains possible and limitless
and in my dreaded distance from you, I have learned the extent of redemption and the limitlessness of love and life
and like an apology, I, You, no, We, are just getting started
I am eternally sorry Josiah and I have every intention to spend my lifetime making my love and apology felt all throughout your life, the day you are willing to have me in it
I left and lost you at 2, you’ll be 13 by time I’m free…that gap is a lifetime all of its own
creating the hole in your child is never a parents intention, but working to make them whole is a lifetime of itself, and I will be part of the destruction period, count on that
I never forgot you, I just couldn’t reach you, I had to respect the people who were doing what I wasn’t in your life, some situations aren’t meant to be controlled no matter how much you want to, but if you can find the peace in letting go, and trust the process while learning to love yourself thru the treacherous moments when you second guess-remembering there’s more than just yourself being affected-than you will learn value strength trust and patience in their rawest forms and it will make you all the better on the other side of it
the other side in this equation is the day I can finally see you and say,
“I Love You So Much Josiah, Happy Birthday” and then give you a hug because you might just be too big to want your dad kissing on ya cheeks…but it doesn’t mean I still won’t try!