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Prose of a Con

Poetry and Prose by Russell Wardlow

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Trauma

Melodic Verse: Incredulous

July 1, 2021 by Russell Wardlow Leave a Comment

how can you want more for me than I want for myself?
that doesn’t make sense

how can you see me suffer and don’t offer no help?
that doesn’t make sense

how can you have the answer but send me somewhere else?
that doesn’t make sense

how can you know me but not wanna know how I feel?
that doesn’t make sense

how can you love me but not wanna feel what I feel?
that doesn’t make sense

blah blah blah blah…
stop making no sense

I seen my mama been suffering
I seen a lot that’s been troubling
I speak my truth and that’s troublesome
I ran a lot but was stumbling
I fell a lot it was humbling
there is a lot that I underwent
there is a lot that I’m up against
I had to break all the cuffs I’m in
I had to cut my circumference
’cause everything company coming with
lessen the strongholds I struggle with
only need one time to learn, I don’t double dip
balance extremes with the subtleties
yaw can’t rebuttal me
I do not need any fucking wit
I take the slights til they’re too much to stomach them
but vomit is humbling

Filed Under: Mercy, Trauma

Mothman

July 1, 2021 by Russell Wardlow Leave a Comment

tough guy
I see your truth
scared man child
boy
grow up
I smell your fear
the pounds of flesh you pound
projects the pounding you feel
tough guy
emote
tell your truth
if you’re really so tough
OK then
I’m scared!
I’ve hurt for so long
so so so long
I’m tired
I’m ashamed
I’m heavy dark lost empty
no one loves me know me
no one knows me love me
dead daddy, prison mother baby
I have no place
I place myself
accept me
neglect me
no one was ever there to protect me
I’m sorry I hurt people
why is life like this to me
I used to be innocent… a time so so so long ago
I can not remember when
I can not remember childhood
I just want love
just want to love
I’m no tough guy
this bad guy created
to protect wounded abused child
child never had chance
to be child… ish
trauma never says, ‘ouch’
it transforms
cry.

Filed Under: Trauma

The Mind You Frame With

July 1, 2021 by Russell Wardlow Leave a Comment

maybe you look at me different
maybe you look at me? different.
maybe you look at me differently
maybe you look at me. difference?
no matter how you look at me,
I still can’t tell if you see me…different

Filed Under: Trauma

Animal Kingdom

July 1, 2021 by Russell Wardlow Leave a Comment

meek as a lion in a pride full of victims
with an eye full of visions
time dried up his tear ducts
hailed from environments like a siren to eardrums

reigned in creeks, soaked deep in red rum
open wounds a landscape for Epsom
let out a roar, then bedlam!
and there’s no place to exit

…

nonviolent gorilla reconciling with killa’s
they say it takes a village
but the neighborhood pillaged
the fathers imprisoned

opportunism built it
then it was pain that filled it
coping has numbed all feelings
so the gun is emotion… to live you must conceal it

Filed Under: Culture, Trauma

Broken for the Broken

June 29, 2021 by Russell Wardlow Leave a Comment

I don’t want to be healed
they need to be felt
I need someone to get that
and be for me,
what I cannot be for myself
besides in moments with you
because I am a beacon for them
take this burden
and bury worry
I can handle it
if you can handle me
but I’m asking too much
I rather you, offer
healing will end my art
confuse my heart
life is parts
parts of a whole
my parts are all holed
nothing I write is right
nor complete
words used wrong
sense unmade
there are holes
but in that
I find home
no more roam in one day
allow me to be my way
you will realize
I’m unbroken and unbreakable
in that I am broken
a physical state of being spoken
without words, knowing

Filed Under: Love, Mercy, Trauma

Knowing is the Start

June 28, 2021 by Russell Wardlow Leave a Comment

I needed you to see me
so I could see myself
I believed your sight much stronger
than mine own
your capabilities
empowering my own evolution
but I realized
you do not yet see yourself
with your own eyes
and the world has us both
more so than we believed
but alas, there still arises hope
because now we know

Filed Under: Mercy, Trauma

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Prose of a Con

Prose of a Con is a collection of Russell Wardlow’s prose and poetry written entirely behind bars. Through writings on family, spirituality, freedom, love, justice, redemption, and vulnerability, Russell seeks to show the humanity and hope of individuals like himself who are incarcerated.

Read More

  • Whose Mind is it Anyway June 30, 2022
  • Objects June 30, 2022
  • Same Thang, Different Name June 30, 2022
  • Optical Ill-lusions June 30, 2022
  • Hollow Symbols June 30, 2022

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