A lot of people say there is no change until you take responsibility for your actions..true and false, what’s responsibility minus identity? So to change would be to know oneself, inside and out, self knowledge brings about identity, purpose realization and then we arrive at responsibility…the reason so many can’t change because they have no frame of reference to concede to, and then to change you also must know why, why you reacted in the way you desire change from, none of that is accomplished without knowing yourself..so what questions must be asked? What do I like, why do I like it, what do I believe, where did that belief come from/why do I believe it..what makes me happy, why does it give me joy, to know that deeply is to know its reciprocal right? What do I want to be, why? Once these basic questions are known, you create a foundation of self knowledge, now all the little intangible questions and answers come into play and once you start knowing not only what, but why, then you can accept responsibility because what and why already highlighted at the least an identity, a pattern of behavior/ a realization, purpose then is always subjective, it’s never a definite but responsibility is once you know yourself, otherwise you’re accepting a right and wrong from a moral compass, or character that is not your own but an assumed or concocted summary of bad habits and ill affirmation that gets based a lot on trauma fears and past hang ups..Dr. Russ..
Spirit
We danced
We danced-
I danced to the vibrato of a siren with the eyes of fire
A rhythmic inferno, a melodic hurricane
Swiftly I was taken away by her song,
Damn she can sing-
The way she gave cadence to my heart
The way she commanded my soul
The way she shackled my breath!
The way! She, said, my, name…
The way my spirit applauded in the wake of my imploded mind
That voice, her song is talk, she sings gracefully
She is choir of euphoria
Phantom like in her essence
Hypnotically sensuous! Ah!
She spoke..and gave balance to my upturned life
I thought I was the Libra, she is a collage of every zodiac
A true star
How can I ever be out of sync, for she is my harmony
My life is now her instrument, her music, her song
Strum my heart strings like a violin, a cello, a guitar
I live inside of her orchestra
My passion thrives in her opera
Our connection is a concert, we perform in-tune each day
Enchantment is a symphony in the way that it flows
She is it’s composer, yet still we danced
Tecumseh Skies
Tecumseh skies
I get lost in them, sunrise to sunsets
I crane my neck atop of my spinal column, my flesh stacking like a stack of pancakes
As my eyes soar the vertical limits, dazed in awe
Hypnotized by the littering of oil pastels across the skyline
Streaks painting the atmosphere a collage of colors
As if God has a canvass of infinite textures swiping freely in some cosmic design I’m unaware of
Beauty in its randomness
Magenta, navy blue, sky blue, flamingo pink, reddish orange with specks of yellow and gold..
[intercom]
Head back to your unit Wardlow
Reverie snapped
Quickly swallowed back into the mouth of hell
It’s teeth gnashing at my worn black boots
My body, once weightless, now heavy, feeling every push of gravity towards the stained grey concrete
I reluctantly begin to walk
I pass dead green grass, dirty grey fencing, and a morbid tan khaki colored clothing
A color some will go to their graves in
Until tomorrow
Tecumseh skies
Defy
Realize I define Defy when I speak
Defy, I defied the tides of this sea
Denied, my reply, I’m tied to this dream!
Defiant, a lion, alive, I don’t sleep
Aligned with defiance, a light when I think
Like science, I’ve tried it, and I’m on the brink
Poseidon’s trident on my side, waters subside, I won’t sink
Collide with the skies like I’m flying, Orion, I’m dying to meet
Like a pilot defying my peak
Defying Goliath, with Defy as my rock, tied to a sling
It seems,
We all been lost in the dark
Trying to find truth in the light
Yet we are blinded by sight
Stuck in denial until we realize
Pain is real life!
Body language incites and ignites
The changing of minds
So we can either fade in time
Or stand tall, climb out our disguise and defy
Defy
Trying to keep Hope Alive
I never dared to have faith while in prison,
death is so poetic here
And so is the contradiction of living between walls.
I never thought much when I saw an old candle with a bright flame,
until a few days ago
I spoke with an old man adorning a young spirit.
Charismatic, confident, and motivated
Outwardly overly optimistic
But I looked into his eyes for the first time the other day
As he spoke about the grandeur coming if we were to meet once free
I was took distracted by the way his irises are beginning to grey and yellow at the edges,
Product of 30-40 plus years in prison
His dream, amongst other things, is to become a producer
The paradox of hope inside of hell, he continues to amaze me
but I saw something deeper and more morbid deep in his focus
He played me a slew of beats, to which he has a few hundred created on his keyboard
But I sat there distracted
All I could think about is how thin of a thread he is holding onto
And one last rejection of freedom may cost him his most important beat of all
His heartbeat
Trying to keep hope alive
Changed for the worse
Prison helps you fall quicker than rise…
Normalcy becomes chaos
Impassivity becomes rage.
He now dances in the misery of rain
He thrives in the torturous contortions that fuel his agony
Amused by tears now..
As if they are of another world he once knew
He reaches out to touch one and then quickly snaps out of his reverie!
No place for compassion within the midst of a riot
He sleeps soundly in the welcoming arms of calamity
He has stands stoic
He loves the adrenaline rush-ion roulette of self inflicted wounds
Time refined his masochism, anything to feel again
He stands numb
He plots the casualty of kinship
Prefering to dine alonecat his table of destruction
His misery prefers no company
Solitary madness, he drinks down tragedy until drunken
He sharpens the teeth of pain
Because its all he knows, because love doesn’t live here
To live, he had to adapt..he just got lost even sooner
Deep inside this Sado-masochistic sanctuary
He, like so many more, changed for the worse in prison