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Prose of a Con

Poetry and Prose by Russell Wardlow

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Russell Wardlow

Lost Feels

January 22, 2020 by Russell Wardlow Leave a Comment

Why does my hand go thru you every time I try to, touch

why do I always seem to fail every time I try to, love

why do I always feel like I fall when I try to get, up

I don’t know what you feel like anymore

I don’t know what love feels like anymore

I don’t know what up feels like anymore

I don’t know what us feels like anymore..

Filed Under: Inside, Love, Trauma

Paralysis

January 21, 2020 by Russell Wardlow Leave a Comment

Some days I think I fell and must’ve bust my head-

I see stars

never knowing where I stand-

the floors gone

balancing on wobbly legs-

an earthquake

feeling every step is near the ledge-

oops

I never seem to understand-

I’m con-fused

everything you claim to have said-

am I deaf?

only hearing your judgement in my head-

I’m guilty?

makes me wonder what the hell I plead-

no contest it only made me need you less and less-

like weight gain

I think I must’ve fell and bumped my head-

migraines..

waking on the wrong side of the bed-

I’m cranky seeing more of you at my worst times-

feel I’m dizzy you only remind me, of my worst times-

you been busy

listen to you? do you listen to yourself

besides,

how can you help me, if you can’t see that you need help

try lifting me up, I feel buried

say its tough love, but I feel the contrary

everything you say gets contradicted

no wonder I struggle with confidence

using me like condiments

doing things for compliments-

you’re welcome

whats the moral of a story

when you you only tell a morsel of the story

there’s no gift in giving something you don’t want

don’t tell me loss is good,

just to feel you’ve won

damn!

you make me feel I fell and bust my head

I no longer feel my arms and legs-

I’m paralyzed

Filed Under: Culture, Inside, Love, Trauma

Mirror Mirror

January 20, 2020 by Russell Wardlow Leave a Comment

Mirror mirror come off the wall

follow me everywhere I go

make dreams, reality

seeing myself everywhere

seeing myself in everything

Filed Under: Culture, Mercy, Spirit

Professing

January 20, 2020 by Russell Wardlow Leave a Comment

I wish I could find the time,

to tell u that I love u

somehow I can’t find the time,

to tell myself the truth

I’m still a child at times,

so what do I know about love?

but will u be my Valentine,

I can only take u a day at a time.

Filed Under: Inside, Love, Spirit

Love Challenge

January 20, 2020 by Russell Wardlow Leave a Comment

Truth or Dare?

Love somehow has always been hard to receive, and only selectively given in my experience, maybe its the same with you? But Love at its core shouldn’t have qualifiers, maybe intimate Love, but not the basis of Love. That’s a hard concept to conceive somehow, maybe its that way because we don’t all view ourselves as equal and describe people by their difference. I guess with social norms involving communication that target a persons features before it accepts a persons sameness, no wonder its hard to see us as all the same. Its been hard for me to not either sexualize women, or compete with and size up another man based off how I view him next to myself-a view which cant be that great if people are automatically a challenge or fantasy in my limited lens comparing who I was and how’d that image would fit with what I viewed the other person to be. So I tried, and am trying this “Love Challenge”. Because we are all one, we are all people, we are all one race, and color is a feature, background is an explanation, culture is a facet, language is communication, clothing is a comfort, opinion is a preference, habit is a choice, life is an experience and perception is an understanding…but none of these are things that make us different at our core. So how can we just focus on Loving one another? Well I figure, instead of trying to acquire these qualifiers of who a person is, what they did or do, what they like or believe…we just focus on Loving them because they are people and deserving of Love, just as you are. How many times do you hear something about a person and instantly you judge it to the person you believe yourself to be, and that judgement decides if this person is worthy of your Love and how much of it you will give? That;s not right, Love shouldn’t be value based, that is a means of separation, not inclusivity. Because make no mistake about it, interacting is an act of Love, life is a proclamation of Love, smiling is a show of Love, greetings are a symptom of Love, what we do, can be an act of Love in all its forms if we choose it to be, while stripping away our blockers, and seeing thru the lens of Love. So here’s the challenge, go up to a person and say, “I Love You, I don’t know you and I don’t need to, because it doesn’t matter, you deserve Love and deserve to know that you are Loved regardless of anything else because it is not my business”. Given that Love should be a natural gift and present for us, we should all react beautifully, but since we don’t treat Love with the Love it deserves, we will see the truth, the damage we’ve done to ourselves and this world, because most people reaction will not display comfort and gratitude. But you can’t deny the affects of an act of Love, they will think on it all day, and will more likely speak about it and repeat it because how it made them feel, just as you will continue the act because how it made you feel! Maybe a friend will be gained, an important dialogue will be struck, a life will be changed and saved, or at the bare minimum, you showed someone something other than hate fear and indifference, sending positive energy out into the world and it will manifest the same positive energy back(reciprocity). So if I can say this to men- of all people, in prison- of all places, with a smile and contentment regardless of the response, than you have no excuse…try it once and remember how it made you feel, it’ll change you for the better! Then maybe you’ll treat Love better, hence treating people better, and treating yourself better proclaiming out loud who you are and what you and everyone else deserves…which is Love. There shouldn’t be a prerequisite time or moment to confess Love, the time is now! Love isn’t cliche nor taboo, hate fear intolerance indifference and separation should be! Instead we should be inseparable from

Love!

No matter who you are, I Love You!

#lovechallenge

I dare you!

Rules: when you see familiar people or unfamiliar people, you have to tell them that you love them, with no filler words, you are able to explain the why, but you have to be direct sincere and compassionate about it no matter the reaction you receive, be content and smile and either move on or share dialogue and let Love take you where it does and take a mental inventory of how people respond to you and how you begin to feel throughout the week. Embrace the discomfort, its where life begins!

You have to do this for a full week! but I bet you’ll make a habit of it

the moment the word comes to your mind, don’t hold it in, spew it almost unconsciously, because that’s how frequent Love deserves to be given, unconsciously automatic. Our spirit is endearing, so be who you are at your core-endearing, which is tirelessly Loving, mindful, compassionate, empathetic, welcoming, and unifying

Be contagious and spread it

ready?

set?

Love!

Filed Under: Culture, Love, Spirit

Stood Over

January 20, 2020 by Russell Wardlow Leave a Comment

I wish people understood me

rather than standing over,

looking down on me

basking in me looking up

but I see no sun

I’m only covered by their shade

there are no shadows

when you live in darkness

no one understands

how it feels to stand under

until you’re stood over

because that darkness

is the combined shadows of everyone

and they never see you

until they look down

there is no light.

Filed Under: Culture, Trauma

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Prose of a Con

Prose of a Con is a collection of Russell Wardlow’s prose and poetry written entirely behind bars. Through writings on family, spirituality, freedom, love, justice, redemption, and vulnerability, Russell seeks to show the humanity and hope of individuals like himself who are incarcerated.

Read More

  • Whose Mind is it Anyway June 30, 2022
  • Objects June 30, 2022
  • Same Thang, Different Name June 30, 2022
  • Optical Ill-lusions June 30, 2022
  • Hollow Symbols June 30, 2022

Themes

  • Culture
  • Inside
  • Love
  • Mercy
  • Spirit
  • Trauma
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