Poetry and Prose by Russell Wardlow
As I promised escape
she accepted my offer
breaking her former chains
she breathlessly ran
and ran
and ran
possessed by the wind at her face
the calling of freedom
racing the plains of her heart
there was no slowing her-
until she collided with her destiny
the impact both moved and captured her
this was how she dreamed to be halted
standing tranquil motionless but unimpeded
ears fixed to his chest,
just listening
and listening
serenity and serendipity
finally free in his arms.
Losing touch
everything happening so fast
but at a distance
communication without connection
thinking has become mechanic
taking the humanity out of interactions
everything isn’t made to be fixed
some things function better broken
why seek the broken to fix them
I rather blend in
and in that,
we all heal
because pain
is more than a subject concept or algorithm
its an experience
and some experiences
don’t beg for answers
nor opinions and expertise
just a like spirit that gets it
communing through-
understanding, time
communication,
empathy,
and connection
rather understanding, then navigation
instead of a diagnosis I
don’t want to be fixed
nothing is wrong with me
what’s wrong
is that you may think there is
and that’s what needs fixing.
You never knew me
how could you?
I didn’t..
I was never drawn to you
you weren’t broken enough
I acknowledge and welcomed your presence
even recognized your dialect
I’ve spoken many different tongues myself-
like love pain naivete
and even ignorance
just not privileged
cultured in my own ways I suppose
I’ve been around
though not far,
but far enough to know-
we spoke a different language
from a time split by experiences
instead of years
I code switched and spoke your language to fit in
yet when I spoke my language-
I was sore thumbs
we trek from two different worlds
you run from the things I embrace
denying the realities I know exist
how could we coexist intimately in a shared space
when our philosophies would clash and crash
because frankly
I’ve seen it all
yet still I seek
and even question in places where no light creeps
but you’re still scared of the dark
entertaining bed time stories about my life experiences
no, you never knew me,
truthfully you never wanted to
because we all innately fear what we don’t understand
and you will never understand me
it would tarnish your outlook-
like a kid finding out Santa was a hoax
so why would I entertain fear
especially now that I’m living free of it
my life is more museum to people like you
feel free to exhibit
but keep your distance
and don’t touch!
Light
its brilliant intensity
tempting and intimidating
sympathizing with burrowers
darkness heels the promises of light
a sort of comfort in being unseen
once fear of the unseen escapes you
besides
its only your imagination-
creating what has yet to manifest
irony, I suppose
imagination being this freedom
yet shackling you in this moment
the mind lives in a darkness more forgiving than light
because the shade may temporarily conquer truth
nurturing and then sheltering fairy tales
where exposure, it’s brutal reality
demands accountability
ignorance is..
shaded
Twinkle twinkle lonely star
I wonder…
if alone
are you still hot enough
to warm the cold space that surrounds you?
do you affect your environment
or like us mortal,
just consumed by it?
for we only see the luster of your exterior
like each other
aware of your chemistry
we act as if your composition is solely elemental
is their life in you
a destiny
a humanity calling out within your celestial nature,
are you made to shine within a whole
or apart and alone
heating the cold
because you rarely stand out
stars so far from you,
shine and seem so close
ironic..
how it can seem so crowded up there
and its anything but
maybe sad even
seeing so many
but knowing no one
disconnected
aware of what makes you the same
though distance is difference
just like people
those closest shine brightest
but you still wonder about the others out there
do they feel like you..
maybe we’re the same
you and I
never truly alone
though we feel it
finding our way
being stuck in place
and somehow we still stand out
or shine, so to speak
seen for what we offer
a small light
thru the sucking darkness
twinkle twinkle
I no longer wonder
Will u or won’t u be clearer
I can not see what u depicting
I don’t like the picture u pitching
u picked it..go figure
the pixels are blemished
and it all resembles a mess, I’m a mess
a mosaic of massacres
cracks in the glass make me look like a masochist
and u draw the line
but at this line of scrimmage
I’m tackled for loss
then forget my description
a critic,
that doesn’t like critics
I know-hypocritical
confronting myself, all I hear is crickets
and ribbits…
I hate this exhibit
this hate I exhibit
is because I’m livid
from living with friction
and fiction
and feminine differences
distance
and friendships
I’ve lost, that fall to resistance
my vision gets crippled
I crack up and peer in the ripples
my sweat starts to dribble
then trickle then cycle- ice cycles
reflection gets frigid
I fidget
I feel like I’m fucked up, fuck it, I’m finished
forget it
forget this
too much weight that I bear, I am not fit for forgiveness
my wrongs are like scriptures I’ve written
I’m hungry, I eat whats forbidden
so pride ends up bitten
all I feel is tension
defensive
good riddens
don’t mention
my limits
I hate that u witnessed-
this look! that looked like I swallowed a handful of lemons
and crumbles when talking with women
I’m downing a bottle of Guinness
I drown when I’m swimming
just give me a minute…
I know I don’t make any sense
like proof with out evidence, I mean ever since
I looked right in the mirror, my senses dispensed
I’m numb, what I’m saying-
I needed to vent
put my hand on the mirror but there are no prints
so now I’m convinced
that I am not real, and I’m never content
therefore loving myself will take longer than this
words to the mirror..