Dear woman
I fail to respect you
Dear woman
I’ve stolen your worth
Dear woman
I take you for granted
Dear woman
I basked in your submission
Dear woman
I lied for your good, to protect you
Dear woman
I just lied again
Dear woman
I am a parasite, I live because of you, not in spite of
Dear woman
I need more guidance than I’ll allude, I can never make my mind up
Dear woman
be my backbone, I’ll give you credit in bed
Dear woman
my role is cemented with me ahead
Dear woman
take one for the team
Dear woman
take care of our family and delay your dreams
Dear woman
extension of me, give me your hand
Dear woman
I’m sorry, forgive me, I’m such a man
Trauma
SuProsed2B-A-Con: Do more than exist, Live.
We owe it to people to be open enough to understand them, not because everyone deserves to be heard, this is true, but what can you truly learn if you are so closed off and so woven into your own way. Life is about growth, evolution, and adaptation, all of which are stymied by a closed mind and a jaded heart which will only implant blockers on eyes and ears. The bravest thing you can do is not leap out there in assumptions of others, but jumping out there to understand yourself, so to better understand others. Fear factor, it’s discomforting admitting to self that you may be alien to self. So we all need to know in depth how we feel, how it controls the thoughts we conceive, the emotions that arise after which alters our behavior. We need to understand our own what’s and why’s so we can know how. Dare look at your fears and how they control your life and understanding. Fear, just like love, can be presented in many forms. In life, we should embark and embrace, not resist, because that is only a mere existence. Dare to know yourself, so you can know someone else and truly live by seeing the beauty of difference and the divinity of knowledge, only then can we really learn, teach and empower. Don’t assume, find out, enjoy the journey of discovery. So find the comfort in being uncomfortable at times. Teaching is learning twice, life ceases without knowledge. Do more than exist, Live.
I didn’t know what I didn’t know
now I know why I didn’t grow
I tried reaping what I didn’t sow
so, opportunities kissed me goodbye under a mistletoe
I try to right more wrongs than my pencil wrote
had to get comfortable knowing that erasing ignorance isn’t so blissful
I owed it to myself to listen and know more
I owed it to you, to listen and know more
SuProsed2B-A-Con: If you know someone in prison
If you have a loved one or know anyone in prison, the most important thing you need to know is that deep down they are hurting, lost, ashamed, and feeling guilty. It’s a full time job hiding it in a place where weakness is prayed on. Imagine what that constant lie can do to a beaten down psyche, we all aren’t as strong as we may seem behind bars, weights don’t strengthen what’s inside, this isn’t built for a human to fully function and exist. Day by day it wears on us, the disguise is work in itself. So I ask, if you love them, don’t lie to them, empower them but also let them know their wrongs and what they need to change, because he/she is the last one to get the hint of a change needed within. Lastly, be consistent, don’t come and go, it tears at us, once trust has vanished and loneliness becomes adaptation, we become more animal than people. We are lied to, tested, cheated, defeated, and discouraged everyday, so we need the exact opposite at times to mend the damage. Not many are brave enough to cry Help! So I’ll do it for them. Help them! Pattern is adapted once belief is cemented or hope is lost. There’s comfort in letdowns because they’re expected, surprises are unsettling, unsettle them! Wrong becomes a way because no other way is shown and invested in. Love takes energy and time, so does pain, but only one is worn on the sleeve detected, the other, detached. Change starts with self worth, our self worth is garnered by someone seeing more than we do in ourselves. Don’t leave them, because their hope follows in your wake.
He or she may not know how to ask
he or she may be more ashamed of their past
he or she has to transform to survive
but after all that transformation, how much of the real them is still alive
we don’t always know what’s best for us
but a life is changed when real love invests in us
so don’t forget them, because it’s what they expect
the contrasts in life are the real reality checks
this is what it looks like, being broken, still trying to show that you’re strong
this is where you end up, after never correcting your wrongs
this is what it feels like, when an hour in a day is too damn long
this is loneliness, when most of the day is spent hugging the phone or humming a song
Damage
Damage
we love, we damage
I caused you damage
I called you, damaged
I call you “damage”
until the ‘dam’ broke
naturally, wounds ‘age’
your wounds…’aged’
scars Never heal
only concealed
Damaged
Blues
Blues, I closed my eyes once and spoke to a wind
She came and went
she thought I’d never get the hint
but I always knew she’d be back again
only vibrations, imagination is what sees
She lied at the origin of my drool
swaying back and fourth like water in a pool
I just wanted to catch her breeze
blown away by the melody in her timely gusts
the force of her speech
the endless range of her reach
distilled cool in every shared touch
she’d never commit, yet hoping I’d understand
how could she, her nature is all that she can be
I’m gone in and with the wind, knowing her fading energy is likened to a plea
every instance I reach out to disrupt her departure, result- an empty hand
hear the sorrow in her distant whistle
feel the hollowness in her evaporated presence
mourning her essence
blues, I once spoke with a wind…
she was just a whistle away
SuProsed to be a Con: Reasons & Relative Relationships
I phrased it this way because I believe we need to understand the role, construct and impact that feelings and emotions play in our life. Feelings lead to emotions, emotions control thoughts, and thoughts doctor perception, and as I’ve already stated, perception becomes reality, it sets a precedence for our behavior. So what does this mean? I wasn’t connected with myself to know that there was deeper puppet masters within me pulling the strings in my life, I avoided feelings, I preferred the calm and constant in numb. I chased relationships as an escape from feeling, only to add to the feelings I tried so hard fleeing from. Each time I’d combust, never knowing what was the fuse that would set me off…what would make me want it, fight for it, control it, then push it away…the ‘it’ being love, lust, sex, women and commitment. Was I lonely? I thought not, I had endless friends, women and attention…but every relationship became toxic, I entered them for the wrong reasons or under a misguided allure, a substitution for reality, and the women I attracted, well..even if you don’t wear it on your sleeve, misery still loves company, I was broken and collected a jar of already broken hearts that I tried to heal and remodel in my vision as if I was God. When bad plans go south…frustration, anger, withdrawing, lashing out…everything that shouldn’t have taken place, did. Who honestly blames themselves and sees their own role in the midst of turmoil? Abuse…verbal and physical…the biggest shames of my life, became a presence…the very things that altered and shaped my birth and upbringing…I fell into the same desperate destructive acts I hated so much. Reasons…growing up without constant love or a family bond, I seemed love in all the wrong places chasing hard after value, I wanted to be valued by someone, anyone! Maybe I was mad at my mother’s constant absence in and out of prison, the lack of a father’s presence, the many different homes I lived in…but I always dealt with it by not dealing with it. Surreal how what we run from we become, innocent abuse I call it, when we hurt others as a result of trying to doing anything not to be hurt. Relationships, I never knew exactly what kind of woman I wanted or what the ideal woman looked and acted like. I pursued my mother’s brand of love with attributes of close friends and people I admired, trying to craft a likeliness I could tolerate as if she was clay. Going into relationships for the wrong reasons, let alone setting off trying to change someone will end or endure the same way each time…chaos…implosions. So before you can love others, you have to learn how to love yourself and have value for self so you know how to see it in others. I had no self worth. You need to understand what’s still hurting, haunting and holding you back, you have to have a control and healthy knowledge of your emotions and feelings so your reasons will always be clear, and the relationships will have a chance. Your reasons are relative in everything you do, especially your relationships…stop fighting your feelings, get to know them just as well as you strive to know that of your love. Know why you are loved so you can love better, know why you want love so you don’t inherit toxic love. Understand that the things inside you left unchecked and resolved have the potential to tear you down piece by piece, and your breaking will ironically be in the peace that you are after…mine was hidden in relationships, the igniter of my undoing…where do you hide? It’s all relative.
-WayOfLife-