Trauma

black men
black kings!

WE think like them
we believe like them
we behave like them
we speak like them
we reason like them!
Sahu man!
we separate and rival just like them!
we disconnect and individualize just like them
we dispute and war just like them
we pick sides and tribalize just like them
we hate others and idolize just like them
we hate them and we hate us just like them
we go about righting wrongs and reclaiming liberty just like them
we over explain, technicalize, contradict, and rationalize just like them
because we can’t see ourselves and refuse to live truth just like them
only differences is that they refuse by any means necessary
and we only lend the least amount of means necessary, unlike them!
Who are you but a Sahu Man?!
Animal of no will
and only instinct
You have no legacy and the fate of your seeds are tossed amongst the weeds,
the thoughts speech deeds and kids you breed
all for grievance and greed
and we see women and kids just like them!
we have become the possession of the enemy
we have become the enemy
we are our own enemy
we are our worst enemy!

I’m irate!
they joke and call me Faraconvict
I say Pharaohconvict
I’m a pharaoh true, so the first sound needs no introduction if that’s something your conscious mind has summoned
unless you know minister faracon, then it need be placed in context
cuz as far as faracon, well let me make that make sense
because not for nothing, there’s noted reasons
aimed at and for those whom aren’t for and at my being
my double helix
this double consciousness
gives me double reasons
for double my healing
from double bleeding
I’m double seeing
a double meaning
one that’s more subtle and scuttles through tunneled visions
funneled thru dark bodies that stumble on shuffling freedoms
which demand you to humble your double nostrils for doubled breathing
assimilated with authoritative complexes for double brown-nosing
because “dis here dem good white people’s air!”
so tread double light, when you travel don’t double dribble
cuz there’s no stunt doubles, but doubled rules and doubled refs that’ll double whistle like a double foul and bust your dumb def and blind dark double bubble black body being black!
so if you fumble inside this double jeopardy, that’s a double penance
and you’ll lose more than your balls, metaphor for manhood, more than ya freedom, just may be your body
so the cost of your broken pieces will double into a triple doubled prison, mind body soul with a quadruple doubled sentence

stop trying to add up loses and all this division
quiet your logic for a minute, suspend it
cuz it doesn’t make sense and that’s the sense, it’s senseless!
so save your census of opinions
cuz this construct is a concrete constructed dominion!
physically we’ve been reduced to cogs, bots and minions!
what. a. far. fall.
and these are the things that fuel me!

don’t crip me, don’t blood me, don’t nigga me don’t g me becuz you don’t see me!

if you see me,
then you would see denzel because I am a man on fire
an insane man in America kwesi
in a state of rage almost all the time karenga
because we hate who we are and love who we can’t be, Umar
having two warring ideals inside my one black body du bois
and I’m embroiled, enflamed, engulfed with heat with inferno like flames inside of the biggest oven in the world

there is a place for hate in America! hate is America in this guise of Hope!

what we talking bout, besides just more shit to talk about
what’s freedom when your body is dispensable for the sake of democracy and rhetoric diatribing rage for bemoaning a snail pace for change
while some of the most freed brains are isolated in chains
behind thick and seemingly impenetrable concrete
metaphor
such are these laws logic and language we lethargically lavish loving the limited luxury laden illusions as leaders dilute us with disillusioned solutions while we’re losing the blueprint of the x’s and Hamptons and Luther’s consumed with allusions of truth with the most selfish of views languishing moments to rise yet accepting the loops of the noose shown as proof that times are changing and that we’re just soooo close!
and we’re slowly getting there!
oops!

and this is supposed to have some solution at the end isn’t it
it’s supposed to do something other than enflame and sensationalize the incident
which is eminent that we’ll be direct victims or traumatically the remnants, as the residue of those innocent to witnesses depict a sentiment that people actually give a shit
I mean people, all those people that matter
all those black lives that matter
all those blue lives that matter
red yellow green brown whatever!
like they actually all really give a shit!
and like giving a shit will make a difference
and that is the exact sinister enigma I’m hinting here!
it. doesn’t. matter.
it just creates more chatter
I walked along the yard needing ventilation and seeing every1 trolled in their own egotistical blather and hysterical laughter
even a person trying to hype up a fight cuz he was bored and was let down when the accordance didn’t accord
a kind looking like my kind was the kind of sort
my highest mind divorced
from that kind of time cuz that theatre and theme of mind is dwarfed
and I stop seeing my gigantic people and began seeing a bunch of dwarfs
contributing to the continued killing of sovereign spirits beyond remorse
and I pondered which was worse?
the image of the direct picture of venomous hate rekindling a truth of the views of the secreted thoughts of these Europeans that you can’t even find peace in stores
or the deliberate ignorant genocidal depictions of cult religions we call hoods and politic’n we dismember our memories and regal figures for

calling ourselves niggas in front of people who see niggers but as you call them niggaz, if they say nigga or nigger you have an uproar

like this is my cage my prison my ignorance my misery my self hate my fear my truth my identity my stolen legacy and it’s all I got and don’t you dare try to steal it from me!
my mental wordplay to show my cleverness and resilience I stole power and depowered your down power to black and brown power although it repowered your seeds flowered to repossessed the black and brown bodies every up and down hour and its just enough to keep us from getting too stirred and sour
look nigga I’m a genius!
and I’ll protect this word quicker than I’ll protect my legacy, my home, my kids, my women, their wombs, my rights mind spirit heart and body!
I’ll even let you tell me don’t trust my heart and that the mind is master!
yes’m master!

they said that this was pure evil
still manipulated by visuals
such are lower-conscious individuals
this evil is beneath and behind the scenes and when it surfaces like pimples, you’re repelled
point and hope to quell the uprising of a slick sickness that risen with more power
than the shocked shell of ourselves that illuminates the narrative of how and where we continue to fail
the evil is that we don’t care…

and that white people take up platforms to show they care by pontificating and than giving the mic to agreeable black bewildered
battered brown nosers unaware
still hiding like underwear
hoping to hell for help crying out “this isn’t fair”
acting as if this is rare
and who the hell do they have to go to…?
and that’s the point
and I know good white people
but that’s the point
and most of them may get offended
and that’s the point!
yet some,
they know what we don’t know
but where are we
beside capitulating to this pure ‘evil’
take the ‘d’ from disillusioned is what makes a ‘devil’
because disillusionment creates a ‘veil’
and now hear no see no speak no monkeys is pure evil!
its been in front of us the whole time
blind, blinded and bound!
and we wait for some “courageous” hate filled white face to remind
us where we see ourselves, taking advantage of the moment to no longer blind us
by doing the very thing that is implied within the fabric of this country with a direct assault!
and even they are ignorant but closer to the truth than we
and it’s only for the moment because emotions are what bind us
but we hide those too
so keepers are finders
someone knows what we don’t know
and we’re as kept as the nigga we ride for
and the lies we die for
kept by our keepers findings

but where’s the angry black man and woman being telecast, screaming their angst
who gave the camera for that, cuz losing life isn’t neat
it isn’t pretty!
pity is not needed
we know this isn’t fair and that this isn’t rare
but the problem is that it’s a full time job to care

today this room should be filled
but today it shows our veils
and white America’s shield
and this is the stuff that can get you…that’s gets you killed
and this is what fuels me, forreal

and I ask myself what is this
what is this that fuels me
then I realize its the same as them
but on the other side of the meaning
pure evil.