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Prose of a Con

Poetry and Prose by Russell Wardlow

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Where am I?

May 3, 2022 by Russell Wardlow Leave a Comment

today I looked from my top bunk
and saw my position
an overhead lay out
of which I am stocked within
filed away
and my senses became hallucinatory
realization piercing this reality’s veil
and I honed in on my imprisonment
I felt stricken with confusion and grief
dizzying the sounds sights and beings became
I was in denial
traumatized by each second
as my mind wandered and wondered
unsatisfied with each place it landed
I became hot
more forehead poured sweat
I jumped from my bed woozy
beings around asked of my disposition
I tried to explain but couldn’t
I began to shake
my left leg having a nervous reverberation of its own
unceasing in its shakes
I left the bay area
seeking relief or answers
hoping for calm but I knew there was none to find
for I knew what I was experience
and it shattered me
my conception of self dissected
and reintegrated, and I felt the horrors of this existence
the lies and blindness uttered around me
the encasement of my being and potential
I was in shock
and this man saw me
he understood
a stranger to me, but he hugged me
and said I get it..I been there
I don’t know if he really did
but he reached beyond the veil of my comforts
extending his warmth
and I felt less alien at that moment
while still alien to this
this construct everyone seems content with
“I don’t belong here”
I said to myself
and that was all I could muster for reason
but even that had many meanings
or maybe mundane diagnosis can explain this
PTSD? Anxiety?
I think not, so I said to myself
where am I
but my senses could not answer that question
because I was never posing it to them

Filed Under: Inside, Trauma

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Prose of a Con

Prose of a Con is a collection of Russell Wardlow’s prose and poetry written entirely behind bars. Through writings on family, spirituality, freedom, love, justice, redemption, and vulnerability, Russell seeks to show the humanity and hope of individuals like himself who are incarcerated.

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  • Optical Ill-lusions June 30, 2022
  • Hollow Symbols June 30, 2022

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