Poetry and Prose by Russell Wardlow
Stuck in this prison
Tunnelin vision
Never stumble, stomach rumbles, and stomachin tension
Drama comes I’m unencumbered
No comforters, no comfortable livin
Survived disgruntled mumbles of Russell
His struggles and troubles consistent
The sun doesn’t visit
My sons don’t visit
No one comes to visit
Came undone for a minute
But I’ll be done in a minute, I’ll be done in a minute..
If I fall, would you fall with me
Would you believe, that we
Would fall in leaves..or fall in love
Would you fear that plummet into the unknown
The rustling sounds in a pile of change
Inside the symbolic nature of autumn leaves
Growth, change, evolution, resurrection
I call it life, I call it love
Not leaves
Are you caught between
The choice of freefalling into uncertainty
Versus trusting the strength of your own two legs
That never fail to stand tall
Yet you stand alone
Above the leaves like a barren tree
So if I fall
Will you fall With me?
I’m not crazy, I just don’t conform
to societal norms
I’m anything but uniform
I’m everything but uninformed
I’m not crazy, you just hide yourself
in spite yourself
You fight what’s inside yourself
You probably don’t drink because you wouldnt think, and that would remind yourself
I’m not crazy, I’m just too sane
Denial is using two brains
You may as well use two names
You can tie your shoes but your screws are loose and you are too vane
I’m not crazy, I just admit I’m different
I don’t keep the mirror distant
I’m too old for fiction, I try to stay consistent
being normal is a contradiction
A baby, born in the haze of the shading phasing fading crazy late 80’s
A diamond never erodes
He took a walk on every road
Spoke from a tongue to which he never holds-
Back, moving toward a blind fate that forever beholds
Creativity, individualism, indifference, unique
black swan, black sheep, black diamond mystique
I’m not crazy, I’m just comfortable standing alone on my own two feet
You’re not crazy if you agree, and feel just like me
but I’m crazy…
I will never forget the reason I laughed until I cried
The laughs that turned to tears
I can never forget the story of each dried tear
I can never forget the feeling of the nights I cried alone
Because, still I laugh..
Still I laugh
I ask myself sometimes..
What is it about bad news that sometimes settles me
As if the culmination of let downs makes it unfathomable for me to endure something good
Or the audacity of savoring something great
The hope for it seems just as ridiculous
Is it the comfort of no further expectations within the flat line of bad news
Is it the good news always has the possibility of turning bad, as if I’m half across a high line tight rope
Why is my comfort in misery or self masochism more easily lived with
But my promise haunts me more than goodbyes?
Maybe that’s what it is, the goodbyes I expect
The ones to come and the ones that came
I’ve spent my whole life remembering
Slammed doors, dial tones and more backs than faces
So its hard now to face you and every promise that comes attached
So don’t believe in me, I’m just another case of bad news
Goodbye freedom, goodbye opportunities, goodbye love…
At least I said it first this time
How channeled
We wake, every day, safe, to a stained forever in mornings
I just spoke with an angel
That lives with faith, every day, ordained by her way, yet just lost some feathers from mourning
and still
Before the sun rays, bake her face, she places her fate in adorning
A God
That she praises, while amazed by his grace, as she prays like a saint, for patience through her aches as
She’s soaring
What I am saying is…
Even though she’s an angel, she goes through the same pain that we all feel in our life
Growth is a painful process that she endures and embraces through her faith in Christ
Her belief in a plan and purpose, helps her weather the pain beneath her surface, so she, even weakened to
Her knees, speaks that she believes joy will come through her mourning
So every day that we wake, maybe we all should embrace a belief strong enough to chase, so we can all
Taste that everlasting joy in the morning
I just spoke with an angel…
The lessons I still learn and love I still see even in your grief, amazing…