Prose of a Con

Poetry and Prose by Russell Wardlow

Spirit

Alien

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You never knew me

how could you?

I didn’t..

I was never drawn to you

you weren’t broken enough

I acknowledge and welcomed your presence

even recognized your dialect

I’ve spoken many different tongues myself-

like love pain naivete

and even ignorance

just not privileged

cultured in my own ways I suppose

I’ve been around

though not far,

but far enough to know-

we spoke a different language

from a time split by experiences

instead of years

I code switched and spoke your language to fit in

yet when I spoke my language-

I was sore thumbs

we trek from two different worlds

you run from the things I embrace

denying the realities I know exist

how could we coexist intimately in a shared space

when our philosophies would clash and crash

because frankly

I’ve seen it all

yet still I seek

and even question in places where no light creeps

but you’re still scared of the dark

entertaining bed time stories about my life experiences

no, you never knew me,

truthfully you never wanted to

because we all innately fear what we don’t understand

and you will never understand me

it would tarnish your outlook-

like a kid finding out Santa was a hoax

so why would I entertain fear

especially now that I’m living free of it

my life is more museum to people like you

feel free to exhibit

but keep your distance

and don’t touch!

Dim Some

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Light

its brilliant intensity

tempting and intimidating

sympathizing with burrowers

darkness heels the promises of light

a sort of comfort in being unseen

once fear of the unseen escapes you

besides

its only your imagination-

creating what has yet to manifest

irony, I suppose

imagination being this freedom

yet shackling you in this moment

the mind lives in a darkness more forgiving than light

because the shade may temporarily conquer truth

nurturing and then sheltering fairy tales

where exposure, it’s brutal reality

demands accountability

ignorance is..

shaded

Wondered

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Twinkle twinkle lonely star

I wonder…

if alone

are you still hot enough

to warm the cold space that surrounds you?

do you affect your environment

or like us mortal,

just consumed by it?

for we only see the luster of your exterior

like each other

aware of your chemistry

we act as if your composition is solely elemental

is their life in you

a destiny

a humanity calling out within your celestial nature,

are you made to shine within a whole

or apart and alone

heating the cold

because you rarely stand out

stars so far from you,

shine and seem so close

ironic..

how it can seem so crowded up there

and its anything but

maybe sad even

seeing so many

but knowing no one

disconnected

aware of what makes you the same

though distance is difference

just like people

those closest shine brightest

but you still wonder about the others out there

do they feel like you..

maybe we’re the same

you and I

never truly alone

though we feel it

finding our way

being stuck in place

and somehow we still stand out

or shine, so to speak

seen for what we offer

a small light

thru the sucking darkness

twinkle twinkle

I no longer wonder

Words to a Mirror

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Will u or won’t u be clearer

I can not see what u depicting

I don’t like the picture u pitching

u picked it..go figure

the pixels are blemished

and it all resembles a mess, I’m a mess

a mosaic of massacres

cracks in the glass make me look like a masochist

and u draw the line

but at this line of scrimmage

I’m tackled for loss

then forget my description

a critic,

that doesn’t like critics

I know-hypocritical

confronting myself, all I hear is crickets

and ribbits…

I hate this exhibit

this hate I exhibit

is because I’m livid

from living with friction

and fiction

and feminine differences

distance

and friendships

I’ve lost, that fall to resistance

my vision gets crippled

I crack up and peer in the ripples

my sweat starts to dribble

then trickle then cycle- ice cycles

reflection gets frigid

I fidget

I feel like I’m fucked up, fuck it, I’m finished

forget it

forget this

too much weight that I bear, I am not fit for forgiveness

my wrongs are like scriptures I’ve written

I’m hungry, I eat whats forbidden

so pride ends up bitten

all I feel is tension

defensive

good riddens

don’t mention

my limits

I hate that u witnessed-

this look! that looked like I swallowed a handful of lemons

and crumbles when talking with women

I’m downing a bottle of Guinness

I drown when I’m swimming

just give me a minute…

I know I don’t make any sense

like proof with out evidence, I mean ever since

I looked right in the mirror, my senses dispensed

I’m numb, what I’m saying-

I needed to vent

put my hand on the mirror but there are no prints

so now I’m convinced

that I am not real, and I’m never content

therefore loving myself will take longer than this

words to the mirror..

Professing

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I wish I could find the time,

to tell u that I love u

somehow I can’t find the time,

to tell myself the truth

I’m still a child at times,

so what do I know about love?

but will u be my Valentine,

I can only take u a day at a time.