Prose of a Con

Poetry and Prose by Russell Wardlow

Spirit

I got Demons (song by WayOfLife)

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I got demons in my bodyyyy
and I make’em feel at home
cuz ain’t no place like home
and ain’t no place to roam
I got my third eye on
they won’t face they fate alone
embracing every wrong
I been peeping everybodyyyy
I can’t be no ‘April’ fool
one day I ‘May’ atone
one day I might be gone
so I stay inside my zone
and shoot my WayOfLife cologne
cuz everybody like a drone
hangin up recorded phones

and everybody getting drawn
to the art I’m drawn
kill’em with ambition-that’s my Art of War
and there can’t be no peace- until there’s all-out war
I gotta do me- I can’t forget my chores
word to the women!- I can’t give up my choice
and word to my people!- we can’t give up our voice
and word to the cons!- cuz ima lend my voice
and ima outlive every choice
and I will never fear the noise!

I got demons in my bodyyyy
and I make’em feel at home
cuz ain’t no place like home
and ain’t no place to roam
I got my third eye on
they won’t face they fate alone
embracing every wrong
I been peeping everybodyyyy
I can’t be no ‘April’ fool
one day I ‘May’ atone
one day I might be gone
so I stay inside my zone
and shoot my WayOfLife cologne
cuz everybody like a drone
hangin up recorded phones

yea I’m paranoid,
but that’s because some deeper voids
that I can’t seek and destroy
becuz there’s so much to this world
and I’m feeling all the weight
that’s why I can not wait
because everydays’a race
and I’m going all the Way
I can’t get outside My Way
that’s how they took me out the Way
and you would call me cray,
with all the things I have to say
but that’s just for another day
I hope we make it to that day
becuz im trying not to stray
but sometimes I walk away
take the Harden way,
asking for a trade,
but you wouldn’t trade my place
and nobody can take my place
feeling good in my own skin, yea I’m feeling safe
so I embrace my fate
and savor every date
knowing one day I’ll be great
well at least one day yaw’ll know
but it’s better that you’re late
and ima save a plate
then you can eat it on the way
but nobody can stay
when Me and My Demons pray

I got demons in my bodyyyy
and I make’em feel at home
cuz ain’t no place like home
and ain’t no place to roam
I got my third eye on
they won’t face they fate alone
embracing every wrong
I been peeping everybodyyyy
I can’t be no April fool
one day I May atone
one day I might be gone
so I stay inside my zone
and shoot my WayOfLife cologne
cuz everybody like a drone
hangin up recorded phones

Learning to Speak and Live for More than Just Me

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I tried calling myself an activist
but that is a process
a process of enduring more than just your own pain
but managing the pain of others
making it harder to deal with your own problems
I forgot about all the breakdowns and failures on the way
I believed I went through it all, so what could be worse
but it is the steady longsuffering that you sign up for
the energies that you absorb as your own
the radar and target that you place upon yourself
the many obstacles and obstructions that come at you
the people in power that want to silence you
the ones that want to keep everything the same by any means necessary
I forgot about this
I forgot about having to make decisions not only for myself,
but for my sons,
for my support system and partners
and for the people behind the walls
there is no real peace
peace has to be found inside the work
contentment has to be salvaged and honed in the process of it all
you have to be the person bigger than everyone that wants to make you smaller
you can’t slip up and have human moments
you must be as perfect as you can be
I get it LeBron James
Colin Kaepernick
Ruth ‘kiki’ Bader-Ginsburg
Martin Luther King Jr
Malcolm X
Muhammed Ali
Billie Jean King
and the too many to name others
because if I mess up
it’s not only me that takes the hit
if I mess up, we all mess up
the message gets messed up
but it doesn’t stop here, ima bang my head
and keep banging it until there is nothing left to bang against
then I’ll turn around and say, “come, follow, and let’s lead together”
and we’ll look forth to more barriers to break down, together
but for now, I will take the hits and the brunt of it all
just like the many before me
because it’s never easy learning to speak and live for more than just yourself

Carry On

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her branches,
stubborn as rigamortis

her foundation,
deep as roots

her trunk,
wide as family

her leaves,
present

and her reach,
parted the clouds

and she grew,
as it rained

for her soil,
is love

and no winds,
could sway her

and no weather,
could uproot her

and the seasons,
lauded her resilience

because her essence,
was as a tree

a tree of-
life
prosperity
and health

and let it be so, she said

unmoved by challenges of the coming days
she lived in the now
her being reverberating an omnipresence
and her constance became a symbol for

life
prosperity
and health

ase(pronounced ah-Shay)

Siren-ity

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as the winds settle
the feather lands
as the air thickens
the lungs expand
as the light radiates
the dark dissipates
as the frequencies vibrate
the world speaks to me
and I hear you calling, peace

Changing Changes Changelessness

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my body plunged by this mighty sword of life
blood of my life force rained down both sides
one side was of the injustices I was to experience
and the other, innocence I was to lose
as I cried out to the sky of imbalance
breathing the air of judgment
sobbing the inequalities of my being
I pondered love-
the fuel of my spirit
the vital essence of my being-
wondering why has it came under attack
before it first had a chance to stand
pain, wounds, and their callouses
armoring my body from love
and so life has been dulled by jade
entrapped by desensitization
the majesty of feelings, foreign
and freedom, alien
I scream in agony my confusion
whimpering for more than what is
heaving for signs
as my tears fall alone
my shadow holed by the sword of life
and tomorrow the neighbor of misery
though I deem its company
if only for the hope of a new life
where the sword of life can be sheathed at my side
fighting away the evils of darkness
slicing its way through what once agonized me
redemption, the handle of my sword I gripped heartily
fencing with despair
retribution, the cold shinning steel I wielded
jousting its tip into fears I once succumbed to
and resurrection became mine
defeating what once plunged itself deep inside the birth me
realizing, it was life that had killed me
nor love that calloused me
and not even ‘my’ fears of both,
which kept me silent, still, sore, secluded, and weeping
it was you
and I don’t need your acceptance,
I finally accept myself
even if you can’t accept that
but you will
because I am also a force
and from here on,
nothing will change the same

Feet Don’t Fail Me Now

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through every cheer and jeer
feet don’t fail me now,
I can see the end is near
feet don’t fail me now,

through the marsh and mud
feet don’t fail me now,
through the tears and blood
feet don’t fail me now,

through the quicksand and valleys
feet don’t fail me now,
through the ravines and alleys
feet don’t fail me now

through the love and hate
feet don’t fail me now
through the trials that I face
feet don’t fail me now

through my strides to become great
feet don’t fail me now
through every right and wrong that I create
feet don’t fail me now

through the darkness, in search of some light
feet don’t fail me now
through my weakened states still summoning might
feet don’t fail me now

through taunts and abuses of power
feet don’t fail me now
through every minute that feels like an hour
feet don’t fail me now

though every prejudice and stereotype
feet don’t fail me now
through every pain that squeezes every bit of me inside
feet don’t fail me now

through the longing for my sons
feet don’t fail me now
through every subtraction and plight to overcome
feet don’t fail me now

I don’t want this
I didn’t ask for this
strength is only an illusion of moments put together
where I come out standing
as opposed to lying prone
to the gravity of life
and the road of redemption I trek
is high and rocky
and I am weary
but as I began to sink and fall
I felt my feet being lifted and my body transported to the everlasting finish line of promise and purpose
my feet became my team
they picked me up, from where I left off
so that I would know no failure, only respite
I realized at that moment
this road I walked, this journey I trekked-
wasn’t endured alone no longer
though I face my own trials
I don’t face them alone
because my triumph is in that I have more than two feet
and I had to fall to realize that I wouldn’t hit rock bottom again
because the ground is now hands and hearts
that are here, with me
and are there, needing me
so how can I fail, when I, is We
We BlackSheep Flocks and Shepards
Thank You.