I tried calling myself an activist
but that is a process
a process of enduring more than just your own pain
but managing the pain of others
making it harder to deal with your own problems
I forgot about all the breakdowns and failures on the way
I believed I went through it all, so what could be worse
but it is the steady longsuffering that you sign up for
the energies that you absorb as your own
the radar and target that you place upon yourself
the many obstacles and obstructions that come at you
the people in power that want to silence you
the ones that want to keep everything the same by any means necessary
I forgot about this
I forgot about having to make decisions not only for myself,
but for my sons,
for my support system and partners
and for the people behind the walls
there is no real peace
peace has to be found inside the work
contentment has to be salvaged and honed in the process of it all
you have to be the person bigger than everyone that wants to make you smaller
you can’t slip up and have human moments
you must be as perfect as you can be
I get it LeBron James
Colin Kaepernick
Ruth ‘kiki’ Bader-Ginsburg
Martin Luther King Jr
Malcolm X
Muhammed Ali
Billie Jean King
and the too many to name others
because if I mess up
it’s not only me that takes the hit
if I mess up, we all mess up
the message gets messed up
but it doesn’t stop here, ima bang my head
and keep banging it until there is nothing left to bang against
then I’ll turn around and say, “come, follow, and let’s lead together”
and we’ll look forth to more barriers to break down, together
but for now, I will take the hits and the brunt of it all
just like the many before me
because it’s never easy learning to speak and live for more than just yourself
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