Love

I’m all in now

but I’m fallin down

so I’m callin out

cause I’m fallin still-

where is the ground?

where are you now?

when I call your name

I don’t hear a sound

I fear my voice

the echoes tell truths

that I am alone

alone without you

alone in this room

who turned out the lights?

I turned around

when you turned me down.

I closed my eyes

tears formed a line

the line that I draw

a line you still cross

cross out the day

the day that we met

cross out my picture

so you will forget

and can’t see me when

when you close your eyes

and can’t hear my voice

and can’t see me cry.

I’m fallin down

cause I fell for you

I did it on my own

but I am your fool.

you love the power

the power that u have

the power you hold over

over my head.

can’t go to sleep

I’m slow to speak

head over feet

cuz I was head over…hills.

I am so ill

u broke my will

those flowers will wilt but

I love u still.

Though your heart is steel

staring at our stills

those moments that we steal

are none of them real.

I was just reeled

but I can not deal

I was your shield

but where is my shield?

Are we stuck in nil

would you rather I kneel?

Do you ever feel?

when you see me…falling…still?

Let’s take a chance on this titanic

even tho its a sinking ship, I’m a hopeless romantic

plus we shouldn’t over think our possible ending, let’s be organic

its to our benefit to see things better than they appear, we’ll add to this vantage, for our own advantage

I call a few times, she doesn’t answer

shh, voices, Russell don’t panic

maybe she sleepin

and doesn’t see it

quick, come up with a dozen reasons

to try and ignore that my stomach is seizing

self consciousness is so misleading

calm your thoughts, control your breathing

on this brisk summer evening

amongst the sun and the breezes

although the weather feels to fair to wonder if someone is cheating

let go of that heart that u wear under ur sleeve and leave it to the seamstress

maybe she’ll message me later, or maybe not…plucking petals

love comes with a dozen levels

those moments u call out, and u aren’t heard but hear a hundred echoes

there goes those voices, they’re far from helpful

let go

or, should I voice my thoughts

but at what cost

not all honesty is truth

so the way some things come across

may accelerate the loss

ugh

I’m at a loss

what do I do

trying to play it cool

may only prolong me feeling like a fool …

in the end

damn it I thought I said we shouldn’t over think our possible ending

but fears come to light when you live in the shadow of foreshadowing

I try to weather my own forecast that forms forks in the road

consuming half-hearted whichever direction I take

errrrr

press the brakes

shit!

too late

gulp that sour pride with the sugarry brim that blinds the truth for the moment until you

swallow hard, divorcing the responsibility of when men mess up because we still call it a miss-take

she was just out of signal, out of range

that text was confirmed sent the same time you couldn’t cancel the one that you sent

reading while wishing you weren’t lucid

feeling so stupid

when we embrace self doubt, thoughts can turn maleficent

the whole time you were assuming, she was thinking of you and had been trying to get ahold of you ever since

the time stamp you read guiltily is her innocent evidence

yea, she took a chance on that titanic

she just didn’t know that the ship would be sunken by a hopeless romantic

she said goodbye, jack!