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Prose of a Con

Poetry and Prose by Russell Wardlow

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Love

Believe Me You

January 20, 2020 by Russell Wardlow Leave a Comment

Believe Me You

the surface is see thru

some things you just need to see it thru

and maybe you’ll see Me in you

instead of wrapping yourself up in seeing things with reasoning and meanings that is only seasonal

Believe Me You

we’re all one, so I believe in you

because it is I, Me, We, that I see in You

everything is not what it seems, if the seam is between Me and You

separated only by genes, not color schemes, and material means that should mean nothing more than things to You

fall in love with the process, even pain, because experiences thru out the years only serve to season You

reality is what you make of it, knowledge isn’t bland, so experience is seasoned food Believe Me You

I see a theme of dreams in You

Love, is how I’d choose to speak to You

because God is Love, and Love is all, so even if We never meet, I hope Love is what I mean to You

We’re God’s creation, so We never would have to greet for Me to see who I’m speaking to

You may not know Me, though I think of You oh, and the world is what I think of You!

I can still Love You even if I don’t agree with You your individuality is what I hope is woken and stays free in You

I pray You never believe there’s limits to what a Life of Love can bring to You the gift of Darkness is that You know Light, and I see deep that your Light has high beams and gleams in you

Believe Me You

I is We, so hopefully I can lean on you

your roots produce the fruits you reap, I see the tree in You

bask in your sprouting growth and worry less of leaves leaving You

your Spirit is Eternal, your body and this world only has a lease on You

don’t corrupt your mind by letting temporary things speak for You

Faith is believing in things unseen and reasoning with the unbelievable

the only Time is Now, thoughts manifest your moment, so basing tomorrow from the past is unfeasible

no matter who and where You are, I have Faith right Now I’m reaching You

Believe Me You

Me is You

if You see the ‘We’ in ‘Week’, not weak, because We will see it thru

Filed Under: Culture, Love, Mercy, Spirit

Dreams

January 20, 2020 by Russell Wardlow Leave a Comment

I used to have dreams…

I’m out of my mind now

you call me crazy

like who are you to tell me that I should think more

of the things I dream for

as if you’ve seen what I’ve seen and can deem that my dream is lore

I said I Used to have dreams but what were those dreams for?

what? would they make my life mean more

putting up all these see thru barriers, like screen doors

running from mirrors, yet attention I fiend for

money over everything but me, in my mind I hover clouds and green floors!

I said I used to dream

but I wouldn’t speak about the things I would dream for

emotions confused as thoughts,

thoughts confused as emotions

put in motion, doing anything by any means just to have a dream to dream for just to have the means for

materials that would make me mean more

despite whatever it means, as long as it means more!

But reality told me to dream on

so I listened and dreamed more

but imagination is too abstract to lean on

then my knees hit the concrete so hard that my jeans tore

have you ever chased something you willing to get scrapes and bleed for?

that something inspiring you to get up of the canvass and fight on like a theme song?

I said I used to dream

well I guess those dreams are gone

now every waking moment is akin to the darkest before dawn

Filed Under: Love, Mercy, Spirit, Trauma

It’s How You Say It

January 20, 2020 by Russell Wardlow Leave a Comment

People act like certain people can’t understand things if you don’t just tell them straight up…its not what but how

us convicts understand

yea, maybe I have a little more credibility than some

but I observed an amp’d up verbal

as two men were parting

I simply walked by with my YoungR.U.S.S energy

and said

we need to act more out of love, than the fear that we call anger!

he kept walking and said ‘what?’

so I re-stated,

we need to act more out of love, than out of fear which we call anger!

he said, ‘I feel that’

we shook up

then he asked about me making my special nachos

and since he felt me,

though I try to avoid cooking for others

I said bet,

next time I make them, you in

he said “Sunday, cuz “Claws” come on”

my nachos are Nobel peace worthy!

just speak with compassion

feed the soul…then the belly

though we feed our fears most

our real hunger is for Love.

Filed Under: Culture, Inside, Love, Spirit

Russel

January 20, 2020 by Russell Wardlow Leave a Comment

Russell

who are you?

what does that even mean, who am I?

Answering that question sometimes is as weird and uncomfortable as asking it

You are strength power reserve resilience perseverance creative individual original idealistic spiritually exuberant champion brave and courageous

but what you aren’t, is identity

you aren’t confidence as much as you are pride ego indignity

you are just as much beaten down and weak as you are strong and powerful but this is why you are reserve resilience and perseverance

yet still instilled like steel, you are just as much deflated simple and predictable as you are creative

you are just as much judged, judgmental, hated, and hateful as you are your own individual you are every bit of everybody else their business and opinions as you are original and idealistic

you are every bit of shaped as much as u are a shape-shifter

u are every bit scared and fearful as u are brave and courageous

u are every bit a loser as u are a champion

you are a robot on autopilot

why?

Because u succumb

because u just put up

because u can do bad all by yourself

and u just koo and chillin

and u not trippin

and you wit it

and fuck it

cuz its whatever

and u not phased

and u just doing u

and ‘it is what it is’

and you in your own lane

same shit different day…

why…

why is dreaming for more and putting the work in so hard for you?

What, are u just good with complaining?

Accepting everything as is?

Then u hate on people dream of more

and that’s koo, but u have no real self value

all u do is what u been trained

and don’t say that ain’t tru

but that ain’t u

u living everyone else’s expectations

no matter how great or bad

ready to blow up and defend Nothing first chance you get at who u deem as opposition really,

u battling yourself and your own fears, needing respect and exposure

life is already a war, so why do u insist on creating more wars and battle wounds for yourself fighting all these different faces just as lost scared and confused as u

in the field just so u can have a story to tell

u wanna ‘keep it real, thorough, a hunned and all’

but if u in a mood u don’t wanna here the truth

so since you all about dares then..

I dare you!

to become, instead of just being

I dare you!

to exercise restraint while directing your pain towards a path of purpose-

not believing you are selling yourself short by not reacting,

but realizing that by proactivity, you make more gains towards a future built by You-

rather than one built for you by being impulsive, acting out of fear-which you call anger

no

u not mad

u just a scared boy that’s too afraid to grow up

believing your pain and story is something special and different than everyone else’s…

in a fight, who gets the best seats, the spectator or the fighter?

I dare you to stop spectating, and fight for more

fight for yourself to become yourself

don’t fight yourself because you’re scared and scarred

those are self inflicted, stop lying to yourself!

become you! let’s think out the box for a second

radical as opposed to conventional wisdoms…

what if i told you that the way you view the word ‘selfish’ has made you feel sorry for everybody outside of u

that u have no time and energy for self growth

that it keeps u in the same position

because your meaning of sacrifice is actually sabotage

because u hate yourself!

and u rather just do for others so u can stop thinking about who it is that u believe they see when they look at u

what if I told u that working on self is the best way to help someone else?

I is We

helping yourself is helping others

how can u improve things outside of u-

if the barriers inside u, have u so cut off that u can’t take heed to your own message-

u can’t even see yourself no more

how can u have an idea of what other people need if u don’t know what u need?!

u can’t build self value off others

u build self value by building self up

then u help by showing others how to do the same-

we are built to build UP, not accumulate build up

the cycles you get stuck in are of your own creation

when u lead for self,

when the only voice u hear is your own,

and the voice of those u try to help are mute,

than what are u doing?

stop preaching!

live your truth

let go of yesterday and tomorrow

be present

right here and now

you are a teacher just by all you’ve experienced

a teacher gives a platform for voices

a teacher learns twice by teaching

a teacher embraces the challenge of learning thru experience self growth and new environments

once u figure that we’re all a product of our environment,

u can choose to make your environment productive

your environment isn’t just who you are

u can create and move your environment

but “without discipline there is no development” Maulana Karenga said that

ultimately, you are who you create yourself to be

so next time I ask you who you are,

your answer should be a creation of your own

not of someone else’s

so, who are you?

Young R.U.S.S.!

Filed Under: Culture, Love, Mercy, Spirit

Can’t Help It

January 20, 2020 by Russell Wardlow Leave a Comment

I can’t help it

if I look at you,

when I look at you,

sneaking looks at you,

gahh, I can’t help it!

We can’t help who we meet

where we meet them

how we meet them

I can’t help where we met!

That we met

and wanting more than to meet you,

but I can help you meet me-

beyond this scenery

I’m, beyond this scenery.

There’s seasoning, but if this is mostly what you see in me

it’s ok, I can’t help it.

Filed Under: Inside, Love, Mercy, Spirit, Trauma

What is a Flower?

January 20, 2020 by Russell Wardlow Leave a Comment

A symbol of love, an expression of love’s beauty, an offering and gift of love’s promise, a present picked for that love…hmm, what do you find when you go looking in the dirt? There is, and always will be weeds and crawling critters amongst the earth, but anyone that has picked flowers, picked from the dirt. How is it, that that is forgotten or lost on the mind, the things we deem so beautiful and symbolic to love, come from the very place we scorn as dirty and beneath us. The same place we all came from. A field of flowers is just a land of dirt decorated by floral wonders. So why continue to cast such a dark light on prison, not all things that grow in here are insects and weeds, there are many flowers too! Albeit, wild flowers, still flowers all the same. I’ve known and conversed with a few roses, lillies, violets, hydrangeas, sunflowers, and the like. Beautiful symbols of love, beautiful gifts once offered their fair share of love, unique expressions of gratitude from love- waiting to be seen and picked out from the dirt-to which has become their blessing and curse. Yet, home is home, we cant always change our background or out landscape our environment, but we can still rise and only hope to be seen. Seen as flowers and more than our environment, though gracious praise of the environment that blossomed the flowers we came to be. What will it take to bloom and be clean in your eyes, because it seems the world believes that you cant find love nor a good seed and flower deserving to be plucked from it’s prison. In the light of the sun, I try to believe that I’m more than this dirt that surrounds me. Although I still may have just as much a purpose in prison-the dirt, as out in the world one day. I feel the sun’s light and heat calling to me, but the heavy shadows and shade of my past and public opinion for the most part-does more to trample submerge and bury my growth, than it does to unearth me into someone’s loving graceful vase or hands of freedom space and opportunity. Freedom space and opportunity to where I may be able to flourish and outdo my potential of merely outside accolades that you deem as beauty. Thriving from the nectar and veins pumping deep within me that takes the form of passion ripe with promise, channeled pain, dedication, and direction. Can a Wild Flower dare to dream? Will you ever see the Flower, or forever the Dirt? Maybe the next time you buy or receive flowers, it just may hit you to consider where that flower came from, and the road it took to arrive in front of your eyes exactly at that moment in time. Every gift has a direction, every flower has a past, every present tells a story and until that is realized, perception will remain as hollow and surface as an empty vase-waiting to be filled by flowers that may sit seen yet unseen-until they decay, like most failed dreams and unknown potential. Same as you free people

Filed Under: Culture, Love, Spirit, Trauma

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Prose of a Con

Prose of a Con is a collection of Russell Wardlow’s prose and poetry written entirely behind bars. Through writings on family, spirituality, freedom, love, justice, redemption, and vulnerability, Russell seeks to show the humanity and hope of individuals like himself who are incarcerated.

Read More

  • Whose Mind is it Anyway June 30, 2022
  • Objects June 30, 2022
  • Same Thang, Different Name June 30, 2022
  • Optical Ill-lusions June 30, 2022
  • Hollow Symbols June 30, 2022

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