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Prose of a Con

Poetry and Prose by Russell Wardlow

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Love

No middle

November 1, 2020 by Russell Wardlow Leave a Comment

I only feel when I’m threatened or stressed

I have to go thru something to feel something

to feel valuable

when nothing happens, I feel dead

but everything I react to intensely

as if it’s life or death

I have no medium

in traumatized people

we have hyperactive amygdalas

which may dull our prefrontal cortex

so I have less filter…

all I am, is the moment at hand

either up or down

full of extreme changes

and this is the only explanation you’ll get,

that makes any sense

I’m always either one of two extremes

Filed Under: Culture, Inside, Love, Trauma

Cultural Wardlow

November 1, 2020 by Russell Wardlow Leave a Comment

I’m a cultural war

I’m a culture at war

I’m a casualty of war

I’m a casualty at war

I’m a cultural casualty

I’m a casualty of culture

My casualty is war

My culture is war

with casualties in my wake and before

I was a counter cultural Wardlow

losing many battles…but never the War-dlow

I will be what I am

as I am

because a Wardlow,

is who I am

R.I.P. William Henry Wardlow aka Omaha Shorty, Shorty Wardlow

better known as, MY GrandPa- the name pride and absolute best of us

Filed Under: Culture, Love, Spirit

Grew up, I’m-prisoned

October 29, 2020 by Russell Wardlow Leave a Comment

I grew up

mother incarcerated

father deceased

I grew up

as a foster child

and ‘my mother’s’ child

I grew up

confused, shamed, and angry

lost, unfit, and skeptical

I grew up

witnessing adult truths

experiencing adult lives

I grew up

hearing adult lies

feeling adult pain

I grew up

in a merry go round

home shelter institution home facility…

I grew up

absorbing everything

blending, but never fitting

I grew up

standing by, no one stayed standing by my side

none understood me

I grew up

with internal battles

viewed by my reactions

I grew up

seen as trouble

judged like a man

I grew up

aggressive, out of fear and protection of myself

that narrative carried thru my years, stunting my growth

still, I grew up

now look where I am

exactly where I started off

but at least I grew up…

Filed Under: Culture, Inside, Love, Trauma

Space

October 28, 2020 by Russell Wardlow Leave a Comment

This space is

made for me

made for you

made for two

I’m made for you

I’d maid for you

I may believe

I’ve made belief

you’re make believe!

you’re Maybelline!

you’ll maybe leave!

you’re maple leaves!

you made me leave!

wasted handkerchief

look what you made me do.

Filed Under: Love

P.O.W.E.R.

October 27, 2020 by Russell Wardlow Leave a Comment

When it comes to matters of power, the human in us is first reluctant- That’s the part of ‘us’ connecting self to the ‘whole’, an internal response of equality and oneness. But then in that position of power, we must adapt, becoming comfortable in a way that effectively silences that voice.

We become used to it, used to quieting our conscience, listening outwardly instead at the physical results of our new found domain.

This is when our animalistic instincts, it’s carnality, takes form then takes over, acquiring an insatiable thirst and hunger for this power, forever silencing the humanity within us and largely ignoring the humanity of others to get what you want and where you desire to be.

Creating a narrative now of a greater good made by your position, an ends justifying the means, which serves you and your survivalist tactics. Now mirroring a mind with life inside the animal kingdom and the last bit of human left of you, becomes the contradictive need to be seen in a higher light.

But WHAT IF power can be harnessed with balance?! Some people crave a semblance of power, often feeling powerless or overpowered so that underlining motivation makes it hard to strike that balance. Making it easily abused once gained. Quickly forgetting the position you once held of powerlessness and how it felt.

Once power is sought in compensation, perspective is lost and selfishness becomes direction and domain and you become a Prisoner Of War’Er. A war you created or capitulated to which is called P.O.W.E.R.

Filed Under: Culture, Love, Spirit

White Knights

October 26, 2020 by Russell Wardlow Leave a Comment

The effects of colonialism in this country have not dissipated. The crippling clutches of capitalism have not quelled the suspicions in people’s motives, even if it brandishes itself as an ally.

I find it ironic when in prison, those of us whom are mis or distrusted, have hard times trusting the people, promising and offering assistance and opportunity, identifying themselves as compassionate allies there to help us function and transition back to acceptance in a civilized society.

Help coming in overwhelming white faces. Why don’t the faces look like us? Will we even trust them more? Or mistrust them even more?

Not being taught to believe people that look like us are able to gift opportunities or ironically, is it that the ones that come bolstering opportunity are the very few allotted opportunity?

Naively trying to offer what they get easily, to those that can’t while those they offer help to, look exactly like those that can’t be afforded a chance to offer the same help.

My white knights in shinning armor! It’s not your faults though. It’s just this paradoxical and problematic world we live in. We’re all consciously colonized and opportunity is occupied.

Filed Under: Culture, Love

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Prose of a Con

Prose of a Con is a collection of Russell Wardlow’s prose and poetry written entirely behind bars. Through writings on family, spirituality, freedom, love, justice, redemption, and vulnerability, Russell seeks to show the humanity and hope of individuals like himself who are incarcerated.

Read More

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  • Objects June 30, 2022
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  • Optical Ill-lusions June 30, 2022
  • Hollow Symbols June 30, 2022

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