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Prose of a Con

Poetry and Prose by Russell Wardlow

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Inside

Gripping the Lines

February 3, 2021 by Russell Wardlow Leave a Comment

there’s a line
everywhere there are lines
lines that form
lines that border
and lines you don’t cross!
I’m gripping tight to this phone
where I’ve let a few slip from the corner of my seers
but I can’t be seen
and I can’t stop the leak
and I’m trying!
I’m trying so hard for this damn emotional dam NOT to break
because that is a line
a line that you don’t cross!
a line…that I can’t
I just can’t cross
because weakness preludes mealtime in the jungle
I can’t expose where, and that,
I may be weak…
or weakened
throughout any week
or day!
not even Sunday!
but the levy is wavering
my eyes are wading
and my heart couldn’t be any worse for wear
because I had nothing to lose once upon a time
then things, unforeseen, became good and well
but when the wellness is lost
then the well spills forth
and no tossed coins can change what is
so although this phone disconnected 5minutes ago
I’ve been here
clinging tight
pantomiming a conversation
while I sneakily wipe at my eyes
feigning laughter and a jovial disposition
hoping no predators or none the wiser
because if they see that line being crossed
there will be even more lines to be crossed
all to arrive back behind the same drawn lines,
which keep me safe
while hiding my pain
because at this phone station
I’m in camouflage
seen but unseen
and low enough as to not be heard
unless of course, the phone time expires
but who can tell, when I laugh so audaciously
through this misery,
this pit and pool of shame
but I must remain masked
because warriors don’t cry
and this phone…
well its my shield
and so I cling tight to it
because it could mean my life
and this gtl moment, was and has always been,
more than just a phone call
it was freedom
it was an embrace
it was peace
and it is my shield
therefore, I grip onto the lines
because this is one line that can never be crossed

Filed Under: Inside, Trauma

Travesty/ Tragedy

February 3, 2021 by Russell Wardlow Leave a Comment

travesty
tragedy
tracking me
trapping me
cornered into savagery
tortured by my casualties
forces formed in back of me
fortress from the past of “me”
focus forked, imagining
photos frame a masterpiece
of fear, fangs, and fragility
travesty
travesty
travesty
trapped into my tapestry
where fore art thou, O tragedy
fated, you’d be latched to me
after all, I compliment your majesty
was foreign to your faculties-
coursing through me, it was maddening
but now I see you’re matching me
flattery, sweet flattery!
captured by your mastery
travesty, O’ tragedy!
I can hear you clattering!

Filed Under: Inside, Trauma

Mindstate

February 1, 2021 by Russell Wardlow Leave a Comment

when confined
hard to keep the mind-
straight,
down near a decade,
finally able to look out the window
to align the blinds-
straight,
reversed blind-
fate
when each day starts out as,
a blind-
date
but this new light of mine,
now boosts my mind-
state,
my new state of mind,
is a change of mind
that may change some minds
and might change the crime-
rate
at the same time,
these thoughts of mine,
unwinds my binds
and this spirit of mine-
vibrates
my eyes dilate-
cries subside, dilute, and dehydrate
eyelids vie loose and tirade
because seeing all the sides and signs
can drive the mind-
irate
’til the very moment that I-
shake
or
cross the lines
to untie its ties
as a creator-
creating the type of vines to light
that Christ-
makes,
but this is all for my mind’s-
sake,
because you can only repeat-
your mind,
and this is the new me re-
defined,
in my trials to reach beneath-
the skies,
so we can all see what all we seek
which may increase
or the deplete-
the mind,
therefore I dream and speak-
my mind,
so I’m keen to no longer defeat-
my mind,
and take heed
to whatever keeps and peaks-
my mind,
because that is what frees
or screens-
my eyes,
and makes me dream
or scream-
inside,
until parallel or perpendicular themes-
collide,
but everything
is beyond what it seems-
in life,
so despite my seeming strife
I steam inside,
and glean a better me-
in stride,
even while I seem-
confined
I lead and strive
throughout all the pain that was the-
bleeding type
but I’m more than the mean
and I mean to FLY
therefore,
my minds’ great
so my state of mind-
for your mind’s sake,
is why I’m-
Great!

Filed Under: Inside, Spirit

I Am U

December 8, 2020 by Russell Wardlow Leave a Comment

I am black, I am white, I am brown, I am yellow, I am mixed, I am him, I am her, I am you
I am indigenous, I am Christian, I am Rasta, I am Muslim, I am Catholic, I am Buddhist, I am Moor, I am Masonic-Jew
I am cross, I am flag, I am cult, I am clique, I am Klan, I am gang, I am group
I am red, I am blue, I am hue
I am sinner, I am imperfect, I am convict, I am mistake, I am hurt, I am accused
I am lost, I am alone, I am shallow, I am ruse
I am bat, I am knife, I am sword, I am bullet, I am gun, I am whip, I am noose
I am hat, I am clothes, I am cloth, I am fashion, I am trend, I am style, I am old, I am new
I am pledge, I am promise, I am war, I am peace, I am words, I am truce
I am brand, I am logo, I am design, I am art, I am tattoo
I am scratch, I am scrape, I am scar, I am wound, I am bruise
I am tree, I am flower, I am vines, I am soil, I am deep, I am root
I am clouds, I am stars, I am sky, I am light, I am air, I am chandelier, I am roof
I am lies, I am questions, I am answer, I am wonder, I am mystery, I am legend, I am taboo,

I am opinion, I am fact, I am news, I am truth
I am apart of everything just like you
I am a person-just with an inmate number khakis and prison boots!

Filed Under: Culture, Inside, Spirit

This Sys-tem

December 5, 2020 by Russell Wardlow Leave a Comment

This sys-tem is like a cyst

this sys-tem is a stem of oppression and isms

this sys-tem enforces indifferences

this sys-tem endorses privileges

this sys-tem coerces supremacy

one over the other

and the o-ther as o-thers

my sis-tahs and bro-thas

60% of which living at or below the poverty line

melancholy monopolized

and monotony monetized

incarcerated fathers and single mothers

and fostered children traumatized

in this sys-tem-

opportunity and equality is a mockery

in this sys-tem-

rights and democracy is an oligarchy

in this sys-tem-

you are shunned to death

in this sys-tem-

structural oppression

social oppression

religious oppression

in this sys-tem-

voter suppression

thought suppression

expression suppression

in this sys-tem-

empathy repression

intimacy repression

healing repression

in this sys-tem

independence regression

interpersonal regression

educational regression

in this sys-tem-

economic depression

emotional depression

spiritual depression

in this sys-tem

equality-wrong impression

freedom-false impression

justice-false imprisonment

in this sys-tem-

recidivis-m

is just a pris-m

of

revisionis-m

this sys-tem-

is inanimate and materialistic

thoughtless yet thinks for you

soulless yet calcifies the soul

heartless yet decomposes the heart

this sys-tem-

is inhumane caging humans like animals

civilized savagery separating the have’s and have not’s

faithless yet propagandizing, commoditizing, and monetizing religion while discrediting spirit in it’s psychology

flawed yet given the free reign of a paragon beyond reproach reassessment and reform

this sys-tem-

is a boot that kicks you

steps on you

stands on you just to appear taller and more imposing

while yelling at you to stay down or they’ll shoot!

this sys-tem-

gives the illusion

of assis-tance

and insists

its

sense of cents

over sentiment

is civ-ic

this sys-tem-

gives the illusion

of assis-tance

and insists

it’s

dominant and pure capitalistic structuralis-m

of

currency creed constitution consciousness color culture crime and classis-m

is to your benefit

this sys-tem-

conditions

its symp-toms

this sys-tem-

is chaos

appearing calm

creating chaos

in opposition

to social revolutions

this sys-tem-

is status quo

in opposition

to social evolution

this sys-tem-

is indoctrination

in opposition

to cultural historical social spiritual and conscientious education

this sys-tem

this sys-tem

this system!

is madness

maddening

its too much!

but all I want…

all we want…

is a fair chance

but that’s only propagandized

to bolster and sell us all on this system

with the illusion of comfort

so we can all feel safe

against those that would oppose

this system

but when has this sys-tem

been great for them-

the leftovers and left behind

when has this sys-tem

been more than

“just be grateful”

rising to the promise of being great for all

Filed Under: Culture, Inside, Trauma

Concentration Camps

December 4, 2020 by Russell Wardlow Leave a Comment

Capitalism won’t defund prisons

so make a labor class of it’s citizens,

voting rights and paying taxes

all prisons with mandatory vocational classes,

certifications and degrees upon release

entering society with an expertise

Filed Under: Inside, Trauma

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Prose of a Con

Prose of a Con is a collection of Russell Wardlow’s prose and poetry written entirely behind bars. Through writings on family, spirituality, freedom, love, justice, redemption, and vulnerability, Russell seeks to show the humanity and hope of individuals like himself who are incarcerated.

Read More

  • Whose Mind is it Anyway June 30, 2022
  • Objects June 30, 2022
  • Same Thang, Different Name June 30, 2022
  • Optical Ill-lusions June 30, 2022
  • Hollow Symbols June 30, 2022

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