your mind tells you
I’m free
but your eyes say something different
I know
seeing is believing
so how can I desire for you to be in harms way
existing in a fantasy made up of us
when the world’s illusions are much more powerful
and life has only ever been a war for truth
mine
yours
theirs
ours
so many things separate us
color, culture
cause, condition
crime, consequence
consciousness, communication
how can you ever exist in a fantasy
where the improbability of we
could be lived in you
when illusions imprison me
and truth has yet to set us free
Culture
When is Enough, E..?
cops
immune to presumed guilt
criminals
immune to presumed innocence
justice goes to the cuff’er
not the cuffed
now ain’t that some stuff!?!
prosecution-
a synonym of a sad hymn called
“persecution”
but when is enough, enough?
A Country of Sharecroppers
who is the modern day slave?
not just one sentenced to structured captivity
because prison is encapsulated relativity
but the one that has been duped by his story
or knows not of their history
the slave has endured a psychological damage that has numbed their sensitivity
all things considered internal, does not always show visibly
because the modern day slave is still quite a specimen physically
but a closer look at their American history, as their memories begin to crest
all things said and denoted in jest
unknowing of the day ahead
and the days to come next
for duress
has been found in their flesh
whereas the slaves typical stress
is where a need for survival intersects
with governmental interests
and home is made into a traumatic nest
as their day begins and ends in the minds reflections of death
because in their American History
reigns a tyranny
on umbrellas of misery
and a name is made holiday
a day is made celebration
a place is made memorial
all in the aftermath of death-
where an unequal life is an apparent victory
remembering is constantly traumatic
forgetting is because of trauma
realizing is traumatic
ignoring is because of trauma
and avoidance is from the traumatized
adopting
re-associating
assimilating
and conforming are acts of TRAUMA
to acknowledge these things is traumatic
a form of mental slavery
that I can never shake
and has yet to be collectively shook
the chains have been chinked
where completely breaking has been on the brink
while still within them we shrink
the best action made on its behalf is the courage to think
on the pain unresolved as daily hope is a sea to which we sink
and die a thousand deaths before we blink
yes, slavery is more expansive than a plantation
it is an idea
a mentality
a system
a governance
and from generation to generation
its blood paved the roads we drive
erected the buildings we occupy
forming the economic pedestal Americans realize
and as far as it being abolished
extinct
reconciled
healed from
and forgotten
this is a far cry
the historian, Charles Drew said,
“you don’t have to be actively involved in the system to derive at least the psychological benefits of the system”
this country benefits from the system of slavery
and its victims do NOT
their country looks at their suffering like voyeurs
as they beg for what should be expected and owed
evicted from what should be owned and inherited
march and bleed for what should be a guarantee of all
and celebrate their holidays alone
no one idolizes dark skinned deaths that built this country
yet embrace the benefits with gusto
this land of law and order
crafty with its legal language and penmanship
with savvy quills and quips
never made it so slavery will no longer exist
but industrialized prisons so that it would persist
sharecroppers manage from a distance, so no one is around to admit
that if it walks like a duck, and talks like a duck, then the title fits
and THAT is the truth of this country
still being built in filth benefitting from ongoing slavery
American Matters of Fact
when justice and vengeance collide
which is most righteous I ponder
or might it just be, a matter of perspective?
hmm
and I question this so
because in the land of either, or
greater than’s and less than’s
conquered and conqueror
one must prevail in this domain
as if a gladiator fighting for both
life and freedom, as entertainment put on
by the Roman Empire
because the line between life giver
and life taker, is as thin
or obtuse, as the line imposed between
man and woman
the instinct is what lies between as the determiner
a killer instinct or one of reciprocity
albeit to say, I suppose this must be
as simple as a matter of power,
and suffice it to say, words matter
in the matter of the spoken and written language
the architecture of sentence structure are hence
measured with deliberate and keen scrutiny
there forth being used to scrutinize
but in that ability, I’ve gleaned this to be
a matter of position
with all the lore or folly we covet,
and glamorize the message
the ‘period’ or the final pause cementing the context
but as we all well know,
the messenger draws the glare.
to candidly say what we all think
or have thought in someplace and time
in some matter as a matter of fact
as far as the messenger and their impact
this is a matter of ski, hue matters
this is historically hysterical matter of fact
stains all matters, as a matter of fact
but when in Rome
as for all things America
fore these are American matters of fact
What You See isn’t What I Got
I hate you America
I hate you because you made me hate myself
I hate you because you make me suffer to feel included
I hate you for my childhood
things endured I didn’t know of
little and innocent at first
living and stumbling over obstacles you constructed
growing and developing under forces I couldn’t possibly fathom
a system created limiting a single mother’s resources and support whom served your country!
jailing her attempts at crying out for help
a model of success so great, you mass produced
this system placed me lost in a sea of misplaced and displaced kids
replaced within monetarily incentivized families
some more worst off than I was before I became their check
after all I’ve seen, how dare you tell me to believe in the American Dream
I see your true nature, but I am too small to be heard
America is an extrinsic valuator
truth is, America masquerades silently as a tolerated necessary evil
you wager participation
rewarded by opportunities of endless riches
and illusions of limitless freedoms
people cooperate blindly
hypnotized by promises of possibilities
while the nefarious systems subjugate and take from you unwittingly
staking hubris over humanity
choosing possessions over people
pain alleviated by payment
America is like dealing with the Devil
all the grand excesses and successes followed by the small fine print of-
sacrificing your soul for a heart too busy to consider people outside of your own rations pursuits and struggles
and being able to rationalize your preferences of self
a heart appearing full by temporary and circumstantial desires in the guise of love
a deceptive agreement granting the ability to practice any religion
fooled by seemingly infinite freedoms
and invisible yet cleverly written limitations
reinforced by structured imprisonments and impediments
while taking the intrinsic incentive of impacting true change support and community
negating the collective and cordoning off consciousness
following red herrings
while walking within redlines
until red in the eyes from the incessant overnight flights to and from the obsession of acquisitions
America, you blind your followers and muffle your competitors
choosing your spokesman methodically
and citizens unknowingly are members of the biggest cult on earth
that acts as an umbrella over all other ‘identity and idea’ cults of liberty and justice for some
because truly you know, all things aren’t created equal
after all, you crafted and created it to be as such
and for this and many more things, I hate you
you are the epitome of intolerable cruelty
only incentive changes you
strategy is your heart, not compassion
no matter how rich you can make me
money isn’t everything
but you tax my every second
so it is damn near impossible for me to believe that it isn’t
because I have to work compulsively to acquire life
that hyper driven work distracts me from your cunning
too busy to see, I can only look as I drive by
because a second lost shows up when bills come due
You embody Buddhism’s Afflictions
Rasta’s Babylon
Religion’s Satan
and Egypt’s Set
citizenship with you has only ever been a contract of my soul
I do not identify with you
you delude and allure me
you suppress and oppress me
you abandon and neglect me
you infect and reject me
you are the mirage of desire
you are the token security of promise
you are the insecurity of inferiority
you are the law of shackles
you are the silver tongue of hypocrites
you are the compass of misdirection
you are the source of pollution
you are the tranquilizer of consciousness
you are the erosion of the spirit
you are the calloused heart
you are the jaded eyes
you are the poison of sugar
you are the rhetoric of misinformation
you are the instigator of hate
you are the coconspirator of injustice iniquity inequity and inequality
you are the exploiter of culture, the thief of history, and conqueror of countries
you are the deluder creating dilution, delusions, and the disillusioned
you are the inclusion of seclusion, exclusion, and excuses
you are the paragon of procured problems profited from
you are the pacemaker of profiteers and politicians
you are the platform of all illusions
and the plague of illusions peril
the plunge of civility, humanity, and one’s soul
you give birth to insanity
and here I am
because you know what?
though you are incapable of change
I love that I hate you enough to believe I can change you
I think I’m more in love with hating you than I once was with hating myself
remember that?
you created me
and I would love to be the reason you fall in love with hating me
more than the energy you put into allowing me to do it for you
you’ll remember me one day
not as a Patriot
but as a Patient sick enough to save the Doctor
The Evolution from a Complex
Dear White Woman
I think I loved you to a fault
a fault of self
a love that was tainted
one of omission
with internal things not admitted
insinuations and inclinations scripted
a displaced lust
a lust born of resentment and jealously
resentment of who I wasn’t
and jealousy of who I could not become
this was when I thought the best
of who I wasn’t
and the worst
in who I was
was it vengeance that allured me?
escape
disguise
denial
taboo?
fear of enduring more limitations
believing you could’ve been my only hope for a better
and different life
was it feelings of ineptitude?
did I feel like I finally won at something
like you were the only way I would be seen
and accepted?
but at what cost
refusal to deal with and see myself
denial of my culture
and rejection of myself
and what of the message that is sent out
is a black woman not enough
did I fear the destiny of kids as dark as myself
in a country that assumes more nefariously
with more vitriol treatment the darker your flesh
did I believe my kids would have better opportunity
the lighter they were?
was it fear that made me just too self-conscious?
I could face the wars in the hood
but facing you was a war I couldn’t rectify comprehend
nor deal with properly
deep inside feeling every bit the inferior I had been made to feel
this society never reassured my kind
and I was angry and shamed because of it
could I even truly love you, when I hated myself
or did I just want to become you
white
I know I’m the ‘mighty’ man but…
was I looking for you to save me?
from who I wonder?
myself
the world
or
your brother or father?
did I need to be accepted and included by you
to affirm myself
the answer to all of this, is yes
for this has been the journey of black men trying to find
and redefine themselves in a country that pre-defines them
so rebellion first comes in love before crime
because that has been viewed as the true and carnal crime
no matter where we existed together
I felt like a token placement
a hollow default of diversity
an obligation of sincerity
I still felt like I never fit
I never even for a second
everyone around looked different, inside I felt tortured
and alone
your family never liked the idea of me anyway
I allowed myself to deal with enough of the looks and things said
should’ve gotten the hint earlier
the most racism I experienced in my life was from your kin’s disapproval
this is best for us both
love shouldn’t be forced
though I wonder if I created sons that may now feel this as well
that will go through this
and make excuses for it
allowing themselves to apologize for their skin
and the ignorance and hatred of others
I was that… an apologist
buy my sons should never be relegated to becoming apologists
because of my choices and cowardice of seeing
and dealing with myself
no matter how young and unknowing
our kids pay for the mistakes of their parents
oh how many pains have I placed upon them already as is
do they too feel this way, not knowing how to explain it
needing to fit in or be the center of attention for validation
needing to be the most talented for affirmation
yet always feeling like an outsider
the odd one out
misunderstood and not understood
and not understanding why or you, or why I am even trying
though I transformed for you
time and time again
and for the comfort of all around that looked like you
it only alienated my true self and my people even more
never knowing who I was
and always having to explain aspects of myself
that you could never understand
maybe in a world where people were just people
we could’ve coexisted for reasons more pure than so
but that isn’t this world
so for now, I just let you go
and onto my own
or at least to a complexion
where color deep culture and struggle is known
before my goodbye
thank you for my sons
though they are both my lights
if I may have anymore
I doubt they will be as bright
though they will still shine just as much
not one over the other
or one more so than the other
but as my sons, created in true love
and knowledge of self
not a lust spawn of fear
though I now can see you for who you are
and I am a lover of all people
because I love myself
so the thing between is no longer and not so much color
as it is culture history and language
and the signals shot out to the eyes of others
that will first see us from the outskirts of our shallowest conceptions of self
before the truest forms of what’s within
so I say to you in closing
as you know, well
you see, our relation was always complex
and that’s because either one or both of us
was ailing from a complex
hereon, make sure you choose yourself first
so that way you know who you are choosing next
Au revoir