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Prose of a Con

Poetry and Prose by Russell Wardlow

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Culture

Dim Some

January 25, 2020 by Russell Wardlow Leave a Comment

Light

its brilliant intensity

tempting and intimidating

sympathizing with burrowers

darkness heels the promises of light

a sort of comfort in being unseen

once fear of the unseen escapes you

besides

its only your imagination-

creating what has yet to manifest

irony, I suppose

imagination being this freedom

yet shackling you in this moment

the mind lives in a darkness more forgiving than light

because the shade may temporarily conquer truth

nurturing and then sheltering fairy tales

where exposure, it’s brutal reality

demands accountability

ignorance is..

shaded

Filed Under: Culture, Inside, Spirit, Trauma

Wondered

January 24, 2020 by Russell Wardlow Leave a Comment

Twinkle twinkle lonely star

I wonder…

if alone

are you still hot enough

to warm the cold space that surrounds you?

do you affect your environment

or like us mortal,

just consumed by it?

for we only see the luster of your exterior

like each other

aware of your chemistry

we act as if your composition is solely elemental

is their life in you

a destiny

a humanity calling out within your celestial nature,

are you made to shine within a whole

or apart and alone

heating the cold

because you rarely stand out

stars so far from you,

shine and seem so close

ironic..

how it can seem so crowded up there

and its anything but

maybe sad even

seeing so many

but knowing no one

disconnected

aware of what makes you the same

though distance is difference

just like people

those closest shine brightest

but you still wonder about the others out there

do they feel like you..

maybe we’re the same

you and I

never truly alone

though we feel it

finding our way

being stuck in place

and somehow we still stand out

or shine, so to speak

seen for what we offer

a small light

thru the sucking darkness

twinkle twinkle

I no longer wonder

Filed Under: Culture, Love, Spirit

Words to a Mirror

January 23, 2020 by Russell Wardlow Leave a Comment

Will u or won’t u be clearer

I can not see what u depicting

I don’t like the picture u pitching

u picked it..go figure

the pixels are blemished

and it all resembles a mess, I’m a mess

a mosaic of massacres

cracks in the glass make me look like a masochist

and u draw the line

but at this line of scrimmage

I’m tackled for loss

then forget my description

a critic,

that doesn’t like critics

I know-hypocritical

confronting myself, all I hear is crickets

and ribbits…

I hate this exhibit

this hate I exhibit

is because I’m livid

from living with friction

and fiction

and feminine differences

distance

and friendships

I’ve lost, that fall to resistance

my vision gets crippled

I crack up and peer in the ripples

my sweat starts to dribble

then trickle then cycle- ice cycles

reflection gets frigid

I fidget

I feel like I’m fucked up, fuck it, I’m finished

forget it

forget this

too much weight that I bear, I am not fit for forgiveness

my wrongs are like scriptures I’ve written

I’m hungry, I eat whats forbidden

so pride ends up bitten

all I feel is tension

defensive

good riddens

don’t mention

my limits

I hate that u witnessed-

this look! that looked like I swallowed a handful of lemons

and crumbles when talking with women

I’m downing a bottle of Guinness

I drown when I’m swimming

just give me a minute…

I know I don’t make any sense

like proof with out evidence, I mean ever since

I looked right in the mirror, my senses dispensed

I’m numb, what I’m saying-

I needed to vent

put my hand on the mirror but there are no prints

so now I’m convinced

that I am not real, and I’m never content

therefore loving myself will take longer than this

words to the mirror..

Filed Under: Culture, Inside, Spirit, Trauma

Paralysis

January 21, 2020 by Russell Wardlow Leave a Comment

Some days I think I fell and must’ve bust my head-

I see stars

never knowing where I stand-

the floors gone

balancing on wobbly legs-

an earthquake

feeling every step is near the ledge-

oops

I never seem to understand-

I’m con-fused

everything you claim to have said-

am I deaf?

only hearing your judgement in my head-

I’m guilty?

makes me wonder what the hell I plead-

no contest it only made me need you less and less-

like weight gain

I think I must’ve fell and bumped my head-

migraines..

waking on the wrong side of the bed-

I’m cranky seeing more of you at my worst times-

feel I’m dizzy you only remind me, of my worst times-

you been busy

listen to you? do you listen to yourself

besides,

how can you help me, if you can’t see that you need help

try lifting me up, I feel buried

say its tough love, but I feel the contrary

everything you say gets contradicted

no wonder I struggle with confidence

using me like condiments

doing things for compliments-

you’re welcome

whats the moral of a story

when you you only tell a morsel of the story

there’s no gift in giving something you don’t want

don’t tell me loss is good,

just to feel you’ve won

damn!

you make me feel I fell and bust my head

I no longer feel my arms and legs-

I’m paralyzed

Filed Under: Culture, Inside, Love, Trauma

Mirror Mirror

January 20, 2020 by Russell Wardlow Leave a Comment

Mirror mirror come off the wall

follow me everywhere I go

make dreams, reality

seeing myself everywhere

seeing myself in everything

Filed Under: Culture, Mercy, Spirit

Love Challenge

January 20, 2020 by Russell Wardlow Leave a Comment

Truth or Dare?

Love somehow has always been hard to receive, and only selectively given in my experience, maybe its the same with you? But Love at its core shouldn’t have qualifiers, maybe intimate Love, but not the basis of Love. That’s a hard concept to conceive somehow, maybe its that way because we don’t all view ourselves as equal and describe people by their difference. I guess with social norms involving communication that target a persons features before it accepts a persons sameness, no wonder its hard to see us as all the same. Its been hard for me to not either sexualize women, or compete with and size up another man based off how I view him next to myself-a view which cant be that great if people are automatically a challenge or fantasy in my limited lens comparing who I was and how’d that image would fit with what I viewed the other person to be. So I tried, and am trying this “Love Challenge”. Because we are all one, we are all people, we are all one race, and color is a feature, background is an explanation, culture is a facet, language is communication, clothing is a comfort, opinion is a preference, habit is a choice, life is an experience and perception is an understanding…but none of these are things that make us different at our core. So how can we just focus on Loving one another? Well I figure, instead of trying to acquire these qualifiers of who a person is, what they did or do, what they like or believe…we just focus on Loving them because they are people and deserving of Love, just as you are. How many times do you hear something about a person and instantly you judge it to the person you believe yourself to be, and that judgement decides if this person is worthy of your Love and how much of it you will give? That;s not right, Love shouldn’t be value based, that is a means of separation, not inclusivity. Because make no mistake about it, interacting is an act of Love, life is a proclamation of Love, smiling is a show of Love, greetings are a symptom of Love, what we do, can be an act of Love in all its forms if we choose it to be, while stripping away our blockers, and seeing thru the lens of Love. So here’s the challenge, go up to a person and say, “I Love You, I don’t know you and I don’t need to, because it doesn’t matter, you deserve Love and deserve to know that you are Loved regardless of anything else because it is not my business”. Given that Love should be a natural gift and present for us, we should all react beautifully, but since we don’t treat Love with the Love it deserves, we will see the truth, the damage we’ve done to ourselves and this world, because most people reaction will not display comfort and gratitude. But you can’t deny the affects of an act of Love, they will think on it all day, and will more likely speak about it and repeat it because how it made them feel, just as you will continue the act because how it made you feel! Maybe a friend will be gained, an important dialogue will be struck, a life will be changed and saved, or at the bare minimum, you showed someone something other than hate fear and indifference, sending positive energy out into the world and it will manifest the same positive energy back(reciprocity). So if I can say this to men- of all people, in prison- of all places, with a smile and contentment regardless of the response, than you have no excuse…try it once and remember how it made you feel, it’ll change you for the better! Then maybe you’ll treat Love better, hence treating people better, and treating yourself better proclaiming out loud who you are and what you and everyone else deserves…which is Love. There shouldn’t be a prerequisite time or moment to confess Love, the time is now! Love isn’t cliche nor taboo, hate fear intolerance indifference and separation should be! Instead we should be inseparable from

Love!

No matter who you are, I Love You!

#lovechallenge

I dare you!

Rules: when you see familiar people or unfamiliar people, you have to tell them that you love them, with no filler words, you are able to explain the why, but you have to be direct sincere and compassionate about it no matter the reaction you receive, be content and smile and either move on or share dialogue and let Love take you where it does and take a mental inventory of how people respond to you and how you begin to feel throughout the week. Embrace the discomfort, its where life begins!

You have to do this for a full week! but I bet you’ll make a habit of it

the moment the word comes to your mind, don’t hold it in, spew it almost unconsciously, because that’s how frequent Love deserves to be given, unconsciously automatic. Our spirit is endearing, so be who you are at your core-endearing, which is tirelessly Loving, mindful, compassionate, empathetic, welcoming, and unifying

Be contagious and spread it

ready?

set?

Love!

Filed Under: Culture, Love, Spirit

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Prose of a Con

Prose of a Con is a collection of Russell Wardlow’s prose and poetry written entirely behind bars. Through writings on family, spirituality, freedom, love, justice, redemption, and vulnerability, Russell seeks to show the humanity and hope of individuals like himself who are incarcerated.

Read More

  • Whose Mind is it Anyway June 30, 2022
  • Objects June 30, 2022
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  • Optical Ill-lusions June 30, 2022
  • Hollow Symbols June 30, 2022

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