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Prose of a Con

Poetry and Prose by Russell Wardlow

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Culture

I Am U

December 8, 2020 by Russell Wardlow Leave a Comment

I am black, I am white, I am brown, I am yellow, I am mixed, I am him, I am her, I am you
I am indigenous, I am Christian, I am Rasta, I am Muslim, I am Catholic, I am Buddhist, I am Moor, I am Masonic-Jew
I am cross, I am flag, I am cult, I am clique, I am Klan, I am gang, I am group
I am red, I am blue, I am hue
I am sinner, I am imperfect, I am convict, I am mistake, I am hurt, I am accused
I am lost, I am alone, I am shallow, I am ruse
I am bat, I am knife, I am sword, I am bullet, I am gun, I am whip, I am noose
I am hat, I am clothes, I am cloth, I am fashion, I am trend, I am style, I am old, I am new
I am pledge, I am promise, I am war, I am peace, I am words, I am truce
I am brand, I am logo, I am design, I am art, I am tattoo
I am scratch, I am scrape, I am scar, I am wound, I am bruise
I am tree, I am flower, I am vines, I am soil, I am deep, I am root
I am clouds, I am stars, I am sky, I am light, I am air, I am chandelier, I am roof
I am lies, I am questions, I am answer, I am wonder, I am mystery, I am legend, I am taboo,

I am opinion, I am fact, I am news, I am truth
I am apart of everything just like you
I am a person-just with an inmate number khakis and prison boots!

Filed Under: Culture, Inside, Spirit

This Sys-tem

December 5, 2020 by Russell Wardlow Leave a Comment

This sys-tem is like a cyst

this sys-tem is a stem of oppression and isms

this sys-tem enforces indifferences

this sys-tem endorses privileges

this sys-tem coerces supremacy

one over the other

and the o-ther as o-thers

my sis-tahs and bro-thas

60% of which living at or below the poverty line

melancholy monopolized

and monotony monetized

incarcerated fathers and single mothers

and fostered children traumatized

in this sys-tem-

opportunity and equality is a mockery

in this sys-tem-

rights and democracy is an oligarchy

in this sys-tem-

you are shunned to death

in this sys-tem-

structural oppression

social oppression

religious oppression

in this sys-tem-

voter suppression

thought suppression

expression suppression

in this sys-tem-

empathy repression

intimacy repression

healing repression

in this sys-tem

independence regression

interpersonal regression

educational regression

in this sys-tem-

economic depression

emotional depression

spiritual depression

in this sys-tem

equality-wrong impression

freedom-false impression

justice-false imprisonment

in this sys-tem-

recidivis-m

is just a pris-m

of

revisionis-m

this sys-tem-

is inanimate and materialistic

thoughtless yet thinks for you

soulless yet calcifies the soul

heartless yet decomposes the heart

this sys-tem-

is inhumane caging humans like animals

civilized savagery separating the have’s and have not’s

faithless yet propagandizing, commoditizing, and monetizing religion while discrediting spirit in it’s psychology

flawed yet given the free reign of a paragon beyond reproach reassessment and reform

this sys-tem-

is a boot that kicks you

steps on you

stands on you just to appear taller and more imposing

while yelling at you to stay down or they’ll shoot!

this sys-tem-

gives the illusion

of assis-tance

and insists

its

sense of cents

over sentiment

is civ-ic

this sys-tem-

gives the illusion

of assis-tance

and insists

it’s

dominant and pure capitalistic structuralis-m

of

currency creed constitution consciousness color culture crime and classis-m

is to your benefit

this sys-tem-

conditions

its symp-toms

this sys-tem-

is chaos

appearing calm

creating chaos

in opposition

to social revolutions

this sys-tem-

is status quo

in opposition

to social evolution

this sys-tem-

is indoctrination

in opposition

to cultural historical social spiritual and conscientious education

this sys-tem

this sys-tem

this system!

is madness

maddening

its too much!

but all I want…

all we want…

is a fair chance

but that’s only propagandized

to bolster and sell us all on this system

with the illusion of comfort

so we can all feel safe

against those that would oppose

this system

but when has this sys-tem

been great for them-

the leftovers and left behind

when has this sys-tem

been more than

“just be grateful”

rising to the promise of being great for all

Filed Under: Culture, Inside, Trauma

Projection Deflection

December 3, 2020 by Russell Wardlow Leave a Comment

If a person stands in their truth,

they are seeking attention.

If self diagnosed,

they aren’t believed.

If professionally diagnosed

they’re told everyone has it bad.

Judgmental people too, succumb to pain,

they just inflict what they internalize

then call it strength.

Filed Under: Culture, Inside, Love, Trauma

Dear Parole Board

December 2, 2020 by Russell Wardlow Leave a Comment

Dear Parole Board

I wasn’t supposed to be here

Do you know the dark I was thrown in

the dark that I had to inhabit

the darkness that overcame me

I wasn’t supposed to be here

not some place so deeply dark and dystopic

where I was expected to come out better on the other side

while you sit back in your chairs looking at me

hoping I quiver beneath your downward gaze

peering into me

seeing nothing but khakis

wanting me to tell you a script that doesn’t suit the journey I trekked

just to give you a reason to grant me my freedom

a freedom which my years and journey have long since earned

even now, sitting in this seat, I wasn’t supposed to be here

but you don’t know the half

Filed Under: Culture, Inside, Trauma

Symbliminal Messaging

December 1, 2020 by Russell Wardlow Leave a Comment

Removing symbols aren’t the solution

but in a society of symbolism and their creeds

idolization and their tribalism

and subliminal messaging and its advertising,

it’s one hell of a fucking start

because nightmares exist

and all trauma is is extensive remembering of pain

until you remember no more

but when or if that happens

who then will you be

and what will be the purpose of having a history

so if your history is rank with my

subjugation

servitude

subservience

and slavery

then what’s a succession of symbol, for sympathy?

points of pride and triumph

shouldn’t be another people’s period of pain and terror

if that’s a symbol worth remembering

regardless of explanation

than who are you really?

and at whose expense

are you willing and ok with being that

and then if that’s your prerogative,

don’t expect empathy when generations change

empowering and informing themselves out of their former chains

and systemical bondage

at your expense!

Filed Under: Culture, Inside, Trauma

Riding the Emotional Hump

November 30, 2020 by Russell Wardlow Leave a Comment

I’m inconsistent

insufferable

overbearing

and insensitive at times

I say I’m passionate

but I may just be temperamentally emotional

I’m apathetic when I know how to feel

or how it feels

but sometimes

it feels like I’ve forgotten to feel

or how to feel

I find that I’m reminding myself to be more thoughtful

or emotionally available

more often

pain

or internal long suffering has roboticized me

I’m depraved

or deprived emotionally

I’ve grown into personal numbness

having less feeling for self

and those closest

than for those I don’t know

yet I vividly feel my hurt

I’m just impassive

or dismissive to it

and then disregard that of those I regard most

almost as if,

I decompress my exhaustion and bitterness on familiar company

being objective helps get things done

but it takes the humanity out of the process

I can’t be subjective hear

this is prison

emotions,

and especially love don’t live hear

yet when I get on the phone,

I have to find that love again

that feeling…

turn off

turn on

turn off

turn on

GTL and JPAY suppressed heartbreaks

trying to stay grounded

but my positive wires get crossed

and I need to pop the breaker,

just to wake me back up again

because I want to feel alive

I want to do for others

I innately want “so much’ for people

that sometimes I become an intense pressure

a coach, when a friend or lover is needed

admittedly I tire of hearing complaints and cries of

wait,

it takes time,

I’m trying,

I can’t

I went through this

and my life is blah blah blah

life isn’t simple

I absorb each protest, but do I use emotion there?

or will that subjectivity

only further cripple and babysit their potential

and feeble self pity

sometimes emotions pacify

people want me to pacify theirs

while often-

though I never ask-

feel no pacification for myself

my strength is assumed

or hoped for

so I can just give,

rather than they wear the heavy burden of uplifting

something and someone they don’t truly get

emotional output is so one sided

what you give isn’t necessarily what you get

funny that way

I’m apathetic cuz I gotta be

emotional cuz I wanna feel

and I’m passionate because I have to balance them both

Filed Under: Culture, Inside, Love, Trauma

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Prose of a Con

Prose of a Con is a collection of Russell Wardlow’s prose and poetry written entirely behind bars. Through writings on family, spirituality, freedom, love, justice, redemption, and vulnerability, Russell seeks to show the humanity and hope of individuals like himself who are incarcerated.

Read More

  • Whose Mind is it Anyway June 30, 2022
  • Objects June 30, 2022
  • Same Thang, Different Name June 30, 2022
  • Optical Ill-lusions June 30, 2022
  • Hollow Symbols June 30, 2022

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