the more I learn about me
the more I learn of our history
the more I learn about why I go through what I have
the more I learn about what you refuse to acknowledge on my behalf
the more I learn about what they refuse to teach
the more I learn about undertones, innuendos, and hidden/figures of speech
the more I learn about privilege keeping us at the feet of defeat
the more I learn about how hopes and dreams became misery and bleak
the more I learn about music dance and a beat
the more I learn about genres, cultures, trends, fashion, and food that we eat
the more I learn about the history of politics, policies, laws, prisons and police
the more I learn about gentrification, redlining, highways, and urban streets
the more I learn about invasions, religion, missionaries and the message they preach
the more I learn about education, integration, schools, indoctrination, and the lessons they teach
the more I learn about institutions, systems, programs, and government all which prey on the weak
the more I learn about statistics, ratios, quotas, and expectations for me
the more I learn about stereotypes, biases, racism, hate and the nature of beasts
the more I learn about social sciences, experimentation, conditioning, and how cycles repeat
the more I learn patriarchy, monarchy, democracy, north american slavery, perspective, perception, socialism, communism, Marxism, capitalism and I think
the more I question possessing, possessions, property, thieves, ownership, patens, control, and narratives which manipulate how we see
the more I question inheritance, reciprocity, karma, reparations, allowances, and scriptured promises to the meek
the more I question the amount of pride that I and we continue to drink
the more I question why, not will, but why don’t I have the will to hate you
why do I have to be patient with your process of understanding us
it takes work to be me,
it takes nothing for you to be
it takes work for you to understand, but it pays you nothing monetarily
it takes work for me to not hate you, and that has monetary value
because whether you know it or not, you control everything
and when you scream, the world comes running
and when I cry out, the world arrests me…just to protect your reality
and now my equality is a threat to your peace
because you benefitted from tilted scales that were just accepted
but as the scales begin to quake towards balance, you experience just a fraction of my disorientation and already you can’t stand it
now you feel oppressed
and those that look like you that try to right those wrongs, somehow you view them as traitorous, yet believe you are not part of the problem
irony
strength is in not hating you, not calling you out, catering to your comfort, having mixed relations and kids
though I feel the effects of your reign at this very moment
which is why I write right this minute instead of war
some of the best people I know, look like you
but most of the worst people I know and fear, look like you
and most people you know, either fear or hate people that look like me
history is clearly yours, its biggest winners and writers
most people that write about it even resemble you at startling numbers
but however one sided the consented truth appears, what’s clear is
you’ve got your fingerprints all throughout history, while mine you have swept under the rug, stolen and claimed as your own with the changing of names, or completely erased
but for the few goods you have done, for your shallow attempts at recompense, there’s so much bad that you ignore and still proceed forth with
because you still benefit from a supremacy consciousness that started with your Darwinism and all that studied under him, continuing where he left off
when you asked, we gave, we taught
yet you plotted, stole, conquered, and killed burned pillaged and enslaved to cover your tracks
making the world believe we were descended from monkeys and were only savages, so care of treatment towards animals never ruffled your christian feathers
your morality stayed intact
in order for you to continue benefiting off our backs
and my only question is, through it all, what did we ever do to you
Culture
Foster Child
If all you do is punish me
how can you ever see
as anything other
than a child
I never asked to live here
you sent for me
making every condition I lived in untenable
so I had no choice but to abide
you waited for me with open arms
until all other eyes turned away
and the first chance you got
I was reminded that this wasn’t my home
although you clothed and fed me
with just enough to differentiate from pet
never forgetting to remind me of the nuisance my being was
and you being the sole compassionate parent willing to take me in
you didn’t care that I stuck out like a sore thumb
as long as that check came
and I was held to standards unreasonable per my circumstance
being reminded that anything less than perfect made me less than person
but I was worth the stress, as long as that check came
and with every talent I had, and skill I crafted
you stole and claimed for yourself, enriching your life off my back
and still, you got your check and held me in check
as I write this, reminded of my life as a foster child
and also the history of my people in America
I kind of lost track of which I was referring to
both sound so eerily similar…
how can my upbringing
mirror my ancestors’ enslavement
but times have changed,
so be happy?
but all I’ve inherited is a modern struggle
that mirrors the pain of faces names and religions that mean nothing to me
because I can’t place them
although without them, there is no me
split from their parents
split from mine
taken from their kids
taken from mine
and the cycle repeats…
how can I be pressured with the responsibility of breaking it!?!
what kind of family is this
yet you wonder why my home is broken
I either came from a broken home
or America, you broke!
The 13th Illusion
Emancipation is just etiquette,
it armed the hatred
swarmed more harm for the hated
outdoing the atrocities since the first slave ships
all in the making of a new way of legal slaves-
by mass incarceration
Proclamation is just rhetoric,
a political occupation
assented with documentation
ink being the sole band-aid used by a conglomeration
hiding the ever-existing wound bearing elephants and skeletons,
in the propelling of “Thee” Dominant Nation
Kaep-italizing
Capitol says more to me than a state’s highest city, but the many unheralded and unappreciated smaller ones that surround it
Capital says more to me than bigger letters, but greater-thans and less-thans, possessions, and how this country was founded
Cap says more to me about power, privilege, and imposed limits protecting position and property over people
Capitulation says more to me about domination and enforced conformity and liberalism being evil
Capitalizing says more to me about kicking dead horses and exploiting the weak, profiteering at all levels and getting ahead at all costs
symbolized by old nooses
because the truth is
Capitalism says more to me than a competitive economic institution,
it’s a consciousness that paves ways for many intended and unintended humanity abuses
therefore, Kaepernick, says more to me about the truth and how capitalism has no time to change its view, therefore, most time, hope seems useless
American Chess
The rules: Civil Savagery
If Black and White are the sides, then Color is the battle
If Placement inherits Power, then Opportunity is the board
If Geography dictates Destiny, then Class are the squares
now we can start:
Morality is the Pawns
Values are Knights
Perception is the Castles
Perspective is the Bishops
Privilege is the Queen
now choose between these interchanging three
Money, Might, or White is King
Road Trip
you see me
but you don’t see me
you hear me
but you don’t hear me
you feel me
but you feel fear more
you know
but you run from what that could mean
drowned out by past experiences
packed in your trunk
traveling too far into your future
luggage, that was meant to prepare and propel
you forward
not slow you down
nor halt your progress
although you may need extra gas
for the extended stays and misdirections
but still you so much more
as you rode by
the scenery promising more perspectives
and views to behold
hmm…
what I’m saying is
you see, hear, and feel deeper than anyone I’ve known
with a familiarity specifically designed…
for me,
let me tell it
you’re already above anything I’ve encountered,
or experienced
but still,
the same result persists
you’re so different,
even that doesn’t do you justice
buy you’re still the same
and I’m still the variable left
feeling so different
because
everyone is the same
not because they aren’t unique
but
because you all choose the same road
even in your different paths
and though we all must come to a crossing
where we meet-
our paths intersecting
as we progress through life,
and then you’re gone
at least in the way I first envisioned you
but in my rearview
all I can think is
wherever you are heading
I take solace
knowing you are still moving forward
the best way you know
and all I can do,
however far,
or close
is
admire your drive
though I am the only one on ‘this’ Road
thinking to myself
“Why didn’t you just spin-off
and join everyone else?
I must be tripping…”