Russell Wardlow

You know why I am so uncomfortable?
Because I choose to care. You know
why I choose to care? Because
there is more than just me. Because
life is bigger than me. You know
why you don’t care enough? Because
it is in your immediate self-interest.
Because you have been trained not
taught, indoctrinated, not educated.
Because you believe ignorance is
bliss. Because it would chip away
at your privilege. Because there is
no financial incentive. Because you
detest discomfort. Because you
prefer illusions to reality. Because
you believe you are in control.
Because you believe control is
real. Because you believe power
is awarded to the worthy. Because
you believe the structure provides
all, as long as it is upheld, and
held up. So you play your part
and uphold the integrity of it.
A thing, has no integrity, nor virtues
morals and beliefs. A thing, has no
conception of dignity. So you
project your self-righteous beliefs
upon an idea that masquerades
as a structure. A foundation
to our society’s systems. This
system becomes flawless. When
fault is found, people substitute for
blame. The people who created
the systems are flawed, not the
systems themselves you say. Broad
strokes should only be applied to
people, not the flawless systems.
Unless the broad stroke is of success.
Your illusions of control power and comfort
are as temporary as the buildings that
apparently must burn in order for you to
finally admit, once seen with your own eyes
that there is a problem. But at that moment
the only problem admitted is the one you
identify with. The wrong problem, yet
the right one for you. It is the effect of
a cause, but it is not ‘your’ cause, so
you will confess to a problem that
made you feel uncomfortable. Because
it destroyed your delusionary belief
of control and power. Rendering you
vulnerable. Making you feel unsafe.
Because you feel uncomfortable.
Because you choose to care. But
what you care about is your self’s
interest. So yes it is a discomfort
from a ‘self’ care, not a human care.
It is a care of vanity. Not the care I
speak of, nor is it worthy of a complaint
of discomfort. Therefore our discomforts
are spawn of two worlds, though can be
explained the same. You choose to care…
about your life. This is your right. And I,
to your surprise, choose to care about my life
as well. And the way that your life affects
mine, and many others. Because the way
that your life is appraised above others.
Because the system makes you
comfortable, giving you the illusion
of control. A system you give the
authority of God. As to say, it is
omnipresent, omniscient, and
omnipotent. While it also mirrors
the virtues of your savior, in that it
is apparently blameless righteous
just and equal. And this makes me
feel unsafe and uncomfortable. Because
it makes you feel safe and comfortable.
This is why you say that you care, that
I could careless, and won’t do myself
the disservice and indignity of
believing you. And I am perfectly fine
making you uncomfortable. Because
I choose to care about my life, and
the selfless care in the humanity of all
oppressed peoples in the urban community
and all over the world. Malcolm X said,
it is not a Black problem. Nor is it a Minority
problem. It is a Human problem. It is a World
problem, not an American problem. Though
America perpetuates this most. And one
group of people can’t act as the power
oppressor and superiors on one hand. On the
other hand, voice grievance and be seen as
benevolent saviors most capable to fix
the problem while reaping advantageously
off the status comforts. The fact that your
discomfort stems from my desire to no
longer be uncomfortable is the very problem.
And until you stop trying to overly scrutinize
how demoralized people should fight, then
your comfort and opinion, are of the same
care me, as your care of me, compared to
your care of property and other acquired
possessions inherited attained and
maintained by your privilege. Therefore,
until we can echo, the desire feigned in the
battered traumatized and humiliated
words spoken by Rodney King, -a man
beaten by your structure’s illusion
of power and control- “Can we all just
get along?” Then while embodying the
pride, gusto, and excitement of a boxing
ring announcer’s words trumpeted from
belly deep. Introducing and illustrating a
carnal desire to see two worlds collide in a
display of will and might, to name a
last standing champion of the people
at bout’s end. Whom shall go on to be
paraded and believed in by all who
gathered to be won over. Just as the
ring announcer screams, “Let’s Get Ready
To Ruuuuuummmmbbbbbbllllleeeeee!”
I echo his sentiments and say, “Let’s Get
Ready To Stay Uncomfoooorrtttabbbblleee!”
At least until you are more ready to begin
caring about more than yourselves, while
woofing hallow words of support from your
clean and comfortable distances. Because
as people, it takes effort to survive. But as
people, should not take effort to be humane.
It should not take effort to care. That is an
issue of humanity, of care. Care should
be just as comfortable as your inauthentic
care has been. So wherever there is
depravity of care, there is a depravity
of humanity. Therefore we are all depraved