No government names
only numbers and monikers
swastikas
and other affiliated insignias
cartel and mafia
illegal immigrants
non English speakers
numbering minorities dominant
whites and other colors
and many religious denominates
drug addicts drug dealers
alcoholics, pill poppers
zombies with insomnia
handicaps, deaf
crippled and blind
mentally ill
mentally deficiency obvious
drop outs and alumni of colleges
associates and doctorates
preachers and politicians
profiteers, privateers
molesters, rapers
killers, robbers
and drunk drivers here
obese, anorexics
sickly, diabetics
giants and midgets
gays and transgenders
once incriminated
integrated then segregated
because
prisoners discriminate
prisoners discriminated
prisons don’t discriminate
so I wonder…
is it the world
or the prisons that imitate
Valentine’s Day 2020
here we are
on this one day of love
which I believe is irony
because since knowing you
every day has been love
but somehow
I have to do the impossible
by culminating what feels like eternity
into one day
but that’s just it
all we have
all we ever had
was one day
and then that day
however slow
or fast
blended into the next day
and still
there we were
and here we are
with all there is
and all we have
in this one day
carrying the weight of the universe
which we’ve somehow fit into one word
called Love
simplicity is a delicacy
I believed too complicated to journey this vast day
that we conclude into a life at its end
even now
I fumble when less words are needed
because how can I capture effect
and all its grandeur
in my limited lexicon
I don’t know the words that exist
but I know that love lives
and I just figured it out
things I see, exist
but things I feel, live
your love gives me life
and this life is worth living
because I feel
I know
I have
your love
the only purpose worth spelling with just four letters
Happy Valentines Day–I Live, I Love You
—
Roses are Red
Violets are Blue
but I have more than just colors and flowers for you
Roses may turn their nose up at me
and Violets may speak truth to my mood every now and then
but no one flower
or bouquet for that matter
can properly present to you the gift that I have
nor can it symbolize the beauty it withholds
because flowers, though gorgeous
they wilt
then die
but what I have,
what I hold
and what I bear
is promise,
it’s sacred
its eternal
and its yours
with this life and space we share and inhabit with others
I got you a priceless gift
I took time to let it mature
so I can unwrap it for you in the right season
and what better time than now
Here’s my Heart
Here’s my Soul
Here’s my Love
all in one
engraved beyond the clouds
from the star crowded galaxy of eternity
Roses are Red
Violets are Blue
but I have more than just colors and flowers for you
—
the first time I heard you say you loved me
my eyes watered,
like young flowers in hungry soil
there first time I realized I loved you
my heart tightened,
like a baby’s hand around your finger
and still,
you yet to lose your grip on my heart
my chest constricts
and my belly flutters
like in a free fall down a mighty rollercoaster
and every word I try to pronounce
exits my mouth like a breathless scream
I realized something
my whole life,
I’ve searched diligently for a cause
but the real wonder
has been in the bliss of your effect
ever since the first time…
—
I knew I loved you
because you know when that one special thing happens
and you know exactly where you were
how you felt
and the exact lay out of the scene?
well, one time I closed my eyes
and I damn near jumped
thinking I’d lost control of my faculties
so I kept closing and opening my eyes
and nothing changed
then I realized
nothing was wrong
you had just imprinted on me so deeply
that even when my eyes were shut
you didn’t go anywhere
you were right there
like live wallpaper at the back of my eyelids
I still saw you as vivid as before
and I knew then
you were both dream and reality
to which there was no escape
and I finally welcomed sleep
just as much as I welcomed waking up to you right there
—
we have so many distractions in the world
its nice to be centered back on love
to decompress and focus on the more important things
calming my monkey mind
but I try to look at you and stay present
stay in the moment
and sometimes the moment overwhelms me
because you have so so soooo many distractions
—
I felt married when I met you
knowing I’d give in to your heart
and give up on chasing others
then, when I married you
I felt fated
believing I knew God in that instant
being placed exactly where His plan had led me
I prayed this prayer so many times
and now,
I had finally been granted it
sweet, sweet serenity
—
after so many years
word lose their glamour
and memories start to infringe upon one another
but feel,
oh the feel
it never loses its touch
your being
your essence your spirit
is like rose pedals
or finger tips
slightly tracing the surface of my flesh
giving rise to my pulse
dilating my eyes
and setting chills to the back of my neck
like the wind whispering intimate secrets at my ears
after so many years
I’m not numb
I’m still young and ripe
like fresh picked grapes from a vineyard
awaiting to be a part of the story of an aging wine
after all these years
I still don’t know enough
and the only way I believe l can tell you that I love you
is to still explore your vastness
as hungry to know even more of you
as I was just to know you
—
I don’t dance
but the things that I’d try for you
I can’t sing
but the things I’d try for you
I can’t cook
but the things I’ll do for you
I don’t clean
but the things you make me do!
—
teddy bears?
check!
roses?
check!
chocolates
check!
grapes?
check!
wine?
check!
skittles?
check!
and umm…
an all expense paid trip away for a night at a Holiday Inn!
check!
Happy Valentines Day!
—
I figure
a great way to teach our kids
about where they came from,
the birds and the bees
and love!
is to explain to them the importance of Valentine’s Day
because without it,
they wouldn’t exist
Happy Valentines Day
eat your heart out
Emotions I suffer
I suffocate
swallow fear-
stomach ache
lies, seem to supplicate
pride, soon subjugates
emotions I suffer,
I suffocate
oh,
and my stomach hurts too..
must be something I ate
“resistance”
I don’t know if changing fully is possible in prison
maybe changing your prison
escaping the one of self
it’s just that this environment isn’t safe
there has to be a level of conformity
and healthy distrust and distance of and from authority
for survival sakes anyway
in order to survive and live on
life demands you adapt, then evolve
but evolution has to be a process
not sudden
that’s too radical
being radical in prison..eh
time and place
also, resistance has to be considered
what if people resist your change
then what…
I always say
I won’t be fully changed until I’m out of prison
because that ‘what if’ still applies
and can imply life death
or a prolonged sentence
prison is about survival
not change
but if you’ve done enough ‘surviving’
you’ll be entitled your time for change
just not full blown
because there will always be
resistance
and who are you inside of that ‘prison of circumstance’
better to change the prison of self first
because in this prison,
control is relinquished
we can only seek to change those things we can control
and brace ourselves for those which we can’t
plans are challenged when meeting opposition
though resistance authenticates all change
who are you in the face of ‘resistance’
all by myself
eh mhm?!?
is this mic on?
anyone hear me?
helloooo?
I feel that fallen tree in the forest
does anyone,
anyone out there feel like me
seen
but unseen
heard
but unheard
just an acquired taste
I think I keep people around because…
well just to prove that I’m real
truthfully none of them get how I feel
none of them know what I feel
they wouldn’t want to either
I mean,
how much of someone else’s horrid truth,
would we really wanna bear anyway?
they may say the right things
but those perfect things, still escape them
understandably so,
you can only say what you know
ugh, this life is so complicated
emotions are so layered and complex
who honestly feels truly free to express
I mean really express without restraint
relations are so constraining and crowding
how can you ever be authentic within them
unresolved problems carry over and overlap
but if you can’t decompress with those closest then…
we’re all just this walking talking ball of repressed energy
every bit of stuffed with all the wrong things
why can’t my being be a walking vessel of inhalation
and ventilation
so I can always be uncongested
clear and not full of myself
I wish I could tell someone my every thought
my every desire
knowing they’d listen and accept them
without judgement or fear
nor face and drawn out breaths
I wonder if my desires come from untold thoughts
feelings and emotions
maybe they’re formed
formed by deformed versions of urge suppressed
only to come out confused
seeking any outlet possible
I don’t wanna run anymore
can anyone hear me?!
I don’t wanna run anymore
I want to be me
but I need to find me first
whose with me?!
hello??
hello???..
thought so…
I’m more than I been thru
Lose a lot
bruised a lot
abused a lot
used a lot
moved a lot
locked in rooms a lot
youth was lost
anger,
fumed like fuel exhaust
used to losses
confused, distraught
refused and fought
presumed at fault
a nooses knot
won’t loosen up
listen im,
a nuisance, not-
a puny dot
a ruined plot
a moody lot
a drooling snot
a crooning spot
an oozing blot
ima shooting star
just food for thought