Emotions I suffer
I suffocate
swallow fear-
stomach ache
lies, seem to supplicate
pride, soon subjugates
emotions I suffer,
I suffocate
oh,
and my stomach hurts too..
must be something I ate
Spirit
“resistance”
I don’t know if changing fully is possible in prison
maybe changing your prison
escaping the one of self
it’s just that this environment isn’t safe
there has to be a level of conformity
and healthy distrust and distance of and from authority
for survival sakes anyway
in order to survive and live on
life demands you adapt, then evolve
but evolution has to be a process
not sudden
that’s too radical
being radical in prison..eh
time and place
also, resistance has to be considered
what if people resist your change
then what…
I always say
I won’t be fully changed until I’m out of prison
because that ‘what if’ still applies
and can imply life death
or a prolonged sentence
prison is about survival
not change
but if you’ve done enough ‘surviving’
you’ll be entitled your time for change
just not full blown
because there will always be
resistance
and who are you inside of that ‘prison of circumstance’
better to change the prison of self first
because in this prison,
control is relinquished
we can only seek to change those things we can control
and brace ourselves for those which we can’t
plans are challenged when meeting opposition
though resistance authenticates all change
who are you in the face of ‘resistance’
Sleeping Away
Sleep is like treading the darkest abyss
where shadows have bodies,
and nightmares exist
feeling blood from my wrist
it flows like the red sea before it was split
night time I drift
don’t turn on the lights,
a day in the light frightens me stiff
life is a risk…
fall because climbing exerts
the higher, the climate gets worse
jump off the ledge just to land in the dirt
eyes full of dirt
the things that I’ve seen
how can it get worse
mind as vivid as movies
this is too real
then it keeps reeling
and reeling
I’m dealing
my feelings
are filled up
with build up
from ceilings
I try to hide under
look-ing out the window–
its too high to land
so fly if I can
or die if I cant
Self Love
Your past says not to trust him
you’ve seen a halo under horns
but u don’t see the world how you used to
you embrace the flower with its thorns
but when loneliness starts to creep in
and everyone close seems foreign
you just look into the mirror for some company
and smile thru the jade and the scorn
Your friends told you not to love him
your daddy says you been warned
but you don’t see colors how they do
you say black the new orange
but if a cold front comes in today
how are you gonna stay warm
when you can’t touch him when u need to
so you just wrap your arms and hug your-self love
you love him, ’cause you got self love
he loves you, ’cause you got self love
they fear for you, ’cause they ain’t got self love
love your-self, love your-self love
you don’t need no help love
’cause you got self-love-your-self love
Looking Down
Damn…
it’s a sad life for a caterpillar
I wonder
what he sees when he looks up at the butterflies
I wonder
what he thinks crawling beneath them butterflies
I wonder
if the butterfly
that landed on the daffodil
looked down at the caterpillar
and remembered how it feels
In Your Own Way
It’s hard to live a dream
when comfort what you reaching for
its hard to know love
when all you know is keeping score
its hard to see the grey
when you only believe in ‘either, or’
its hard to seize the day
when everybody sleeping lord..