sacrifice, to me
is a way of life
my, way of life
I’m not a kamikaze-ist
I’m not suicidal…all the time
and I don’t have a martyr complex…at this moment
but when self preservationist and I collide
I’m radioactive, toxic, chaos, and explosive
as it would appear to them, I’m incapable of composure
and they are somehow more settled civilized and composed
preserving something that is beyond my threshold of understanding and ability
so they caution themselves to me
because their fear of death
and ego of believing themselves being the sole life to carry on something bigger than me
and apparently, however contradictive, bigger than them
though they may not say it
their actions are indicative of that line of reasoning
and my rambunctious way of being all the way out there is impractical
and destined to fail
as if to say,
the same things I’m willing to die for
is less than the thing they are unwilling to die for
yet wanting to live for
but how many of the living, and whatever they moralistically stood for, have become immortalized
and though this question seems like I have a death wish
which I don’t
I merely don’t fear it as much as others
so I speak to it casually
as if it’s not different than life
but how many have died and the message they lived behind became immortalized
it would seem to me
that my way, my WayOfLife
isn’t so impractical and destructive
since our world doesn’t properly appreciate anything, including life
until life has ran out
until time has ran out
until supplies has ran OUT!
that my way of thought is more constructive to our spoiled and detached society
although we’d like to believe something more
and see ourselves as more
we aren’t
we’re still primal, savage, sensationalists, and archaic in our line of reasoning
per the information available to us now that is
because back in antiquity
this wouldn’t even be a line needing to be drawn
or a topic of discussion
this very thing would be heresy so to speak
to cling so strong to a life that is impermanent
as to preserve something that is also,
impermanent
because all things change
and so do we
we just change backward
and fool ourselves that we are moving forward
with one processive, timid step at a time
because ‘change takes time’
is a slow process of growth that we’ve bought into
to feel better with our slow, unproductive foot forward
but the truth is, ‘time takes change’
once you wrap your mind around that
you’ll understand each line I said and see my point more clear
for the moment before denial and doubt confronts your conformed, boxed, and sensationalist mindsets
because frankly
you’re all just like the rest
unless you’re not
until you’re not
’til then, you are a KNOT
viewing my Way Of Life, my very moniker, as a NOT
that you are tied to not trying to understanding and thinking against
if I die
my wrongs will be spoke of
but my WayOfLife will have the biggest platform it could ever imagine
and though that’s a sad way to think
but it gives me more value of the moments I have to live hard for the things I love
so death won’t disappoint who I was, and what I cared for
and therefore, living makes my thrill for change
and my excitement for the generations to come
so much more…explosive! 😉
death is only ‘a’ beginning
Spirit
White People
the more I learn about me
the more I learn of our history
the more I learn about why I go through what I have
the more I learn about what you refuse to acknowledge on my behalf
the more I learn about what they refuse to teach
the more I learn about undertones, innuendos, and hidden/figures of speech
the more I learn about privilege keeping us at the feet of defeat
the more I learn about how hopes and dreams became misery and bleak
the more I learn about music dance and a beat
the more I learn about genres, cultures, trends, fashion, and food that we eat
the more I learn about the history of politics, policies, laws, prisons and police
the more I learn about gentrification, redlining, highways, and urban streets
the more I learn about invasions, religion, missionaries and the message they preach
the more I learn about education, integration, schools, indoctrination, and the lessons they teach
the more I learn about institutions, systems, programs, and government all which prey on the weak
the more I learn about statistics, ratios, quotas, and expectations for me
the more I learn about stereotypes, biases, racism, hate and the nature of beasts
the more I learn about social sciences, experimentation, conditioning, and how cycles repeat
the more I learn patriarchy, monarchy, democracy, north american slavery, perspective, perception, socialism, communism, Marxism, capitalism and I think
the more I question possessing, possessions, property, thieves, ownership, patens, control, and narratives which manipulate how we see
the more I question inheritance, reciprocity, karma, reparations, allowances, and scriptured promises to the meek
the more I question the amount of pride that I and we continue to drink
the more I question why, not will, but why don’t I have the will to hate you
why do I have to be patient with your process of understanding us
it takes work to be me,
it takes nothing for you to be
it takes work for you to understand, but it pays you nothing monetarily
it takes work for me to not hate you, and that has monetary value
because whether you know it or not, you control everything
and when you scream, the world comes running
and when I cry out, the world arrests me…just to protect your reality
and now my equality is a threat to your peace
because you benefitted from tilted scales that were just accepted
but as the scales begin to quake towards balance, you experience just a fraction of my disorientation and already you can’t stand it
now you feel oppressed
and those that look like you that try to right those wrongs, somehow you view them as traitorous, yet believe you are not part of the problem
irony
strength is in not hating you, not calling you out, catering to your comfort, having mixed relations and kids
though I feel the effects of your reign at this very moment
which is why I write right this minute instead of war
some of the best people I know, look like you
but most of the worst people I know and fear, look like you
and most people you know, either fear or hate people that look like me
history is clearly yours, its biggest winners and writers
most people that write about it even resemble you at startling numbers
but however one sided the consented truth appears, what’s clear is
you’ve got your fingerprints all throughout history, while mine you have swept under the rug, stolen and claimed as your own with the changing of names, or completely erased
but for the few goods you have done, for your shallow attempts at recompense, there’s so much bad that you ignore and still proceed forth with
because you still benefit from a supremacy consciousness that started with your Darwinism and all that studied under him, continuing where he left off
when you asked, we gave, we taught
yet you plotted, stole, conquered, and killed burned pillaged and enslaved to cover your tracks
making the world believe we were descended from monkeys and were only savages, so care of treatment towards animals never ruffled your christian feathers
your morality stayed intact
in order for you to continue benefiting off our backs
and my only question is, through it all, what did we ever do to you
Schizo
shhh, listen, he’s talking right now
“is he talking to us or them”
shut up! you hear he’s talking to them, or her
“well he hears us”
but he is ignoring you because you can’t ever wait your turn, you’re so impulsive
“he’s implosive! he is us, why do you always act like we aren’t all one? we help him!”
he knows that, and I don’t act like that, but he knows they won’t understand
“so what, why does he hide us, he wears his disguises and helps everyone but himself”
well they need him, and they need to understand everything because people fear what they don’t understand, and you know what happens if they fear us
“yea yea yea, well tell him I’m lonely too, they won’t be around forever, they’ll leave us, him, whatever, just like everyone else when the going gets tough, and he’ll want to talk with us then”
he still has to exist in this world, you know that
“this world is temporary, he’s great and they won’t let him be, yet he should still love them and hide his true self, he’s living a lie”
he has to…everyone does
“well he shouldn’t have to blend in! I want my time in the sun too!”
every time he gives you time, you chase everyone away, people need his humor, counsel, and composure
“I have that!”
you do in your own way, but they view you as overly intense, emotional, and impulsive
“so!”
Advice
advice on love
don’t!
advice on feel
touch
advice on hearing
shhh
advice on seeing
look
advice on living
laugh
advice on dying
live
advice on fear
face
advice on tolerance
mirror
advice on creativity
imagine
advice on faith
leap
advice on passion
revel
advice on pain
embrace
advice on pleasure
moderation
advice on vices
subtract
advice on mind
change
advice on love
Do!
If you searching for signs to see that God is just like you
if you wanna see God smile
visit California
if you don’t think God cries too
go to Portland
if you wanna see God blow out candles
travel to Oklahoma
if you wanna know when God feels blase
head to Montana
if you question if there’s any more to life
leave north Dakota
if you don’t believe God holds grudges
become friends with an Alaskans
and if you don’t believe God can be indecisive
live in Nebraska
and after you do all this, you may just go to a mirror and see,
God in you
or even more audaciously,
god is You
because You are in God’s image
You and God are one
though logic separates you
the spirit joins you
although you can’t see the spirit
you feel its effect
just like God
but I say, you can see God
stop searching, and Look
but maybe this is why self-reflection is so hard a thing to do, and grasp
because you’ve been taught that you can’t look God in the eyes
and if you were finally able,
who would you admit this discovery to?
so like they say, God is all around you
and if you so happen to find God
keep what you find to yourself
history reflects that lesson
Omens
wolf
howling in the distance
conceding an omen
a pile of bones
left in my closet
I’m sending to storage
pandemics,
paradoxes,
and paranormal portraits
swinging
on my leaning walls
coming in and out of focus
secrets
being whispered within the wind
’til I feel the breeze
life forces
life pushes
me down to my knees
only for me to understand
something deeper
than the height at which I stand