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Prose of a Con

Poetry and Prose by Russell Wardlow

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Mercy

Believe Me You

January 20, 2020 by Russell Wardlow Leave a Comment

Believe Me You

the surface is see thru

some things you just need to see it thru

and maybe you’ll see Me in you

instead of wrapping yourself up in seeing things with reasoning and meanings that is only seasonal

Believe Me You

we’re all one, so I believe in you

because it is I, Me, We, that I see in You

everything is not what it seems, if the seam is between Me and You

separated only by genes, not color schemes, and material means that should mean nothing more than things to You

fall in love with the process, even pain, because experiences thru out the years only serve to season You

reality is what you make of it, knowledge isn’t bland, so experience is seasoned food Believe Me You

I see a theme of dreams in You

Love, is how I’d choose to speak to You

because God is Love, and Love is all, so even if We never meet, I hope Love is what I mean to You

We’re God’s creation, so We never would have to greet for Me to see who I’m speaking to

You may not know Me, though I think of You oh, and the world is what I think of You!

I can still Love You even if I don’t agree with You your individuality is what I hope is woken and stays free in You

I pray You never believe there’s limits to what a Life of Love can bring to You the gift of Darkness is that You know Light, and I see deep that your Light has high beams and gleams in you

Believe Me You

I is We, so hopefully I can lean on you

your roots produce the fruits you reap, I see the tree in You

bask in your sprouting growth and worry less of leaves leaving You

your Spirit is Eternal, your body and this world only has a lease on You

don’t corrupt your mind by letting temporary things speak for You

Faith is believing in things unseen and reasoning with the unbelievable

the only Time is Now, thoughts manifest your moment, so basing tomorrow from the past is unfeasible

no matter who and where You are, I have Faith right Now I’m reaching You

Believe Me You

Me is You

if You see the ‘We’ in ‘Week’, not weak, because We will see it thru

Filed Under: Culture, Love, Mercy, Spirit

New Cellys

January 20, 2020 by Russell Wardlow Leave a Comment

new cellys..

sharing living arrangements

that isn’t…no

that Ain’t Easy!

it never is its the worst news

getting a new celly that you didn’t choose

even celling with some friends

yaw kinda kool outside the room

but living together is a whole other issue

sharing food space and trust

its an intrusion, privacy is big

do they have their own stuff

this they first time in prison or not

do they know how to do time

are they institutionalized

“…aye Young Russ, who your celly?”

Idk, he from Lincoln

I just left so he could move his things in

“you didn’t screen him, what color is he?”

I didn’t feel like talking…I’ll rap with him later

shit, couples in love can barely live together

and now I have to search for compatibility

or cope with being uncomfortable

sharing testosterone ain’t easy

this room ain’t big enough for the both of us!

I got my schedule

you moved in

fit in…or get out

don’t snore

I snore

don’t fart

or flush them and burn the scents

clean up

make your bed

you take showers?

you got soap?

wipe the water off the sink

wipe the toilet seat

wash your hands

don’t be in here all day!

I need my space and alone time too

what’s your name?

what’s your charge?

where you from?

don’t touch my stuff

oh, you know him?!

that’s what’s up!

My name WayOfLife

or you can call me Young Russ,

I’m koo kinda goofy

but chill mostly

my schedule is like this and that

that koo?

fuhsho how much time you got left

damn that’s crazy

we just might get along

what’s your story?

you hungry?

you need anything?

can you see the TV?

you break, you buy

otherwise mi casa y su casa

but its mostly mi casa!

lol…but for real tho, you feel me?

protect the fort with your life, aight

no visitors after 8

my shows are on

u watch the voice?

Filed Under: Culture, Inside, Mercy, Spirit

Still, He Did His Time

January 20, 2020 by Russell Wardlow Leave a Comment

He did his time, sitting in place

travelling only in his mind

finding his spot, he sat

daily, and there

he was, and in that place he began

taking in the scenery

listening to the many voices, until

peace became his sound

viewing the same routines

same movements-different bodies, faces

he sat there, watching

absorbing the elements-

regardless the weather, because this was his routine,

there, he remained still

but he escaped

into the vast highways of his mind

learning more of himself

or maybe regretting what became of himself

despite the crashing of thoughts and emotions

trying to decipher which was what

stoically his demeanor prevailed

never letting on

a show of contemplation

nor contention

solemn, tranquil, still

he’d smile

laugh

talk

then, silence

vanishing within his mind

insurrecting to an uncrowded place

there’s only him

nothing can be, without his ascent

and as he sat

and sat

and sat

he became and remained free

free for the moment

(…yard closed!)

until now

so he got up

but we all knew

he’d be right back

that’s how he did his time, still

and still,

he did his time

his name was

Mr.E

Filed Under: Culture, Inside, Mercy, Spirit

Dreams

January 20, 2020 by Russell Wardlow Leave a Comment

I used to have dreams…

I’m out of my mind now

you call me crazy

like who are you to tell me that I should think more

of the things I dream for

as if you’ve seen what I’ve seen and can deem that my dream is lore

I said I Used to have dreams but what were those dreams for?

what? would they make my life mean more

putting up all these see thru barriers, like screen doors

running from mirrors, yet attention I fiend for

money over everything but me, in my mind I hover clouds and green floors!

I said I used to dream

but I wouldn’t speak about the things I would dream for

emotions confused as thoughts,

thoughts confused as emotions

put in motion, doing anything by any means just to have a dream to dream for just to have the means for

materials that would make me mean more

despite whatever it means, as long as it means more!

But reality told me to dream on

so I listened and dreamed more

but imagination is too abstract to lean on

then my knees hit the concrete so hard that my jeans tore

have you ever chased something you willing to get scrapes and bleed for?

that something inspiring you to get up of the canvass and fight on like a theme song?

I said I used to dream

well I guess those dreams are gone

now every waking moment is akin to the darkest before dawn

Filed Under: Love, Mercy, Spirit, Trauma

Russel

January 20, 2020 by Russell Wardlow Leave a Comment

Russell

who are you?

what does that even mean, who am I?

Answering that question sometimes is as weird and uncomfortable as asking it

You are strength power reserve resilience perseverance creative individual original idealistic spiritually exuberant champion brave and courageous

but what you aren’t, is identity

you aren’t confidence as much as you are pride ego indignity

you are just as much beaten down and weak as you are strong and powerful but this is why you are reserve resilience and perseverance

yet still instilled like steel, you are just as much deflated simple and predictable as you are creative

you are just as much judged, judgmental, hated, and hateful as you are your own individual you are every bit of everybody else their business and opinions as you are original and idealistic

you are every bit of shaped as much as u are a shape-shifter

u are every bit scared and fearful as u are brave and courageous

u are every bit a loser as u are a champion

you are a robot on autopilot

why?

Because u succumb

because u just put up

because u can do bad all by yourself

and u just koo and chillin

and u not trippin

and you wit it

and fuck it

cuz its whatever

and u not phased

and u just doing u

and ‘it is what it is’

and you in your own lane

same shit different day…

why…

why is dreaming for more and putting the work in so hard for you?

What, are u just good with complaining?

Accepting everything as is?

Then u hate on people dream of more

and that’s koo, but u have no real self value

all u do is what u been trained

and don’t say that ain’t tru

but that ain’t u

u living everyone else’s expectations

no matter how great or bad

ready to blow up and defend Nothing first chance you get at who u deem as opposition really,

u battling yourself and your own fears, needing respect and exposure

life is already a war, so why do u insist on creating more wars and battle wounds for yourself fighting all these different faces just as lost scared and confused as u

in the field just so u can have a story to tell

u wanna ‘keep it real, thorough, a hunned and all’

but if u in a mood u don’t wanna here the truth

so since you all about dares then..

I dare you!

to become, instead of just being

I dare you!

to exercise restraint while directing your pain towards a path of purpose-

not believing you are selling yourself short by not reacting,

but realizing that by proactivity, you make more gains towards a future built by You-

rather than one built for you by being impulsive, acting out of fear-which you call anger

no

u not mad

u just a scared boy that’s too afraid to grow up

believing your pain and story is something special and different than everyone else’s…

in a fight, who gets the best seats, the spectator or the fighter?

I dare you to stop spectating, and fight for more

fight for yourself to become yourself

don’t fight yourself because you’re scared and scarred

those are self inflicted, stop lying to yourself!

become you! let’s think out the box for a second

radical as opposed to conventional wisdoms…

what if i told you that the way you view the word ‘selfish’ has made you feel sorry for everybody outside of u

that u have no time and energy for self growth

that it keeps u in the same position

because your meaning of sacrifice is actually sabotage

because u hate yourself!

and u rather just do for others so u can stop thinking about who it is that u believe they see when they look at u

what if I told u that working on self is the best way to help someone else?

I is We

helping yourself is helping others

how can u improve things outside of u-

if the barriers inside u, have u so cut off that u can’t take heed to your own message-

u can’t even see yourself no more

how can u have an idea of what other people need if u don’t know what u need?!

u can’t build self value off others

u build self value by building self up

then u help by showing others how to do the same-

we are built to build UP, not accumulate build up

the cycles you get stuck in are of your own creation

when u lead for self,

when the only voice u hear is your own,

and the voice of those u try to help are mute,

than what are u doing?

stop preaching!

live your truth

let go of yesterday and tomorrow

be present

right here and now

you are a teacher just by all you’ve experienced

a teacher gives a platform for voices

a teacher learns twice by teaching

a teacher embraces the challenge of learning thru experience self growth and new environments

once u figure that we’re all a product of our environment,

u can choose to make your environment productive

your environment isn’t just who you are

u can create and move your environment

but “without discipline there is no development” Maulana Karenga said that

ultimately, you are who you create yourself to be

so next time I ask you who you are,

your answer should be a creation of your own

not of someone else’s

so, who are you?

Young R.U.S.S.!

Filed Under: Culture, Love, Mercy, Spirit

Right or Wrong

January 20, 2020 by Russell Wardlow Leave a Comment

I’m right that you’re wrong

you’re right that I’m wrong?

I’m wrong if you’re right?!

you damn right that you’re wrong!…

hold on, maybe you’re wrong that I’m right

I can see right when I’m wrong

but I can see right thru your wrongs

and you only see my wrongs, that aint right!

You say I’m wrong, because you’re right

you just like to be right, no matter your wrongs

no matter your flaws

no matter your past

no matter my pain

no matter my plummets

you raise the bar

pat yourself on the back, you passed your bar exam

you’re a judge now

your honor, you’re right

whatever you say goes

but now, no matter what you say

you’re wrong

so I’m gone.

Filed Under: Culture, Mercy, Trauma

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Prose of a Con

Prose of a Con is a collection of Russell Wardlow’s prose and poetry written entirely behind bars. Through writings on family, spirituality, freedom, love, justice, redemption, and vulnerability, Russell seeks to show the humanity and hope of individuals like himself who are incarcerated.

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  • Whose Mind is it Anyway June 30, 2022
  • Objects June 30, 2022
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  • Optical Ill-lusions June 30, 2022
  • Hollow Symbols June 30, 2022

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