I desired to hold your
hand
when I reached
you didn’t know that I was
falling
and you would be holding
me up
but you shooed my
need
believing it something else
and walked off
busily
because your hands were
plenty full
and your time wasn’t
plentiful
Love
Know Me Better
how can I forsake you
was it not your conducting that created me
your keen eye for detail that designed me
but as I matured,
I outgrew you
replacing your significance with a will of my own
jaded by my own experiences
believing you could be found again, many times over
at that point I suppose
you became less an object of affection
and more an object of possession
a conquest ending in conquered and conqueror
but isn’t you that etched dexterity to the pianist,
or expanded breath to the saxophonist?
is it not you that gifts passion to the savant?
oh love, how forgotten you are
tell me what would become of me
and this world
if you truly did not exist?
and why do I only praise you, in the vessel of she
rather than the wondrous majesty of all?
oh love, please remind me of your presence
my every waking hour
as the sun smiles onto the flawed
and the moon glows upon the misunderstood
and the clouds hide your secrets
while the stars spark my imagination
I may never be worthy of you
but you will always be my reason
whether I know it or not
because you know better
I See You Mama
I see you mama
don’t be led astray by these deceitful people, nor let the distance mislead you mama
they judge when they see you, but I see a good heart haunted by demons and surrounding evil mama
people are as they judge, but don’t budge cuz you not evil mama
shhh, be peaceful mama
be resilient and let the spirit keep you mama
my heart is your temple until the day my name will build you a cathedral mama
let your karma be your armor mama
and let love arm ya mama
I know about trauma mama
it can make you a monster amongst mambas pythons and anacondas mama
I know how all the trauma you weather and weathered for better through whatever,
when most would have been conquered you acted unbothered with the strength of a father, despite the guilt on your conscience, you remained dauntless mama
in awe just watching how you topple all your problems and drama mama
I understood that your way of life is resilience under stressful situations and it impressed and imprinted on me so much that it became my name and mantra mama
but you gon make it
your struggles make you a saint, so your pain is sacred
so rise from out that basement
walk to the light and face it
because you are now armed like a bracelet
release yourself from those chains and hold strong to all your changes and your favorite savior and faith in your creator, despite pains craters, your belief is a cure and curator, just as your spirit defies your age making you ageless
go at the diversity of adversity with an equal passionate rage
as defiant as a lion crying or roaring through abhorrent torrents of torment and torture, imploring his aura, to take over the surrounding grounds and decor, as the jungles prevailing lord, its mane, like your hair, adding stories to his lore, his light shinning like prismed orbs, clawing and chewing through the gore, of hunting for more, embodied as prey, and as you pray, you are now all chance and opportunities predator
through all the bullshit, freedom and opportunity still taunts you like matadors
but even as you’re vulnerable you refuse to be torn into, split separated, and torn in two
because in these streets you graduated as a valedictorian, and don’t wish to take a moment back even in a dolor-ian
ma you’ve been forewarned, from your spawn born, and I’m imploring you, amongst everything swarming you
occupy your own universe you’ve mastered like a university
just enter into your adverse orpheum dorm or auditorium of abnormal emporiums taking it all in through your corneas
and be in awe and marvel
at all you mauled that tried to corner ya, all you seen, been through and accomplished with endorphins spiked like dorsal fins, you a shark in the sea, because like drake said, you’re in God form walking amongst immortal men, so remember that with each morning you’re yawning in
I was just a fetus
sometimes, I can almost remember the times, as if I was aware, conscious, and responsive to the expanse of my current memories of when you used to talk to me when I was inside of your stomach
you were only a young desperate alienated scared traumatized and hopeful woman
but throughout all you were going through, you stayed protective and prepared for what was coming
and you would say its OK baby, ‘we gon’ make it’
now I’m far from and outside of you
and the times have beaten you, trauma has still left its scars in a world that has alienated your strength and story, rendering you misunderstood and unappreciated to everyone else, as you are too proud to cry for help
when it’s what you do for others that has only made you feel like you had any semblance of worth in self, but now as a man, I’m whispering to you, we gon’ make it
we gon’ make it
we gon’ make it
ma! you gon make it!
and I know life has been the betrayed love that deceives and cheats on you, as you cater to a wounded heart that keeps on breakin and bleeding through
but ma! you gon’ make it!
I know the lows have the longest holds on you, and there’s no more reason for there to be struggles you have to shoulder through
you getting older and your passion may no longer smolder, as your bones begin to feel colder and your movements a bit slower, but I got a butterfly pictured inside my arm tucked like folder, and I see my Gemini butterfly fluttering to the sky
ingesting light like enzymes, serenaded by my rhymes
as I say, we gon make it
ma you gon make it
and I wish I could shield you, but I’m reminding you that I can feel you, and I know you needed to hear this in the worst way, so from your first son, like a happy birthday
but I just learned that possibly again this country and system failed you
I don’t even know what I can begin to tell you
I can’t call or email you
I’m in a cell that feels like a shell too
while learning of another one of your falls that they consider as fails and the only way that they rather help you
is to jail you
revocating your parole as there’s something deeper that ails you
while placing you in a cell, where you get to watch if they slide your mail through
it’s like watching you placed in a coffin as they hammer the last nail through
now where do I go from here?
hope and the promises I hear sound more like jokes, smoke and mirrors
it’s already hard to focus here
when the holes in here and the open ears, try to hold you here, and the road will veer, when you close and near, as atonement leers
bemoaning fears
thoughts roam the spheres like drones in air
swollen tears
no one cares
no sincere, person will take a second to phone you dear
tired
woman
speaking of gut feelings, I knew something was off, cuz I arised from your stomach…so I know what’s there
and you’re at your wit’s end
you couldn’t even correct one split end
even if you combed your hair
you’d have to cut it all off and start all over again
but how many restarts can you have in one existence, when problems seem like they never will end
many won’t, and one truly isn’t enough
but I see you mama, even as I’m tearing up
and I wish I could give you reasons to keep you from giving up
God Process of Creation, Martyrdom, and Matriarchy
Russell
created Young R.U.S.S.
to experience WayOfLife
God
created human beings
to experience God’s self
because
God is God
and God
made Man and Woman
therefore
we are gods
created by the God
in the form of Man and Woman
if
we are a form and expression
in and of God
then gods, we are
so I say
it is still ‘your’ arm that is cut off
and it is still
‘your’ art which your arm creates
what is separate or outside oneself
is still part of the self
just in a different form or expression
hence
undifferentiated self
creating differentiated forms of self
to experience self-
and self’s many forms and expressions
this is what God has done
and of God, this is what we do
as gods encased in flesh
sages adepts mystics masters and “saints”
have all said the same thing
“…ye are gods…”
this is too scary and responsible a title for us to just walk into
so we create walls of denials
that alleviate the symptoms from the grand meanings of our truth
this dispels of the ultimate reality of failure
and how we go about the being of self
in regards to truth, purpose, and being of and as God
as gods, in God’s lower form
with the divine ability to assimilate apotheosis
a higher form of consciousness and state of being
but ahhah
in the third century, this talk became heresy
to the Orthodox and dogmatic patriarchal views, conquests, and crusades
for power control suppression and oppression
all to quell rebellions
and
empowered individuals and spiritually liberated beings
along with women going about the business of being of own mind body and ability
those responsibilities now relegated to men
to free your mind
is to release it of all limitations and spiritual inhibitions
projecting prophecy…
the next great leader doesn’t need to be nor have to always be a man
in this world, there is a woman in need
not just one that breeds
but a woman in deed,
who becomes a woman that leads
and I am a man
ready and willing to follow a woman’s lead
in a world that should be led back to the illuminated consciousness and prosperousness of matriarchy
when divine metaphysics
inoculated both the land and the soul
physical and spiritual realities joined and set free within us all
duality
this woman will not be nor is the, Queen of England
but the Queen of Inland-the land of wisdom, spring of truth, and well of divinity inside us all
and to her, I bow
because she dies
for us to live
and she is reborn
within us all
continually risking her very life
to give life
God is all
both Him
and Her
but to expand on ourselves
every example of sacrifice and salvation for Man
doesn’t need to be only in the form of a Man
Man didn’t come first
that is a myth planted by patriarchy
and believed true over time
Man and Woman were created in the same breath
at the same moment
from an Androgynous God
that understood the purpose and perfection of both
which had nothing to do with the place
of one over the other
but the sound oneness of both beings
occupying this world, coming together
as one
creation
Reflecting to my Son
reflecting on where has my life gone
remembering everything that I ever did wrong
sometimes I rather quit trying to be strong
because chances take time, and patience takes too long
but then I remember you
and how all my past choices have injured you
even now, if I ever gave up how it would still hinder you
and I can’t be another stick in your finger that splinters you
though you may not understand it yet but resilience will center you
and giving up on love will make you winter blue
I used to be fractioned, fractured, flipping out, living upside down like the reciprocal
so I understand the sounds when I say I’ve changed and grown-up now, and why you may still be cynical
and I wish I could say we are identical, but you way better than me
so I’m glad that God makes us all different, because there’s a lesson in who you are not, and who you are trying to be
I’m a father trying to be seen like his son, and in that is how I can truly be free
it kinda sounds biblical, because you are the example of being better, in life even the children can lead
and I was living a lie most my life, but the love of you has helped me to truly be me
we have to live in our truths no matter the pain it may cause, otherwise we can’t breathe
I can say I’m changing for you, but honestly I had to change for my self first
I had to look in the mirror, through the lies and pain, and makeover my self worth
I’m no longer thin-skinned, but I remember the first time I felt yours
I was a living hell, but you had that kind of glowing beauty that would make a farther fight his way back from hell for
and we all have our stories, regrets, and wish things can be perfect
but it all works out for a higher reason, you may call it God’s plan, because everything has a purpose
it may not happen when we desire, but patience is divine
so we have to be OK with not trying to control time
because needing to control things can keep you in the blind
and there will be bigger things right in front of you that you’ve lost, hoping you will find
everything works for a higher good, within God’s design
so the hardest thing is loving and forgiving yourself, because we can get trapped in our own minds
which is the reason it was hard for me to write you, because I have been trapped in mine
but the writings on the wall, so its time I read the signs
Believed in a Dream
I don’t know which came first
was it the dream or the belief, that one could fly
or
maybe it’s a tie
I’m
believing true miracles exist between the design of two sides
along with the reason of why, we decide, to combine
because
distance…
creates too much space between possibilities, and the spark of rekindled love may flicker when we divide
I
believe that
my dreams and beliefs could both collide
I
imagine them coming together to rival the sky
I
envision the sky coated in brilliant swaths of paints or pastels reimagining the description of you and I
I
envision you as majestic as an eagle with wings broader than sight that cover and detail the sky
and I’d
marvel at your magnificence
admittedly in a life that can harden hearts
it is the art of love, that carves the stars
and charms our scars and all the harm that swarms
yet keeps us warm, enough to open arms like unraveled yarn
knitting thick sweaters of promised pain in a life where pleasure comes and goes
but
clothing can always be changed
so son
even if you wear your heart on your sleeve, you can’t buy love
but
you’re always right by love because
love is always stored
and nothing bought that covers you can cover truth!
let your truth shine like the brightest light that you are
the
light that blots out the darkness
the light whose shadow is a cluster of shooting stars
son
even in the darkest storms, light was born
light is love, love is light and light was the genesis
whatever your passion, whatever your purpose, give all that you got, make every moment worth it, because you’re more than worthy, be diligent, even if you’re uncertain, and hurting, peel back those curtains and outshine all circuits
and let love take the initiative…
sometimes I tend to drift when I reminisce
forgive me for this,
but just thinking of your beauty always makes me sensitive
reflecting on all the light I’ve ever known that still hasn’t trumped your preeminence
nothing could ever block your significance
and as a man I’d
willingly cater to the submission of emotional sentiment
forming
rain clouds in the corners of my eyes
I’d
rain tears of joy, from a man witnessing the greatness of his boy
and
would soil a massive field of flowers blossoming from the sun of your presence, benevolence, perfection, and innocence
and when you perform
on the worlds fields, the world yields
when you spread your wings,
the world is adorned with your form
even as gravity may pull at you, trying to bring you back down to earth
as to make you like everyone else
son with grace and humility, just smile defiantly and clip on your Orion’s belt
because your background will boast a choir of angels singing their approval to a full audience eager to capture your awe and call themselves witnesses
all cheering you on, telling you in their own way that
you are a star, you are limitless, you are infinite
because
you are a star, you are limitless, you are infinite
Josiah
remember this
you are a star, you are limitless, you are infinite
and you were the belief that I dreamed
you are the dream that I believe
and there’s nothing you can not achieve
because your light, your Golden Glowing Rays, and Wings,
your love
and your Herculean heart will always keep you in First Place
Josiah Henry James Wardlow, my son, I love You, and Happy Golden and 12th Birthday