“Imagination is more important than knowledge”- Einstein
To have boundless imagination I believe you too must have boundless hope. See, I have a great imagination but limited hope. My mom, she has enough hope for all of us and considering her life, that’s a miracle…but I’ve been free and seen people so bogged down by stress, hurt, and responsibility that hope and imagination become viewed as distorted illusions to which no one has time for, I was one of those people. But here in prison, people speak through imagination 24/7 which is passively coated with feverish unrealistic, unrelenting hope. I hear every talk and conversation in descriptive detail of what, how, who and where without the when, and it’s mostly from lifers or people doing 50 plus years, but they don’t let that taper their destination, let them tell it, they will be wearing this, going there, doing that, having her, eating everything, spending it all! Every magazine, TV show, or gossip is a shot at fantasy land and it helps them survive, stay strong and push forward. No one can live for us, so we create our own reality, why speak like you’re already dead? Real life shouldn’t be different, allow yourself imagination and hope. Moral? There’s pro’s to a con, imprisonment brings out insight from inside living that inside strife. It’s never too late to believe, actions are manifested thoughts. Hope hard, imagine hard, then, do believe and become so much more..it can only get greater when you add another aspect of living to life. Others are able to be encouraged by that high spirited optimism, just as I have been. It’s contagious, personify that boundless belief system instead of carrying that unbearable weight of doubt around. You can know so much but become dull with information that is unusable without an imagination to insert it within your life. Dare to escape into your mind from your mess and become more than now, never content, never contempt.
Inside
New Journey
SuProsed2B-A-Con
Here we are, a new journey…I’m supposed to be excited, I am, but it’s a different feeling. After all, regardless how better, I’m still going to another prison, so many unknowns litter that road. You know your life sucks when your good news is the prison you left, only to head to another! FML! Will I meet like-minded dudes, see familiar faces, run into enemies, have a tolerable cellmate, or an older buff bald-headed institutionalized celly stuck in his own ways, prison cliché. (Yea, I got a buff bald headed one that looks like Clubber Lane/Mr. T, the odds? Either make him full or make him laugh, I choose the latter!) I’m the guest, that means top bunk, but comfortability and an understanding is a must as men; and these rooms are so small! My mom is across the street so seeing her may make the con’s, dissipate into pro’s, what can’t a mom make better? Oh! I forgot how green and lush trees and grass were, I’ve become accustomed to barren fields no trees and decrepit grass sprouting from the dirt like shy hair on a balding man’s scalp. Houses looked lonely without people, I forgot how life looked in person, I only had lasting movie images. The little things…dirt roads seemed more familiar and welcoming. Highways, businesses, and commuters all ignorant to the shackled man enroute to a new mansion! Lucky me! Ahhhh! This place has been nerve wracking, so much movement and space and people walking so fast coming up from behind not yielding any space, I’ve jumped clenching my fist ready to swing at least 4 times, and the people that have recognized me before I them…whew. I can’t go into too much detail, but not even absent years will resolve unanswered questions, so they became answered. This place is a mini safe haven for many who could not be on the yard I was just on, but still it’s prison, some have to save face and look tough, whatever you need to do to survive I guess, but me…I’m on a better path and beyond this, so once this cultural shock subsides and mini anxiety attack fades, I’ll be back to growing, empowering, and living My WayOfLife.
After midnight now, I’m watching the wind blow through this tree of my ground floor window view where earlier I watched a bird hop by…damn, how much I’ve missed. I can’t wait to experience my son at visit. Journeys.
SuProsed2B-A-Con: If you know someone in prison
If you have a loved one or know anyone in prison, the most important thing you need to know is that deep down they are hurting, lost, ashamed, and feeling guilty. It’s a full time job hiding it in a place where weakness is prayed on. Imagine what that constant lie can do to a beaten down psyche, we all aren’t as strong as we may seem behind bars, weights don’t strengthen what’s inside, this isn’t built for a human to fully function and exist. Day by day it wears on us, the disguise is work in itself. So I ask, if you love them, don’t lie to them, empower them but also let them know their wrongs and what they need to change, because he/she is the last one to get the hint of a change needed within. Lastly, be consistent, don’t come and go, it tears at us, once trust has vanished and loneliness becomes adaptation, we become more animal than people. We are lied to, tested, cheated, defeated, and discouraged everyday, so we need the exact opposite at times to mend the damage. Not many are brave enough to cry Help! So I’ll do it for them. Help them! Pattern is adapted once belief is cemented or hope is lost. There’s comfort in letdowns because they’re expected, surprises are unsettling, unsettle them! Wrong becomes a way because no other way is shown and invested in. Love takes energy and time, so does pain, but only one is worn on the sleeve detected, the other, detached. Change starts with self worth, our self worth is garnered by someone seeing more than we do in ourselves. Don’t leave them, because their hope follows in your wake.
He or she may not know how to ask
he or she may be more ashamed of their past
he or she has to transform to survive
but after all that transformation, how much of the real them is still alive
we don’t always know what’s best for us
but a life is changed when real love invests in us
so don’t forget them, because it’s what they expect
the contrasts in life are the real reality checks
this is what it looks like, being broken, still trying to show that you’re strong
this is where you end up, after never correcting your wrongs
this is what it feels like, when an hour in a day is too damn long
this is loneliness, when most of the day is spent hugging the phone or humming a song
SuProsed2B-A-Con: You Will Remember Me!
SuProsed2B-A-Con
When I was young my uncle told me I will write a book one day, that I have a story to tell. Just the other day, I received a written comment on a speech I gave that said “you will be paid to speak on stage one day”. I knew my life was tough, but I couldn’t see the story, I didn’t dig crying about my life nor telling my business. Now I see that it’s about empowering others whom may see themselves in our stories. I’ve even found healing in it. So I guess he was prophetic in a sense, but I needed this captivity, I say that a lot, but I’ve been able to observe the necessity of my downfalls and shortcomings. The accomplishments and the work put in by some of the greatest athletes, entertainers and other historic personalities all have had storied times of struggle that they overcame. I know what I want and what it will take to get there. My mistakes are my masterpieces yet to be finalized and framed. My potential and promise seem like they’ve been divinely interwoven and set about ripple effects that formed a tidal wave of strength, perseverance, and interpersonal insight. I was recently told to not let the words felon, convict or any other negativity define who I am or what I can be. My struggles have bloomed experience and wisdom which enables me to be/do better. I’ve also became more cultured. I see my story and pursuit as a platform, and being short I can admit one thing, I crave anything that’ll make me taller, because once you see me, you will remember me!
I fought exhaustion for awhile going through trials, expended energy
was morally indigent, feigned innocence, the emblem above my engine symboled ‘limitless’ so never let your memory dismember me
my path is kinetic, prophetic, eclectic, a legend embedded
feasted on my past, don’t forget it, learned from it, I don’t regret it
I’ll do more with less where I’m headed, I’ve said it, you Will remember me!
STBAC: Perception, Perseverance, Pursuit, Perfection, and Per diem
SuProsed To Be A Con:
Perception, Perseverance, Pursuit, Perfection, and Per diem
-They say a cat has 9 lives, to me that’s an axiom for perseverance, stand lively after each fall. What purrs perimeters your life? What do you keep working towards, fighting for? What is the root of your pursuit? How do you view tomorrow and what value do you put in the moments you have until you get there? What is your definition of perfect? What impact do you want to leave behind? Are you on the right road to get to where you ultimately want to be? What is your value on time, and how well do you juggle it throughout the week, or do you believe you have enough time to relax? Presently I’m in a 10×10 cell on a top bunk during a 10:30am lockdown for count, prison, but I made my own prison way before this structure. Yet, I honestly needed to be here to get where I have to go. I lived by the day (per diem), chasing (pursuit) what I believed (perception) to be ideal (perfection) opportunities worth my fight (perseverance). Perception is reality, but we have to do moment-to-moment perception checks in order to see how we view each circumstance and situation, to be sure that they are in tune with our goals. I just lived by the day, uncaring of the next moment, as long as I got pleasure out of it in some way, but it coated an underlying anger and emptiness within me. My perception gps’d my destination..14-20years behind bars, an absent father of two sons and big brother of 3 siblings. Every action and consequence we believe we can handle is still flawed, because the variable missing are those whom are also affected by our decisions. My lifestyle and choices had countless victims. But my 24/7 became a revolving reality check, I had to change my perception. Realizing I need to live and think beyond per diem, I need to pursue depth, not flawed ideas of perfection, because nothing great comes without scars. We all have a story, and obtaining anything worth your energy needs a ‘knowing perseverance’. That is, to understand those things and people you give and take time from in order to make the most of your own promise and promise to self. In doing so, you will do more for those in wake of your sacrifices. The example in how you live, leaves deeper impressions than materials and physical-ness. Empower by taking power. Lead by accepting the rough terrain travelled while following. And bask in every set back, because in that mud lies an opportunity ready to bloom specifically for you, it could be that tears are the very spring producing its growth. Potential, is the mastering of gifts, talents and opportunities. Purpose isn’t displayed in a map, it is the map, where dirt roads are traversed, not avoided. Coordinate your purrs, because you have enough life, even when you feel deprived, desolate, daunted and destroyed, to get back up and persevere, pursue beyond per diem, sharpen your perception and be ok not being perfect. Place value on your life, live up to your own expectations, not the world’s, flawed loves or loved ones. Because often others will try to live through you, but you only have your own 9lives to live, no one else’s. It took prison for me to be woke, what is or was your wakeup call? Don’t forget it! Let it fuel you! Don’t wait for a big mistake, value each lively stand after each fall, because winter will arrive soon after. Don’t use house money, time is limited, see the warning signs. You will see what you choose to, don’t forget your past, but forgive it, by understanding your path. Reality is a matter of perception, open your mind, heart and eyes. Perception, falls are as we perceive them, 9lives are really just one, because a cat always lands on it’s feet, so for you, it may simply just be a matter of looking down to see that you are still standing soundly on your feet, and never really fell -WayOfLife-
Stories of a fall
Only written
Once risen
Back to tremendous heights
or plummets from endless skies
Once dreams scrape the sky
Gravity becomes state of mind
Depth, scribed as a matter of perception
Breath, alive battling through the scar of lessons
Winter shows, no fall is too great to overcome
Because “9lives is really just” the strength in “One”
Stories of a fall…
Colors
Lions, Tigers, Bears and I
they say don’t stare right into it
its essence may damage your senses
disorient and possibly blind you.
That intense hot burning
beautiful bright yellow orangish fluorescent
bear mace! F#@%!
I guess pepper spray wasn’t colorful enough
prison, colors rule
colors hurt
colors kill