I’m not everything you want me to be but this is my life
this is not syfy
by rights, this is my fight
I live on with connections coming and going like WiFi
my worst moment is a highlight
I try to dream under a night sky, I haven’t walked under for the last 6years of my life
I started writing because it helped me better reflect on hindsight
while realizing the fake love riding up on my blind side
the connotations and perceptions I fight
yet it gave me a platform and showed me fighting depression has an upside
now my down, was found upside
down, where you found me
out, where so many, even those too close, were counting
when the presence of loneliness kept surrounding
me, and I can’t swim but my words being heard kept me from drowning
deep..eh mhm!
so you can see with the eyes I see
can I speak free?
Enter into my dystopia
society-oppress
memories-repressed
emotions-depressed
head strong sleepy hollowness hanging hovering my chest
I’m a reject
I’m what they detest
I’m what they eject
they prefer I digress
and then regress
they chauffeur my worst, not innocent until proven guilty because the police cruiser my “guilt trip”, no need to detect
I’m no Ryan Seacrest
I cry in secret
I’m seen as a defect
I’m detached, and opportunity is honey, which comes with a catch-grab it from a killer bee’s nest
let me reset
OK, I admit
I wish all my bad I could remit
I submit
I repent
this is where I was sent
but not where I was meant
or was it?
redemption
it seems I’m exempt from contention
never mention content
dissention-contempt
intentions present
a new path I invent
now make way for my vision
listen..
I can change
I can chase
I can be chained
until my skin is chapped
there is no escape
mirror mirror shows My face
so if you get caught up in offering your overly destructive opinion, don’t stop there, offer to switch and take My place
Inside
High Horse
You put me down
looked down upon me
saying, my place was down
well I killed your horse
and kicked it!
Here-US
Nebraska doesn’t hear us
or they just don’t care
and no one outside of Nebraska,
gives a damn about Nebraska!
when our community gave testimonies at a town hall
in front of the states legislators
about police brutality
and the overpopulation of our prisons
as an answer to the city state and nationwide protests
the governor, Pete Ricketts
answered them by
proposing more maximum beds to be created inside the prison
which doesn’t push people out
but keep them inside of prison
since no minimum beds are being created
even though we are in a emergency capacity
and the mayor, Jean Stothert
she increased the police budget
AND
gave us an INDIGENOUS DAY!
you gotta be kiddin me!
Everyday C.O.
C.O.’s are average any day people. When handling prisoners, I would think there should a deep screening and training process, maybe even a cultural education and implicit bias testing, since there will be many different people from different walks of life.
Objectivity and professionalism shouldn’t be an understatement in prison. Human error and prejudices can’t be overcome without proper education, identifying, and training, especially if their job is to make criminals better people and the community more safe. They have a duty to not allow their personal issues to derail the rehabilitation of an inmate. You wouldn’t hire a McDonalds cook as a chef at a 5 star restaurant. At schools, all employees are there for child’s betterment and protection. So in a prison, it should be the same.
C.O.’s have a responsibility to aid inmates in healthy relationships with authority figures
But it’s a contentious relationship. There’s still a disconnect and distrust because of the oppressive power dynamic C.O’s are charged with: safety and security of facility. Some have different ideas, tactics and beliefs on how to carry that out and once they experience power, it has a way of swaying a person’s resolve or intentions, working their own unchecked agendas biases and personal problems. Their reason for employment should be centered on making a difference not just on being employed, because the interaction and relationship with the occupants of their employment is vital to both society and the inmates.
But their reasons for employment don’t always have good intentions. Absolute power corrupts absolutely. All teachers can’t be professors. All porn stars can’t be models…or vice versa. All employees can’t be C.E.O’s. All cooks can’t be chefs. All drivers can’t be chauffeurs. All politicians can’t be president.
And just anybody shouldn’t be able to be a correctional officer. But yaw already knew that. Rehabilitation is misleading. You need professionals for that, not high school diplomas.
Blasé
Sky is blue
everything black and white
I am grey…or gray
Paint Poems
I paint moments and put them in poetry
cuz if I rapped it most would attack it and see me as a mass of blacks packed in the back of the lower class seeking fast cash braggin about designer fashion bags veiling interior baggage, your interest had me catfished! cuz I’m not the preferred status or catholic with chapstick ready to latch my lips to your ass-kissed, like toiletries..
so I paint moments in poetry
hoping you will focus and notice me
My poetry, depending on how its said can sound like rap, but rap, depending on how its said can sound like poetry. And so can country rock r and b folk and indie and any other song writing…its about expression, but what carries it is the personal views and perceptions of those that read it. Some prefer me in a box and grateful, while others encourage me seeing how I am like so many more and my voice along with others can help bring a new wave and generation of society socially…Love is lost because hate is so easy. You don’t find love in the dictionary, you only get its name there.
The things we try to over explain with the absence of experience, how can you explain prison if you’ve never lived it or if you don’t realize this prison of self? We dilute effect and understanding without empathy and experience. Its not lost on me that I am a black felon, and how that’s not a surprising sentence, title, or identity. What also isn’t lost on me is that in have the tools to change these perception because I am educated, perceptive, and talented enough to help change the narratives, openly wearing my flaws and heart in plain sight to encourage many more.