Prose of a Con

Poetry and Prose by Russell Wardlow

Inside

Pressure

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Ran from too many lectures and pressures, back pressed to the fire exit doors

Jump through so many hoops just to stay level and settle scores

while you act as if you walk across rose pedaled floors

I see your gestures-

Sequestered by your suggestions and measured questions you press me for

then stoking my ego as if you know what I’m destined for

though you treat me with the same love I got arrested for

you rob me of it-

yea yea I’m special

I’m ghetto

a rebel

I revel at revolting

but that’s only before the ship tips over

I got this chip on my shoulder

it’s hard to keep from getting colder

besides what’s a heart on a sleeve when I’m frozen?

I know the gift I behold only emboldens

if struggle is the route for exposure, then I’m the chosen

so if you live in a glass house, better stick to skipping pebbles in the ocean

but you are what you throw, and rocks are corrosive

I’m sending my notice

I’m coming world, in case you don’t know it

my belief system is growing

my passion symptoms has me glowing

my peers say that I’m showing

fears dissipating each moment

the portrait I portray doesn’t betray me no longer

I’m only getting stronger

the longer I’m holding on

better sound the alarm

unless you’re counting on karma

but I’m shrouded in armor

that won’t allow you to harm me

or down me like insoluble salts

I’ve drowned out your intolerable taunts

me and the mirror have held countless invaluable talks

I know where I’m headed

I know where my head is

I know my direction

a piece of coal doesn’t die stressing

it sheds into a diamond, and a diamonds defies, it doesn’t digress

so walking within this mine has been my test

as long as I could come out on the other side, where I can shine best

only thing left, is the pressure of your judgmental foot on my neck!

You Don’t Know How I Feel

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You don’t know how I feeel

…inside

you don’t know how I feel

…inside

you don’t know how I feeeel

…inside

you don’t know what I see

inside my eyes

quit saying

dry. my. eyes.

quit saying

men. don’t. cry.

quit saying, quit saying

all. your. lies.

quick sand is

where. I. lie.

cuz you don’t know how I feel

…in-side

you don’t know how I feel

…in-side

you don’t know what I conceal

insideee. my. mind.

quit saying

clear. my. mind.

quit saying

fears. a. lie.

quit saying

ne-ver. mind.

quit saying quit saying

it’s. all. right.

quick sand is

where. I’ll. die.

cuz you don’t knoww

how I..feel

…in-side

you don’t know how I feel

when. there’s. no. light.

fuck. my. Life

E=MC^2

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Life is your economy

fueled by energy, empathy and economics

on this journey

the car is your economics

the passenger is your energy

the road is your empathy

if E=MC^2

then Energy, equals Mastered Condition and Consciousness

meaning that our energy,

is a product of our conditions and consciousness

energy- meaning our life

conditions- meaning environment and influences

consciousness- meaning our knowledge wisdom and understanding

so where we are placed,

and what is imposed upon us,

mixed with what we are and aren’t aware of,

create our dispositions, our mind state

because…

we are both the sum of our experience

and the manifestation of our thoughts

but like an old proverb, once you know, you can’t unknow

so once we realize and act behind the knowledge of-

our thoughts creatingh and driving our experience-

then we won’t just be a conditioned herd

there’s an African proverb which says,

“they don’t know, what they don’t know,

because they don’t know, that they don’t know it”

but once awakened, learned and liberated from unknowingness

then we can become empowered thinkers

capable of manifesting our own desired realities

and transcending our conditions

because of our enlightened and in-tuned consciousness

if we have a stronger connection to our metaphysical constructs

not being so attached to the physical

then we can will transmute our spirit’s knowledge,

to tangible life changes

which offer

prosperity

health

peace

harmony

and loving relationships in abundance

and we can begin to create for ourselves,

instead of solely accepting what has been created for us

being nothing more than consumers

only influenced, and rarely influential

because

“if all we desire is the inanimate objects,

then like them, we shall also decay”

our creativeness lacks in a reality where all there to be gained

is viewed as limited

and savagely competed over

therefore our beliefs will stretch no further

than our own understandings of abundance and limitlessness

“we foolishly believe our OWN limitations are the proper measurement for limitation”

but I say,

“we foolishly believe ourselves limited and not limitless”

no matter our experiences

we can be the most important imprint upon our own lives

transcending our conditioning,

by transforming our consciousness

getting away from thoughts anchored in

want

poverty

misery

failure

and defeat

instead of measuring ourselves up against others

we measure ourselves with others

not having to rely so heavily on influencers

but seeing ourselves as both art and artists

because like a quote from me says

“art thou both art and artist?”

see the creator and experiencer in yourself

contrar to popular belief, we have enough room for free thinkers

in that of being a free thinker,

you will begin to see your part of the whole

and the oneness of all

because E=MC^2

and if energy can’t be created nor destroyed

then all there is boundless energy around us that we all share

constantly giving and receiving

so who made up the word limit anyway

Societal Farmers

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Take a look at who you process

those innocent kids thrusted into

statistics

poverty

and trauma

then grew up

after coping with minimal help and understanding

but you did understand us!

At least enough to categorize us into statistics

before we had any choice in the matter

and yet you still sent us away

with extreme prejudice, without prejudice

throwing away the key

even though you knew where I’d be headed

you sounded no alarm

you shepherded me towards harm

I see, I was born to a farm

statistics was just me being forewarned

Chained Change

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Prison is a unique walk

that is,

if you’re looking to grow and mature

because making it through should be an accolade of itself

it is the physical boundaries of self determination

and self actualization

versus

self sabotage

and self annihilation

and the walk of growth and maturity in prison

almost never happens in the beginning

you have to go through that obligation to darkness

to achieve that opportunity for change

its actually surreal

when the world sees change as a demand

which it constantly stifles

yet sentences you to its quarters

as if it is a cleansing process

all go through and inherit without strife or struggle

but in prison,

change is a reward of long, hard fought battles

that end in many personal deaths

manifesting itself for you in the illusively ending war

as a right,

and if you take it’s hand,

it becomes a matter of how much of you is there left

to even bother taking it up on it’s offer,

unknowning what you have to offer

or even how and where to start

after seeing the truth of humanity

all concentrated in one area

the cost of change comes with

disorientation

survivors guilt

and PTSD in here,

what does yours come with?