Prose of a Con

Poetry and Prose by Russell Wardlow

Russell Wardlow

Toilet Frame of Mind

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you know when
someone don’t believe in you
not because of ‘you’ particularly
it’s just that they don’t believe in their self
and you can see it too

because the way they go about believing in you
most promises they are unable to see it thru
that’s called seasonal
I usually add that on top of my evening food!

you know those types that
only create flavors by adding to what’s already there,
taking the easy route?
I’m hard to consume, my very being isn’t easy food
I’m one hell of a surprise to those that barely chew and see their food

you know those that are like,
“not now, I will later!”
umm, but how long will you embrace the-
“taking it easy” mood?
preferring the beach, inflating the scenic route
wanting a breeze or two
sometimes when life hit you, you gotta go with it
even if the situation is readable
and inconceivable
create a new feasible
then momentum is achievable
by letting the moment just be, believable

now watch in awe as the bullshit-filled excuses start leaving you!

example sample!

listen!

my best ideas come on the toilet and I’m going thru complications
because when creativity hits me, I give it so much concentration
that I leave the toilet with constipation
when I envision a star, I graph an entire constellation
and by time I’m done,
I’ve just orchestrated a beautiful compilation
but to see it through
I gave my bowels circumstantial condemnation!

this way I can make something that I call the shit!
haha, get it?!

you see?
to unlock greatness
sacrifice is the combination
for any successful operation
because true accomplishment is an occupation
birthed by mastering moderation
hesitation will only work to have your progress revolving through oscillations

but what would I know?
I’m just on the toilet reflecting on my observations
contradicting a process that’s needing me to let go of abdominal abominations
pausing on my poetically processed proclamations
because when it comes to time spent…
I’ve lost every hint of an approximation

but ayye,
you can’t fully contain nor measure the products of greatness
that transcend denominations
au revior! sending you this toilet stalled salutation :0

I See People

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I’ve seen people,
come to prison with violent crimes and leave with addictions
I’ve seen people,
come to prison from drug addictions and leave with addictions to prescription
I’ve seen people, come to prison and die before the end of their sentence
I’ve seen people
who have been condemned to die in prison!

“they win, when they make you feel that you are alone”
that’s a line from Star Wars
I’d wonder if my family ever seen it
because then maybe they’d get it
but no point in wondering,
because I know they didn’t

I’ve seen correctional officers correct correctional officers
then subject correctional convicts to objectional vengeance
and then head the news with new charges from their real-life decisions
because their morality at their job was just payment for pretending
now they are in protected cordoned-off areas beginning…
in a place they thought would be my ending
and their fate…pending

I’ve seen predators come to prison and be model citizens
until they get beyond the fences and remodel their modeled innocence
replaying traumatic images
inflicted within this “beneficient” system that became their menacing nemesis
running from the implications of the emotionally charged title convicting them
hiding within work effort and religious involvement in front of prisoners as if they are convincing them

but freedom for them is just as hard as the man for decades still claiming his innocence
a being still being crippled by the remnants of dreaded reminiscing-

of lions roarings and snakes hissing
and spiders crawling, and birds flaunting
as thoughts wander, and sleep jaunting
and nightmares normal, and dreams haunting
and bodies haunched, as chairs launching!
and doors slamming, and keys taunting!
and mail re-routed and dial tones calling!
as knives joust, with anger mounting!
with day rooms crowding, and nerves crawling!
and fights brawling, then thin skin jaundiced!
and fear crouching, and blood sprawling!
and walls burning, and roofs falling!
and lost darlings, but pride dauntless!
while coffin cautious…
as coughs and yawns are crossed with
being the sick and tired crossfit raucous masses mashed into compartments
with bared closets and squandered losses
as the night fawns over the sun’s dawning
and through it all
since I’ve been through it all
now involvement being a fly on the wall
I’m scrawling through all this!
absorbing all this!
toxic
nauseous
gastric
bypasses
matched with
fractured
factions
fractioned
til fragile,
then ashes!
we all
fall
down…

God to God

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I’m going to do you a favor
and treat you like a god
not just any god, for God’s sake!
but the god you are!

I’m even going to do you a greater favor
and not acquiesce to your ill-conceived sensibilities

now the irony of this all is
that I am not empowering you
although at the same time, I am
I am encouraging you to be empowered
by your in-power
and for some reason,
you will not like it
you may even grow to hate me for it
all because I’m choosing to tell you truth

your unconditioned truth
and seeing you for nothing less
than your truth
therefore there is no room for excuses
this isn’t empowerment because
this is already who you are!
but it is empowering because
you have been made to forget this

as you grew, you could’ve believed this easily
but as you “matured”
life’s superimpositions jaded your self-perception
now seeing this language as-
self-promoting, arrogant, delusional, deifying, egotistical, irrational, blasphemy, and sacrilegious
so it’s safe to say,
the more you grew
the less you knew
with the more in view
you saw less in you

a lost childhood imagination
stole your true self’s gratification
and I know you have the ability
to transcend all of your emotional hangups
peace is your natural state
although less accountability is easier
so I will not pacify them
I will not tiptoe or walk on eggshells when we speak

in fact, this is me showing
understanding compassion and empathy
for who you truly are
though you may believe it insensitive at the time
I am aware enough to know
it’s not what you say
but how you say it, God

I will tell you the truth
and speak to your truth
compassionately, empathetically
and with emphatic understanding!
I will not oblige you by speaking down to your comfort
that is not you,
it is but an urge for relief from tension
a cycle of pleasure, pain
instead of pleasure, peace
the ‘tension’ is unmastered emotions
from a lacking of understanding of who you are

and of how great, grand, and gracious the god-gifted power you wield
but this lack of understanding
has your emotions leading the way
and they are only identifiers
like polarities on a compass’ magnets
showing you the what
and the why
with the, where

truly,
I don’t think there is any greater compliment
or action I can give you than this
and I’ll accept it if you hate me for it
but when you get back down to earth
speaking with everyone else
you may miss that feeling
you know, of being treated like a god!

we all naturally have an inclination
pulling us towards truth
and one another
reflecting our oneness
and all I am, is a reminder
there are many of Me’s all around You
so you’ll come back
to one of those Me’s
until you see You
and are fully ready to embrace that
joining the chorus of Us
trying to remind everybody who They are

and you’ll learn to embrace the hate
because, they’ll hate you for it
they only know what they know
all are teachable
it’s just fear
from misunderstood love
they’ll get over it
you did!
or they won’t
but it won’t change your truth
nor theirs
all that is asked is
when you are ready
spread the message
because there’s a bunch more of You’s
that need to join all of Us
once they finally see
there’s no difference between You and Me

now create!
call it thoughts
feelings
call it force, or e-motions
call it words
or whatever you choose to call it
it’s your free will just manipulating the formless energy into form
making matter
because making things matter!
and we call that purpose

there you have it, God!
the one, of many
from thee One, Us many!

Fought the Love I Fell

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I’ve fought the love I fell
and fell into the spell of fighting
smoke screen-I’m hiding
in this shell
I dwell
bidding farewells
to the carousel of fairytales
which seem unfairly hailed!

because,
frankly, I’m scared as hell!
failure is fair and well
being saved it’s the bell
fore if the poster of success gets nailed
I’d cry for help!

you don’t know this pain I feel
feeel
old scars still raise, abrade and welt
“just a phase,” I’ve phrased
unphased by the fading yells
of runaway loves that saved themselves
for their own sakes
leaving me in wake
to shake, afraid and naked
with shame from snakey trails
facing brail
where poignant fates have dwelled
and faces swelled
as baited base feelings framed from basements wailed
hoping angst was quelled
and change would unchain my tales

but pain is my biggest mistake!
and I still can’t refrain myself
from fighting the falling feeling of love I’ve fell

Dreams that Kill

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if I had dreams
my dreams would kill
my mind transformed into a gun
my body/spirit the clip and bullets
and every shot is my
consciousness/will
I’m confident my unconsciousness wields
Energy to activate
the Matter into form
so I’ll have infinite potential to achieve
proof in what I create and build
eyes unveiled
mind unsealed
spirit unconcealed
praise be to Amen Ra-
the God in my is my Will
my divinity is
my shield
my inner peace speaks
to havoc-shh, be still
and know that I Am God,
differentiated in my black appeal
but History shows
Truth Kills

Kill you with Truth

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wish I could Kill you with Truth
so you would die to the Lies
then resurrect full of promise
promising to never hide
and when you look to the sky
you’ll see a mirror and mind
not just an all-seeing eye
because that eye is inside
and you will finally realize
that the Truth which you’ll find
was truly never outside
now when you go step outside
you’ll see a whole other side
because that’s what happens…
when you die