power…
what is too much power
when challenging establishments and norms
when uprooting inequalities and integrating balance
what or when is it too much power
what is the balance too which when one side feels to impeded and imposed upon
what is the shade to with which feels too dark for those closer to the light, and too light for those used to the grasps of darkness
I ask you
what is too much
and what is not enough
is there or will there ever be a zero balance
a place of equilibrium where we all can coexist on equal footing
a line of humanity that doesn’t bend or break to animality
what is too much power
when you have a voice and a mind of your own,
objective enough to know how to recognize a problem and find equatable solutions without bias, all the while subjective enough to conjure its own emotional vulnerability that connects to the emotions of others orchestrating the notes of change
and at what cost for power
what is the consequence of position
is there a fair sacrifice for the power inherited that may make others more uncomfortable in order to make more of the “others” comfortable
well give me that position!
I want power!
that power that can be the bold unwavering compassionate loving and courageous face of change
I’m willing to lay my life down for it, creating generations of prosperity harmony and liberation, all through love
I don’t want to be that person that’s nods their heads and cringes internally, being too uncomfortable to challenge errors biases and oppression because I fear loss
for what is loss to an eternal spirit and soul
this body and its worldly possessions are all temporary
and the things that may bring me to have fear are also all temporary
but that which I love can be forever just as I and we all are at our core
so why lose sight of our eternal natures for our temporary motivations and pleasures
give me power and I will empower
give me power and I will enlighten
give me power and I will ensure energy
the energy that fights and doesnt settle, nor succumbs for possessions or at positions of squander and its rations of prosperity and loss
give me power and I will embolden the silenced
give me power and I will enchant the hopeless
give me power and I wll enable a culture of empathy
and we will move forward to a more peaceful and prosperous paradigm of oneness
give me power because the only thing I fear is accepting the role of being powerless and living helplessly within the same status quo
power won’t change my mind,
my mind has already been changed and evolved from the belief of having a lack of power,
to the finding and now knowing and understanding of the fact that I always had it and didn’t need anyone to grant me it
give me the power because it will change their minds…it will change your mind
and if you can take that change or not will be the decider of how much power, is too much power
but my answer is that, if that power is rooted in love, than only fear would ever seek to limit power, because the power of love and not the love of power, will never be too much power
I am powerful
Spirit
Why Thou Art?
Our society is so hyper vigilant and all about instant gratification, the need of immediate results and tangibility so art can seem useless. What can you do but marvel at it. But art as it is, is quite powerful, it incites creation, healing, wonder and more. It makes the deepest accesses of the mind known then manifest. It helps purge, being a supreme act of expression and therefore ventilation for the repressed minds we often inhabit. It is a sense of self, largely lost in our world with so much conformity and tribalism
Oscar Wilde’s, “Dorian Grey” preface of the book spoke of Art’s uselessness and an artist liking too much what he made as if self deprecation is the only rational response to your own creation.
Why is it taboo to give yourself superlatives that suggest greatness, patting your own back, why most others validate us before we ourselves?
We’ll spend lifetimes seeking others acceptance because we aren’t taught to stoke our own egos, as if humility is only in self deprecation
This hits home because Art empowers, it empowered me! Of course I didn’t even know this til recently, spending so much time downplaying what art means to me, softly acknowledging what I’ve been able to do and who I’ve been able to become because of it. Though I can’t dare call myself powerful or great or say that I am a good or great writer because how would that look to others, I myself even cringe at times at the implication imposed upon me or declared by myself. I mean beauty is in the eye of the beholder and all that jazz, but different strokes and to each their own, because everyone won’t feel my art. It doesn’t dismiss its greatness, even if self proclaimed, it wasn’t created for approval, but as an expression of me. Why would I assume my art can achieve what I haven’t, acceptance? A structural writer wouldn’t marvel at my writing because its everywhere-no form, decorated in loose free flowing flaws. My writing is all over the place, but so is life, so am I. It expresses me, not structure because I am not formality nor structure. I am random and rambunctious. We love to give the appearance of being neat clean put together and highly functioning, but that’s not our truth, it’s pretend at best, a public mask, it reminds me of how much work and pain women endured just to wear a tightly tied corset back in the day. My life isn’t tied tight, holding it breath as to not be seen as something less, not even close. My writing depicts my internal conflicts and attempts at resolution, which gives me a messy sort of harmony, warring for balance while several different themes of complimentary forces, which I once viewed as opposing, fighting each other for dominion. As they wrestle at impasse, I find myself even keel in the midst of chaos one step too far to the left, or conformed organization too far to the right, so I walk boldly between in the grey where I believe truth self and real life not only exists but thrives! Because art isn’t useless, it uses life, it demands attention, for you to stop, reflect, express, then re-imagine beyond the borders of that which you’ve just witnessed
Our Nature
I cared for the ground she walked on
I cared for the water he drank from
I cared for the trees the little ones climbed
and I cared for the air that we all breathe
it’s all connected
we’re all connected
though fear may keep us separated
our nature,
our true nature
is within nature
not without
and love,
keeps us all connected as one
because there can’t be one,
without the other
to destroy nature
is to destroy our own nature
therefore destroying ourselves
Hmmm
I’m passionate I guess
I’m just an emotional wreck
my drive is crazy, my life I’ve been crash dummy
I ram into the fork prongs in every road, because split decisions appear too fast for me
my rearview is too near, I soon veer, then cruise by, embracing the scenery as souvenirs
I hoard the past, it controls my future but why can’t sooner be near
it’ll all get greater Russ, the sooner you’re here
yea yea I know, same quote rolling around at the end of every GoodYear
but I’m Tokyo drifting, I’m never present
I flee the moment, the bottom of my cup glitters resin
I try to cope, insoluble solutions attempt to blend but they end up drowning
don’t mean to be a downer
but I understand it better, what else is gravity for
I agitate gravel kickin rocks as my shoes drag with the floor
I binge on coffee, in need of stimulants
I don’t need your sentiments
I just want to be as free as I can be like speech and limitless
but my guilty pleas, bleed my innocents
the bandage don’t fit
the bandage can’t stick
and I’m just like it-I too am stuck in a bad place
pretend to be doing better than I am, like a famous catchphrase
(if u knew better, you’d do better)
pain is weakness leaving my body, but like the lucky number 7, just let me be weak
I could do without feigned excitement, doing time doesn’t call for it, just let me be bleak
this is my moment of pity
though I never do take it
I stand on this hill
and I yell I’m alive
just to see if u hear me
then maybe you’ll see me
get close and you’ll feel me
and maybe believe
that this life that I’m living just isn’t so easy!
I want to celebrate!
I want to be in a group of mutual love,
with family and friends that love me and wanna see me elevate
I wanna look in a mirror that isn’t in a prison
just to see if the reflection of me would be different
I wanna look out and beyond into a window that isn’t a prism
just to imagine if I could absorb the new perceived distance
forget my mugshot profile, I want to be remembered smiling
I want to be seen for my talents
and how I met every challenge
and how I swallowed every last drop of pride, because there was gallons
hydrated everyday as I faced my greatest competitor showcased in the mirror
bouquets and standing o-vays as I stand strong on two feet with two arms and both raised because I am fearless
I am culturally soulful, and the manifestation of spirit
buts its my flesh that gets trapped then continually judged as if I’m forever stuck in a mirror..to be continued
Out and In
If I’m looking outward than I won’t see inward
I can not look inward
the skin of a sinner
never say never, I’m more than the N word
I’m more than my torment
more than these torrential forces I forklift
I cant forfeit
I forget, my fort is, my forehead-my pride and feeling important
those feelings imported
are filled with assorted
concealments I’m on the floor with
praying, do u hear me calling?
outward I’m too tough, I fall on my gender
internally at war and I’m injured
my core is dismembered
I cant silence that inner-
me!
boxed in, I enter Pandora-
weak!
I endure this binge and bender
of mixtures
and vendors
of liquor
that enter
my memor-
ry
til I hemhor-rage,
I’m a cinder
brick,
at the bottom of river!
goodbye afflictions- au revoir!
I have no reserve in this reservoir
I do not feel regular
still, pain doesn’t register
and there’s not enough change in the register
so my change doesn’t register
I’m vane but a heckler
my shame is the messenger
my name is a question mark
my aim is left in the dark
I stray, I’m afraid of loss
everyday, comes with a cost
I walk the thin line of praying to the cross
and praying that I’m not crossed
I’m numb, help me feel!
I’ve always felt less safe, and less sacred
and more hatred and more hated
now I reside where they hate us
and cut off relations
because of our mistakes
but we’ve all been mis-taken
even temptation has stipulations
Lord!
I’m drowning give me breath
my talent gives me many, but the talons of true freedom sinks down within me
flesh!
I cant change how they see me, am I not more than my surface
or do I not want more than the service of that surface
time is circular, what’s goes around-I deserve this
but I still got reserve, I’ve preserved it
..reaped fruits-
spreading my fingers
contracting my knuckles
preparing to crawl
digging thru the dirt
earth stuck in my nails
perspiring
I’ma mess
but I pulled thru!
but this life is hard and at times I still look past you
they don’t know my journey
I didn’t need a gurney
every step I earned it
pro se in my struggles, I didn’t have attorneys
kept faith in the lowest moments, I didn’t have a clergy
at times I felt more blessed than being allergic
I stayed thirsty
separated myself from being in the herd and in a hurry
even while in this fight everyday waking up, looking unphased and still struggling to feel worthy!
because of your glory
I beat the statistics and became every month outside of February-I made it to 30
I couldn’t see past myself in the mirror, but now I recognize you
so when I look out, I’m no longer afraid to look within and see with your eyes too
I’m no longer the type that would hide my truth
I didn’t believe the hype of living right but the scriptures they recite has more wisdom in each bite then inside my tooth
Corinthians said I can’t be disguised by youth
because I just became a man, and if they ask how… I’ll just point to the sky as my truth
Motivational Speaker
What am I even doing here…like at this very moment? So I said I want to connect and inspire…hmm
What kind of a mind man or maniac can believe that they really have answers for people, that they can really help and make a difference?
I mean it has to be some kind of point of vanity, insanity, ego and pride, over self indulgence, over compensation, power hunger, or deflection of the up most form…I mean most of us don’t even know ourselves, nor can we say that we are confident and sure footed in all circumstances
And really, we all have different personalities and experiences and therefore we aren’t all acclimated to the same conditions, cultures, and language barriers
There is no one size fit all…so I guess what my lame attempt is that, maybe, just maybe I can help one person figure some semblance of something out by just speaking my truth, after all, we are all one…maybe there can be a connection to my story, thoughts, and experiences that someone somewhere can reflect on after seeing themselves or someone else they know that fits those same shoes..
Isn’t that what music and other art forms do?
Bring us together in our wholesome creative forms of expression that speak to the rawest parts of ourselves…maybe if we just started trying to just speak plainly about who we are, after awhile, we’ll start to see that we all aren’t that different…instead of proclaiming some socio-miracle formula for a better life and speaking at length about this recipe, maybe just slowing down to feel and express…that would work wonders…right?