Prose of a Con

Poetry and Prose by Russell Wardlow

Mercy

Juneteenth

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Holidays get added and taken away all the time. We’re rich in random and temporary traditions that trump any substantial truth or long lasting and relevant care for the sake of celebrating an excuse to drink, paid time off or time and a half. So tomorrow is Juneteenth!
If you don’t know about it, then inform yourself and look it up.

It’s Black people’s Independence Day and every year most Urban communities celebrate it with events, festivals and parades. But it’s also a part of American History.

So I think it shouldn’t be cordoned off to only black Americans, but ALL Americans
because this way, the day that ALL slaves got the memo that they were free, (I said it that way because slaves had already been freed but places like Texas kept that revelation hidden for an additional year or two). And if we’re all one, and independence day and cinco de mayo is equally important, then so should Juneteenth.

I understand there are so many radical changes in process, but this isn’t radical, this is long overdue. So ask a black friend, search out your social media pages, drive by your near urban communities, or search google earth and head to the big black blotches to see what the celebration is about. Sadly not all black people know about this day, because again, our whole American history isn’t told at length in our schools. But once you know, you can’t un-know
so if you have no black friends, then celebrate my ancestor’s freedom* independence* and citizenship* with me (all three of those have an asterisk because well uhh…you know).

I’m sure we can all* be on common ground and belief that the abolishment of slavery was an American achievement to be given its proper spotlight. 

HAPPY JUNETEENTH EVERYONE!   

8:46

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can I please have your undivided attention?
eh mhm!
an unarmed Blackman
is actually
an armed Blackman
just by standing
you ARE
bearing Arms
Blackman
black
standing for
insidious mischievous dangerous inept depraved savage and more of a nefarious act than
a noun, when you describe a human
as a Blackman
let’s go across the color spectrum
what sounds less dangerous and less aggressive
when you list people by a color perspective
lets see
what are the other selections?
white-pure
brown-earth
yellow-meek
red-passion
and then black
a pit, abyss, abysmal
fear and ignorance, just a few of the underlining narratives directed
just to keep people reacting in fear, when they come across my complexion
somehow BLACK
is now synonymous with a uncontrollable assault weapons
somehow BLACK
needs to be put down or caged WITHOUT DISCRETION
with EXTREME PREJUDICE
because of EXTREME PREJUDICE
EXTREMISTS teamed with the PRESIDENT
for WHITE society’s protection
handcuffs only leave you powerless to their onslaught
how can a human be met with so much injustice
and encroached upon crutched juxtaposition
fighting to live with the smallest means…just for a position
in a society that entails PEACEKEEPERS
keeping the PEACE as ZOOkeepers
treating the LEAST as BEASTS
like endangered SPECIES
tho its DIScrete
as we continue to DEcrease
DEplete
taste DEfeat
face DISease
Hate and DIS-ease
UNSEEing of any MEans
of FREE SPEECH
BEING
or PEACE
telling PEACEkeepers
that in order to continue keeping the PEACE
you have to DElete
US WEAPONS on the STREET
that are a THREAT
to the PEACE the PoLice, police
so you strip them of their PEACE
using your MEANS as a POLICE
patrolling STREETS with your PIECE
DISTURBING the PEACE
instead of controlling the FLEET of PIECES
tearing human beings to PIECES
making people believe
that if you eliminate US from the STREETS
that you are now an accomplished Peace Bringer
by taking the REAL WEAPONS off the STREETS
PIECE by PIECE
with a KNEE
and a PLEA
of
I CAN’T BREATHE
and you’ve yet to CEASE
while WE SEE
and HE
CEASES to SPEAK
because HE’S DECEASED
but you were JUST
BEING
that brave PEACE…keeper
the way George Floyd died
is synonymous with how our community suffers
with the foot of OPPRESSION
RACISM
PRIVILEGE
AND
PREJUDICE
on our necks from our waking hours and thru-out our slumbers
he felt helpless, then laid lifeless on his stomach
after he BEGGED
he PLEADED
he BARGAINED
he remained OBEDIENT
while CALLING out for GOD and his MOTHER
who died two years prior the same day, it makes you wonder
did she call him home from beyond to call attention
to the real pandemic, that is still going on, which our society covers?
for fear of being believed to be resisting
he ONLY FOUGHT PANIC
while his OPPRESSOR’S PROTECTED assault persisted
EVEN in CUFFS
on your belly
with a KNEE LODGED
in your NECK and BACK
CUTTING off your AIR and CIRCULATION
black man
you are still ARMED and DANGEROUS
how long do we have to cry out for help before you give us real solutions
this country has given the illusion of inclusion and evolution
because they no longer hang us
yet STILL KILLED in our OWN HOMES
how can WE CITIZENS FEEL like strangers
now let’s rewind back to Kaepernick
I see why he was attacked and viewed as an antagonist
he exposed the veils on issues white people rather not confront-
celebrating an anthem tradition
that NEVER celebrated BLACK PEOPLE’S contribution
NOR their INFLUENCE
but feel like patriots remembering dead soldiers
but what about the SLAVES
that DIED FIRST for EVERYTHING they GAVE
and lay FORGOTTEN in their GRAVES
and their DESCENDANTS
feel their EXISTENCE
is STILL in CHAINS
like NOTHING has truly CHANGED
so the pretty privileged take offense
when you come off too blunt and make sense
but let’s not Offend People
that don’t care that their privilege and silence Offends People
DISCOMFORT creates change
this ISN’T misplaced or misdirected rage
NOR is it without purpose
the purpose was showed
PAIN
HUMILIATION
GRIEF
FATIGUE
protests turned riots
they didn’t become what they opposed
THEY ROSE
from the concrete, FED UP
ENOUGH
now I don’t applaud the violence
but riots
are cries
of the silenced
MLKJr-cited
there are times when violence is the voice for the silenced
and this is not a time for kuumbyas and violins
this is a time for Social Status Quo DEFIANCE
this is a time for the MEEK to take their place as LIONS
UNWAVERING faces of NONCOMPLIANCE
backed into every corner we come across
WE
have less room
WE
can’t move
WE
can’t breathe
these claustrophobic feelings so eerily familiar,
that my insides are doing somersaults-
amongst Monarch Butterflys WE’RE STILL treated like shunned caterpillars
inside of SOCIALLY STRUCTURED GENOCIDAL HOLOCAUST
how can we succeed with solely a LOVE-lesson?
when we’re stereotyped-kentucky fried
desensitized
incentivize
the prison’s rise
recidivize
gentrified
now centralized
into subdivisions
we’re SUB-sectioned
and we take the daily SNUBS as TOUGH LOVE and let them-
treat us like monetary bottom lines, problems, and momentary headlines
sensationalized for just the instance-
cloaking the truth of the ‘tolerable cruelty’,
unchecked in the unaffected’s perspective
displaying the fractured whole of our existence-
instead of engineering generational inclusivity and evolution
we become PRISONERS of the moment
NOW EVERYONE is in PRISON-
so how can we ever hope to be freed
when that key
was swallowed the moment those in denial of their PRIVILEGE
CHOSE NOT to LISTEN
the voiceless are NOT YET FREED
so the voiceless WILL SPEAK
because the voiceless STILL BLEED
while the voiceless PLEAD
and so the voiceless TAKE KNEES
but the voiceless was SILENCED WITH A KNEE!
do we have your attention now? NOW DO YOU SEE
how can we change, Capitalism shows that CHANGE isn’t CHEAP
America is slow to CHANGE because CHANGE isn’t FREE
but the first action for a CHANGE, should be a CHANGE of SPEED
so there will not be another 8minutes and 46seconds neglected of those in PAIN AND NEED

my proactiv method

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What are we trying to do right?
If we are activists, then what are we speaking to?
Social inequalities and injustices, mass incarceration and prison reform, and a more whole society where all kinds of people are accepted
But how do we do that?
We create organizations and speakers to go out and spread those messages in order to better perform humanitarian acts right
And a lot of these socially conscious people have a holistic or spiritual lifestyle
but what is that
Well if we say that’s who we are, then in that lifestyle we understand the necessary nature of all things, the complimentary relationship of all, and that we are all one, so all things impact each other
yet we go about creating change by separating and tackling symptoms but not digging for the roots to see the causes
It’s like we get stuck on the business side of things where we have to direct a mission statement that tackles identifies and directs itself to an easily absorbable problem in order to be digested by many and then we lock in on that one avenue, but cures tackle a multitude of things from a multitude of ways
but humanitarianism inside of capitalism gets reverted to business and a business has a one track mind of problem and solution, supply and demand, results results results
now you can’t go at the roots, because you need to show financial viability, we get lost in our immediacy, here and now, short attention span world that we only serve instant gratification
we cater to trends instead of courageously creating new trends-new waves innovated to get more people lost at sea to shore, instead of creating content and delivering it in a way that demands attention, we just say people have no time, now by shortcutting the process we short change the impact and the people we are trying to help
we’re scared of risk tho this is all risque

When trying to change things we have to speak about everything, the conditioned mindset, compassion and empathy capacity, by informing and relating, speaking of experiences and trauma not only the system, it has to be personalized, because the system is made by flawed people, but the system is just a thing done by people, it’s not a person, we need to be champions of people, not systems.

Words have meanings and connotations, the broad strokes we paint over process experience and solution does more to disconnect with the paths of certain people, solutions need a personal touch
we seek anecdotes with various methods that are tone deaf, so I searched synonyms that painted a picture of how most people go about finding anecdotes

as follows:

nostrum-an untested and questionable remedy made of secret ingredients, an ineffective solution…
this perpetuates a cycle of diagnose and need

panacea-a universal solution for all problems, diseases, or woes…
but all classes and experiences aren’t created equal

Impasse-a situation that seems to offer no solution or escape, a point of stalemate…
the flaws of a system narrate this definition

Catholicon-a universal remedy…
sounds Catholic, kind of passively coercive

Ratiocinate-to work toward the solution of a problem through logical thinking and reason…
but where does spirituality apply?

In order to want to help people you have to be able to get in touch with your humanity and willingness to listen outside of what you believe you know, in order to do that we have to be comfortable with digging deep, and if that’s hard then we have to have people around that help and make that journey safe and show how to safely do that, we have to reintroduce proper love of others and love of self
we do that by our stories, sharing our truth, so people can see where we are similar, makimng it easy to listen trust and unite, while not seeing our personal beliefs as lines of separation but as doors of oppurtunity to share oneself with another, both by teaching and learning, thereby creating understanding, a common ground

When I’m released, I will go out and work for universal unity, and through that we will create ever lasting relationships consciousness empathy and compassion that will better our society and its forgotten hurt lost angry confused and anxious souls
Working for a better justice economic health and prison system, social responsibility and accountability to each other thru music poetry spoken word performance art and my story, because in order to create true change, we can’t tackle one issue at a time, we have to tackle a lifestyle and embrace the uncomfortable moments it takes in creating it
this WayOfLife-style is love life liberty and enjoyment, and we live that by being bold in our sobering truths

in order for many groups and colors in America to arrive at the awareness and privilege that exists now, which still needs more evolution, they had to embrace being uncomfortable and believe themselves equally worthy of love and liberty

So my moniker is WayOfLife, my way is of love because love is the highest truth, Instead of being comfortable with only parts of someones truth, let’s be bold enough to love them because their full truth, even the things you may not agree with because it’s what makes them them, and you you, there is a harmony to that, a balance and equality struck of allowance
we will be better served if we get out of this force mindset, and start becoming more allowing of peoples peace space and process, only influencing by enlightenment, not entitlement nor enforcement of ideals and methods

So I will be the actionist, because it’s about ACTION, and I will speak and act for the human soul heart body mind and spirit, highlighting the human condition and its cultures, regardless of color although I will make concerted efforts to make aware the plights of my culture and even the culture of others and my experiences walking in the shoes of many different identities from apologist to conformist to alien to lost to light

let’s not keep waiting for moments of tragedy to remind and ignite us to Action

redemption

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To Reach for Redemption
we must first Recognize your Reality
Release Resistance
Respond with Resilience
Realize your Reapings
Revel in your Revelations
and Rumble Young Rebel, Rumble!
because Redemption, is an act of defiance

cut thin

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I cut myself
and watched my flesh-
this temporary shell to which my spirit hides within-
break apart
to the intrusion of this life’s pain
and as the blood succumbs to the pressure of gravity
a pressure I know all to well,
it cascades down-
painting all in its path
I smeared it
as if molding clay pottery
my trail of tragedy,
cloaking the skin that once was its captivity
although free for now
before it too,
like all things surface,
is soon washed away and long forgotten
disappearing to distant memories
for it was only a temporary experience
a quick and baneful existence
because no pain lasts forever…
or so they say
and the scar-
a reminder of my suffering surface-
marks the vulnerability of shallowness
so why live there?
when what lies beneath heals what lives in plain sight
I wish my spirit free
better to be deep
when it’s the surface that always breaks first
but I guess its a matter of perception
because self inflicted cuts,
hurt less than the ones life has given me
or maybe its the control I have
versus the consistent lack of
I even feel myself more
than the obedient punishment I take otherwise
I just want what’s inside to be free
so everyone can see who I truly am
and each cut,
is but an attempt at peeling back one layer at a time
maybe you’ll see me then
maybe you won’t
just as,
I can’t control what you see in me because of life’s inflicted cuts,
I can’t control what you see in me because of my self inflicted ones either
I’m stuck
because even when I have control
I’m still powerless

that power word

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power…
what is too much power
when challenging establishments and norms
when uprooting inequalities and integrating balance
what or when is it too much power
what is the balance too which when one side feels to impeded and imposed upon
what is the shade to with which feels too dark for those closer to the light, and too light for those used to the grasps of darkness
I ask you
what is too much
and what is not enough
is there or will there ever be a zero balance
a place of equilibrium where we all can coexist on equal footing
a line of humanity that doesn’t bend or break to animality
what is too much power
when you have a voice and a mind of your own,
objective enough to know how to recognize a problem and find equatable solutions without bias, all the while subjective enough to conjure its own emotional vulnerability that connects to the emotions of others orchestrating the notes of change
and at what cost for power
what is the consequence of position
is there a fair sacrifice for the power inherited that may make others more uncomfortable in order to make more of the “others” comfortable
well give me that position!
I want power!
that power that can be the bold unwavering compassionate loving and courageous face of change
I’m willing to lay my life down for it, creating generations of prosperity harmony and liberation, all through love
I don’t want to be that person that’s nods their heads and cringes internally, being too uncomfortable to challenge errors biases and oppression because I fear loss
for what is loss to an eternal spirit and soul
this body and its worldly possessions are all temporary
and the things that may bring me to have fear are also all temporary
but that which I love can be forever just as I and we all are at our core
so why lose sight of our eternal natures for our temporary motivations and pleasures
give me power and I will empower
give me power and I will enlighten
give me power and I will ensure energy
the energy that fights and doesnt settle, nor succumbs for possessions or at positions of squander and its rations of prosperity and loss
give me power and I will embolden the silenced
give me power and I will enchant the hopeless
give me power and I wll enable a culture of empathy
and we will move forward to a more peaceful and prosperous paradigm of oneness
give me power because the only thing I fear is accepting the role of being powerless and living helplessly within the same status quo
power won’t change my mind,
my mind has already been changed and evolved from the belief of having a lack of power,
to the finding and now knowing and understanding of the fact that I always had it and didn’t need anyone to grant me it
give me the power because it will change their minds…it will change your mind
and if you can take that change or not will be the decider of how much power, is too much power
but my answer is that, if that power is rooted in love, than only fear would ever seek to limit power, because the power of love and not the love of power, will never be too much power
I am powerful