I’ve wandered
mind body spirit
on soulful quests
manifested in flesh
and I’ve wondered
pondering
mind body soul
on spiritual excess
expressed in flesh
oh, and I admit
lucid thoughts
culminating in
beads of sweat
but what would one expect?
I’m still a man
and at some primal level
I’m just a man, at best
my animal inclinations
no different from the next
for years
I’ve gone without
soul searching
with higher ideals achieved
exempt of sex
urges repressed
then mindfully suppressed
vivid thoughts and feelings
digressed
and as the years live on
old memories stretch
but I’ve wondered
now that one chapter
begins to close
as I rapidly happen
upon the next
wondering, what’s next
more and more
maybe even more than ever
I contemplate sex
in mutual ways
which align with my
new understanding
the theatre of domination
has lost its role
and now I seek
a combination of souls
vibrations applauded
by the sounds of flesh
spiritual excess
two sacred spirits
consenting, condensing
relenting, then relentlessly stretch
an ebb and flow
a kaleidoscope a colliding souls
a giving embrace
both responsive at all
levels of consciousness
summoning all senses
at the spirits most densest
time travels of eternity
lost in the confusion of
uncounted minutes
projections received
as one seeks
then discovers
the other receives
then uncovers
the prodding back and forth
of breath and flesh
is just a surface dialect
but as the tri-unity of bodies intersect
a deeper ethereal experience manifests
and once I was
only a man, at best
wandering, pandering sex for sex
but I’ve wondered
what could it be,
like
to have out-of-body experiences
in quantum galaxies
of absolute expressive realities
in the relativity of flesh
changing the dynamics
of the one dimensional
dominion of role dominated sex
where the slightest caress
is a spiritual retreat
and soulful conquest
as accepted entrances
no longer intrude
but excavate
escalating explorations further and beyond
with each harmonic prod
synchronicity
changing the landscape of depth
words lose reason and phrase
a new language raised
unclothed in assented,
incremental breaths
and I’m more than just
a man at best
It’s been so long
but this is how myself,
and understanding more,
first met
I’m just as fulfilled now
with the mystic wonders in my head
than the memories stretched
of shallow surface sex
as for how it will be?
it will be.
and that is enough for me
the chase,
ruins the meet
collisions are far from the peak
accepted mystery, is mastery
but sometimes
I escape from my spirit
to my flesh
because a man
loves to guess
so instead of wander
I wonder
mind body soul
then I
digress…
Love
Living Liars
there’s this lie
one that you must know about me
I wrestle with it
more than I do my pillow
fighting to listen to sound sleep
I don’t want you to know
me by this lie
yet you do, already
more than you know me
by anything else
or other than
something else or anything
other…wait,
confused myself
guess I just want you to
better understand the lie
you will know then
who I am, really am.
seeing what I have
been up against
you are
better able to see me
know me
hear me
trust me
help me. heal me. whole me.
but you don’t know me
by first, hearing my truth
still you can’t see
beyond my lie
far enough to
absorb my truth
and care.
but to care,
you must know the lie first,
reason being..?
you live it as well.
how does one live truth
rediscovering lie after lie?
unlearning and relearning
in years too far from childhood
it seems
the lies are the layers
which lie in procession
to one’s core truth,
core of truths.
the lies are fodder
old paint
chipped away at
or the splintered wood
chopped down
never sanded.
I was spirit
before being
I was celestial
before extraterrestrial
I am absolute
relatively speaking
I am imagination and will
manifested
I am vessel
for truth realized.
king, in one mind
god, in the other
but, I was born a lie
then became human.
before man
I was child.
and even before baby
I was black!
though your mind denies
color is unseen
and my certificate of birth
readies the lie
signed, into truth
I am a lie
you carry it out
by reinforcing a world
which accepts it.
you see me
and say
he’s black
I am and am not,
I am and am more
I am
but
the lies you tell yourself!
dressed as truths
they appear worn
picking with no sense of details
the lies I believed
trying to discover
truth.
new clothes, I’ve rarely tried on
the lie I became
knowing no truth
the truths I know–
outcastes, of lies–
have to convince you
and me
of the truths, we live
being lies
the lies we know
obscure the history
of truth’s time in the sun
so I need you to see me
I need you to know the truth
my truth
your truth!
Son shine, Sunshine!
Sun Shine!
but if the moon,
remains eclipsed
you will never will
true sight
until you understand
the dark is the truth
and the light,
the way
Frantz Fanon said
”a Black, is not a man”
so my lie
is harder to escape
than yours
a complex problem,
with too simple a solution
to be believed, in
so since the details matter
‘rejected’
is who I am
until we stop living lies
Secret Bliss
I made love to her
a time or two
not in ways
I once knew–
before not knowing, more–
fore, she knows me not
nor, I of her
her and I are..how do you say..??
senseless, in this manner
though change being, all there ever was
and is, all things
our lack of touch, changes nothing
when still, chills and thrills
amidst stillness, is instilled
like stealth
imperceptibly, we feel
alas, we know each other
as one another
yet others, as one
Wine in My Cup
if I were to imply
I’d imagine grapevines
pumping my heart’s fill of,
red wine
seeing processes through,
my gullet indulging time
pouring you into my cup of life
your sweet and dry
meeting my lips
cold as dry ice
then a warmth ensues
two natures combined
as I consume ages of truth
in the form of you
but that’s only if I were to imply
the chemistry,
between you and I
Movie Bye’s
if I told you not to,
go
would you?
life isn’t a movie
and yet I find myself
wanting to live one
wanting to request
something from you I do
not deserve
something out the blue
and you would say,
”OK”
that you’ll wait
for me
and sense,
will begin to be made
and pieces will fall
into place,
which were
never placed before
only imagined,
or hoped
but I just don’t wanna
see you…
go.
though I’ve never seen you
this is what I already
have to go through
watching you fade
away
some still-image
of you
traveling away
from me
before I’ve had the chance
to bring you close
selfishly,
telling you the truth
my truth,
as if it was ours
even still,
as I watch
your invisible ‘self’
leave,
”don’t go!”
though I know you must
and will,
a spec in your drawing
a glimpse in your frame
I was never a color
on your canvass
though I dare to be
detailed,
composed within
your creative eye
and your spacious view
with no room for two.
anyway
purpose awaits you
just thought I’d be
dramatic
because life isn’t a movie
but maybe we could’ve been.
ridiculous, right?
I haven’t even begun to
tell you why you should
stay,
or stray.
”Way.”
Back to Reality
I elevated my mind
stimulants fuelled a cathartic state
battling still contemplation
the war between the two
opened doors to my spirit’s dimensions
infiniteness
waves of continuum
I plucked a lily in a field of frequencies
which swayed like flowers in a trance
the lily caught my eye
a godly mind intuited
and then, a gardenia
reflecting on my purpose
raw,
yet pure
and I sought a hibiscus
opposites are complimentary
so contemplatives’ attract…
cathartics
that makes sense
in this quantum realm
where every step is a quantum leap
every jump,
an astronaut’s curiosities
violets abide
still I searched for you
in a field of flowers
or frequencies
waves of continuums
needing to sense your experiences
or experience your senses
is that senseless, here?
either way,
you always stand out
though finding me-
your only flaw,
how don’t you see me?
do the frequencies you exist within
blot me out?
am I too obscure?
perhaps, too much a mystery,
to your perceptions?
or is it that,
one neglects to notice the non-flower
the one who never fits
in
though it beams and beckons
like eyes resembling a lighthouse
shinning onto you?
guiding you to shore
or are you too adrift
land being too convoluted for you
your senses, a megaphone
every stress and tension amplified
the music of being, shifting from
a choir
to an orchestra
to a siren within a riot
maybe you just need quiet
I am a scrambled mesh of
treble bass and reverberation
at times, suffice it to say
maybe it’s not me
maybe you’re too spectacular
to yield in awe of
the miraculous.
are you aware of this
as a possibility within you?
I couldn’t blame you
being a marvel all of your own
how does it feel?
is the sun, just the sun to you?
a blameless and jaded star,
in your vast sky?
who am I to tell you,
that I am more than a star?
more than the sun?
what would that even look like,
let alone sound?
I let down my mind
stimulants wearing like aged clay
shaking my head
like a lion reveling its mane
and like that,
the thought of you dissipated.
but never the memory
it’s clear and registered like a
…passport
and though I can’t travel
I can fantasize…
or dream