time and time we create lines and lies
circumscribed
to describe our circumference size
then recreate lies for likes
derived from
deep-rooted ties circumcised
contrite with ‘other side’ diatribes
dominance over emotional competence
kill or be killed
predatory instinct versus intuition
now heart’s intention, isn’t as obvious
the truth probably is
we’re less united
and more Darwinist lobbyist by the way we choose to survive
tension is contrived
heart is denied, ego is supplied, love gets deprived
mentally scribing coerced truths reinforcing lies
self hate romanticized
resolute in pride
internal revelations we hide
external revolutions subside
separation is epitomized
believing we think see & speak from our own mind
systemically baptized to despise and disguise
our rebellion is really conformity’s cry
mournfully we’re morbidly tired
and morally blind
of the wars
going on inside
so we’ll orally lie
traumatized
beef and violent antics, broken homes, torn relationships, lost friendships, derogatory labels we use as adjectives superlatives nouns and verbs
is our deep emotional wounds dramatized
we not prophets we realist
we not realist we prophets
really, what’s real is profit
battling withdraws over deposits
reality is we seen it all
truth is we’ve witnessed nothing truthfully
because when truth isn’t lived, the saga sick cycle sired cyphered siphoned cyst of a sinus system under the sun repeats itself
at only 6 years of age, I felt I lived 6× my lifetimes in my mind’s eye
I seen the tired and painful despondent look in my mama’s cries
and for some reason I had inherited her hurt
generations before my birth of lost worth and a spirit inert
and I’d wear it on my shirt
because I was doomed raised and statistically predicted to be marginalized
so truth is
we haven’t seen nothing at all
we’ve been doing the same thing no differently
division
difference is
indifference doesn’t discriminate differently
so we differentiate with distance and decisions used to distinguish our difference of opinions no differently
at the end of each division
the difference is
we only created more dissension & distance with endearment diminished and connection upended
but didn’t do a damn thing differently making us any different
than both
victimizer and victim
parasite and host
hostage and hostile
repeating toxic cycles
perpetuating symptoms
recreating lies to outline
our worth in purchases
purchasing perks of impermanence as if it’s permanent
adding more baggage each person gets burdened with
what I do affects you
we’re interconnected
and interdependent on our interconnections
separatism invests defects
then detects insects we ingest that infects roots
so the unity we reject
creates dejects pretexts and precepts
where lies erect because we eject truth
now those recreated lies intersect like
perpendicular binds of conflict
being more content with contempt
bodily actions illustrating mental captivity myths and
placated fears we all discern with
impacting each of our journeys from
birth to
growth while developing worries to
gurneys
bodies buried or
scurried in penitentiaries
from
childhood visionaries
to
hood emissaries
then
misery missionaries
to
prison
where commission of guilt over forgiveness
gets spent on commissary
or
in solitary
fast-paced lifestyles like bad taste fast foods where
time is the monetary value
but we don’t spend time wisely so
we need the value menu
pulling up at the drive-thru of superficial self-identity
”I’ll take instant gratification
masking abandonment issues insecurities plus some capping creme in a cup of emotional deflection,
with a side of tough tony proclivities please”
would you like to supersize or compartmentalize that disguise today?
”fuck it you got me, I’m all in, it’s all out there, I got on long sleeves so supersize every affinity!”
we get what we ask
daily we order self-destruction
a life built on desiring things
and hiding within them
projecting our brokenness
ignorant to the damage of our touch
and if hurt is touch
then pardon the metaphor but
you’ve been touched too much
so we are numb to what we’ve become
like snacks
we consume everything as it is
so quickly because it’s really so little, that its nothing at all
and that state of nothingness, lasts
therefore, what ensues is
more issues
more hunger
more thirst
more stomach aches and heart hurts
going through you like calories your body burns
and everything you take in turns
to ashes
and we all
fall
down
crashed
the red bull which gave you wings, stripped your wings
defiant ’til the end as
doors disappear
hallways narrow
walls close in
ceilings drop
sounds echo
your treble trembles
your bass shambled
emotions scrambled
your thoughts channel
traumatic images from a life gambled
commemorating scandals
til they’re too heavy to handle
showing out like bad love handles
your
reality like the aftermath of disasters struck
the cloud painted with smog
from blazing desires that cloak the sky like the Desolation of Smaug
engulfing everything in its path
natures law
proximity undistinguishable by fog
disoriented by all the smoke inhaled as embered flurries fall
acid rain
symbolizes your tears
that which you reflect
you project
after all
you are what you eat
and you arrive
where you seek
physical detainment
spiritual estrangement
emotional derangement
in this case
the D on the range meant
the distance we keep and shoot from
landing our goals further away than the range of Dame
all because the lies we’ve aligned and subscribed
only work to subvert and hide what’s deep inside
maligning
one side from the other side
one sign from the other sign
one type from the other type
one color from the other you get the message right
we celebrate pain as if
we favor prison over freedom
savoring minutes over lifetimes
sacrificing kids for lifestyles
satisfying systemic status quos
instead of building our communities
we kill over zones we don’t own
choosing self-extermination over self-determination
(Dis-stance continued): this portion is a meditation, just close your eyes and allow the words to take you where they take you, now listen….war of the mind
left side/right side
left side/right side
left-separation segregative, form, individual logic rational isolated
abandonment-walls
right-integrative, unity, whole, formless, creative, intuition, imagination
family-doors
left side/right side
his side/ my side
his color/ my color
us/ them
this/that
crip/blood
love/hate
separate/oneness
individualism/wholeism
current state/desired state
woman/bitch
brother/nigga
neighbor/opp
capitalism/servant leadership
gain / loss
convict/cop
(going out skit, don’t need school need money)
fuck you I got me I’m good fuck this fuck that fuck them fuck bitches fuck you white brown black red yellow green pink rainbow whateva on my dead homies on my hoodx3 on my kids on my mama on my skin white pride brown pride
black lives matter
fuck cops
yes your honor… no sir your officer no your honor
(end meditation)
now what do you see
where are you at
what surrounds you
you’re exactly where you were going
with the sounds and vibrations and lacking relations you were creating
you understand now
you arrive where you seek
abandonment issues has you peaked
scared off loss
but reach!
at what point in time have we ever been free
plagued by misunderstood emotions that were meant to be as guides not enslavers
identifying our persons by our patterns of behavior
but self-knowledge is what’s truly tough
when will our kids mean enough
when will women be anything more than tools we use to get what we want and then drop off
when will it hit us that we can’t do it all alone
we need relationships
how many hints does it take
when will being a neighbor to our hood and not a terror get through to us
when will our life actually matter to us
besides when someone is trying to take it from us physically
what are we saving or protecting anyway?
do we even feel alive
what do we live for
what do we gain without building relationships
I read in a book,
we automatically give to each person we meet
but we choose what we give
our words
actions
must constantly set the stage for the life we choose to live
paraphrasing a quote which said, ”if you don’t use your mind to free yourself, then somebody will use it to keep you a slave”
life’s journey isn’t defined by individualism aged
but decisions we make to get out of our own way
persevering circumstance and conditions
rebuilding relationships
recreating change
breaking generational chains
freeing self from self-imposed cages
day by day
& this moment
this graduation
can be the united stance
not dis-stance
onto our life’s
very own
11 step stage