Russell Wardlow

when you have new growth
and you grow in a place outside which you first grew
then you go back to the place which you first grew
trying to find someone in a place which you outgrew
and you can not find what you grew into
because where you grew
is beyond where you were first grown
therefore you have to look outside of your comfort zone
to reap the harvest of your growth
because the places you once knew
no longer recognize you
no matter how familiar they may be, you now see them differently
so the desires you now have
can’t be found in the place where you first recognized yourself
because now you have grown into someone new
an adult
and prison did that
just as you can’t go back home and search for a new family
you can’t go back to prison to search for freedom
love don’t live there
and if it lives there, it only rents there
therefore, love don’t last there
go into a different field, a place that can bear your growth
a place to which you have not outgrown
no adult spends their free time in a play pin
manifesting a higher stream of consciousness broadens your horizons
you do not look for light nor definition in shade
so the partners you pursue have to be of an environment that compliments your growth
you have to look beyond the small peaks which you originally hailed and sprang from
make sense?
I explained this to a friend about my search to find a conscious woman
conscious in culture history spirituality and the human condition
at least having an opening inclination for broader acceptance of things not here or deeper scope of intrigue in things that are her
mindful but confident in the intuition she naturally summons at a clip higher than men
he has one, but I do not
the only woman he knows who is like that, he loves and has
that’s beautiful
and I know several, yet have Nada
that’s beautiful too, in its own way
the reason for this whole talk is because people scale the people they know, based solely on their own experience or where they came from
and to most prisoners leaving, who have bettered their selves
have to seek in the same lake which they have outgrown
and most of the people there are still as they were…maybe a little jaded
so they freed prisoner will either intrigue them
overwhelm them
or suppress himself, dumb his self down just to fit back into the place he outgrew
because being larger than life is damn near impossible
becoming larger than the life you once had is damn near crucifying
so you either remain diligent in your new identity
especially if you are incapable of having the resources to move anytime soon
or you just stow away all you learned for a rainy day when you’ll actually need it in a crowd that makes growth less miserable to possess and more normal to express
and readapt to the place you should now be king or queen over
yet by pressure to fit in, you have reduced yourself to a peasant once more
and so the cycle repeats
and this is how society polices and marginalizes itself by design
the structures hold
and growth seems so oppressive, better to blend and be dwarfed by assimilation
so opposites really attract, especially if you do not realize you are opposites, training yourself to believe you are the same
because what is life but searching for self everywhere you go
but who you are, when you deny yourself and become someone or everyone else just to fit in seamlessly without struggle
and then you date that version of self, and call it happiness and love
while deep down…well you already know where I’m going with this
no wonder so many people feel empty and so much love fails
because we have failed ourselves
by deciding to settle for less than we are
‘the mind, once stretched by a new idea, can never return to its original dimensions’- Ralph Waldo Emerson