when you have new growth
and you grow in a place outside which you first grew
then you go back to the place which you first grew
trying to find someone in a place which you outgrew
and you can not find what you grew into
because where you grew
is beyond where you were first grown
therefore you have to look outside of your comfort zone
to reap the harvest of your growth
because the places you once knew
no longer recognize you
no matter how familiar they may be, you now see them differently
so the desires you now have
can’t be found in the place where you first recognized yourself
because now you have grown into someone new
an adult
and prison did that
just as you can’t go back home and search for a new family
you can’t go back to prison to search for freedom
love don’t live there
and if it lives there, it only rents there
therefore, love don’t last there
go into a different field, a place that can bear your growth
a place to which you have not outgrown
no adult spends their free time in a play pin
manifesting a higher stream of consciousness broadens your horizons
you do not look for light nor definition in shade
so the partners you pursue have to be of an environment that compliments your growth
you have to look beyond the small peaks which you originally hailed and sprang from
make sense?
I explained this to a friend about my search to find a conscious woman
conscious in culture history spirituality and the human condition
at least having an opening inclination for broader acceptance of things not here or deeper scope of intrigue in things that are her
mindful but confident in the intuition she naturally summons at a clip higher than men
he has one, but I do not
the only woman he knows who is like that, he loves and has
that’s beautiful
and I know several, yet have Nada
that’s beautiful too, in its own way
the reason for this whole talk is because people scale the people they know, based solely on their own experience or where they came from
and to most prisoners leaving, who have bettered their selves
have to seek in the same lake which they have outgrown
and most of the people there are still as they were…maybe a little jaded
so they freed prisoner will either intrigue them
overwhelm them
or suppress himself, dumb his self down just to fit back into the place he outgrew
because being larger than life is damn near impossible
becoming larger than the life you once had is damn near crucifying
so you either remain diligent in your new identity
especially if you are incapable of having the resources to move anytime soon
or you just stow away all you learned for a rainy day when you’ll actually need it in a crowd that makes growth less miserable to possess and more normal to express
and readapt to the place you should now be king or queen over
yet by pressure to fit in, you have reduced yourself to a peasant once more
and so the cycle repeats
and this is how society polices and marginalizes itself by design
the structures hold
and growth seems so oppressive, better to blend and be dwarfed by assimilation
so opposites really attract, especially if you do not realize you are opposites, training yourself to believe you are the same
because what is life but searching for self everywhere you go
but who you are, when you deny yourself and become someone or everyone else just to fit in seamlessly without struggle
and then you date that version of self, and call it happiness and love
while deep down…well you already know where I’m going with this
no wonder so many people feel empty and so much love fails
because we have failed ourselves
by deciding to settle for less than we are
‘the mind, once stretched by a new idea, can never return to its original dimensions’- Ralph Waldo Emerson
Vent
I feel if
I don’t come out all tough
then it’ll seem like prison
wasn’t hard enough on me
because I don’t fit the stereotype
of exiting after a decade
if I come out all silent
then I’ll be pitied
seen as traumatized
too much cautious space given
and tiptoes echoing my surroundings
but if I come out happy, then what?
am I crazy?
did prison not work?
did it not pummel and beat me into submission?
will you not take heed to the trauma that I endured
because I’m not expressing it outward?
why do I have to be a certain way
for you to acknowledge or keep in mind
what it could have been for me in here
without it dominating my disposition?
I’d like to live life and not have the mug
paranoia and emotional dysfunctions prison creates
I want to be sensitive and let go
I want to be able to cry and laugh
while still saying, yea, prison traumatized me
I struggle at sometimes more than other
yet everyday is battle like recovering addicts
but I get by because I aspire to strive thrive and
do more than just survive, because I am more
than prison
but if I don’t come out worse for wear,
how many will not get the attention they need
because I showed up and came out looking alright
I’m not the norm, listen, I am the exception
trust me!
I’m prideful enough to hide my wear and be armor
so I can have enough in me to go back and be a benefit
I have always had to fit some stereotype my whole life
can I just be soft cuddly and emotionally available
tend to a woman’s tears or maybe in some
distant universe we can share tears
and only the warrior surfaces when the time is pronounced
this is so heavy and draining
I have to think about what you think of me
that I can’t think enough of what I think of me
and what I think those thoughts should mean for me
so I can do more than think of who I should be
because I just wanna be
but you may not know this
you need an indicator to verify a stereotype
or to cancel one
so it can help you decide what action to take
stop looking for signs
everyone hides
faith isn’t seen, yet it is
neither is disguise, except it is
someone just tell me, tell us that it is alright
alright to just be, and there are people out there
that can handle and embrace us in their lives
why look for something already pure and perfect?
make it so
Pursuit of Knowledge
per my recollection
insight and perspective
given the information
I’ve become aware of, and
familiar with, this is
what I think maybe is…
since none have reached
the full expanse of knowledge
in any area, therefore
all knowledge is incomplete
as is,
so one whom assumes all
is known has become lost and
limited, all that is known may
be deduced to collective theory,
backed by favoring yet limited
references, being that the source of
all, is beyond comprehension
never take my word for anything
nor anything for granted
ask your own questions, as much
as, answering questions asked
fore you can always add to knowledge
can not the expert be taught?
or the wise man and wise woman
still learn? can you not be just as
much a benefit, as you are benefited?
knowledge is the equalizer of all human
beings, we are all forever free to seek
and wherever this ability is limited
or thwarted, is indeed, prison
given that all things acquired
and created, is in the name of
acquiring knowledge, so then the
pursuit of happiness, can be actuality,
yet in all reality, it is the pursuit of peace,
potentiality, but the source of it all
equating both in one is, the pursuit of knowledge
alas, you are living, free
you are free, free to be
free to reap, free to seek
know and become…
now put it all into works
as this is the act of wisdom
because knowledge is not
immobile, ambivalent nor ambiguous
it is an action, and so action, in its
limitless forms, must always be taken
for the wise
who am I anyway to say any of this?
I don’t know, but I’ll find out
you can join the pursuit, if you’d like
Become as, You Drink
from the untapped wells
of infinite truth
may I sip from you
and then speak satiated
not by the quenched thirsts of pride
nor satisfying the deep boughs of ego
but from the modest hand
that puddled truth before my lips
purifying my tongue
and so I past it on
causing none to become lost
angered nor confused by my word
a word not of me
but from the source that which I came
springing into being
putting word to manifestation
creation, spewed from my lexicon
and then there was life
wherever I was
wherever I went
wherever I left
wherever I am
and wherever I go from here on
I’m Really, Really
I’m really good
if you allow me to be
I’m really bad
if you help me to be
I’m really a stereotype
if you expect me to be
I’m really misunderstood
if you think you know me
I’m really a rebel
if you try to limit me
I’m really radical
if you prefer me like you
I’m really resilient
if you try to suppress me
I’m really misunderstood
if you think you know me
I’m really peaceful
if you don’t provoke war
I’m really passive
if you don’t provoke force
I’m really playful
if you open the door… I don’t like to be bored
I’m really misunderstood
and my pain is the source
Pain On Me
God
grant that I become more than dirt
manifest me as earth
and let the sky rain everyone’s pain
so that the progress of dirt mud to soil
can become the depths of truth
blooming solutions
and blossoming healing
in this field of love
and I ask
the pollen of empathy
be picked up by the wind of compassion
so that the seeds of oneness
can cross-pollinate with the plains of indifference
growing this divine cycle
between earth, and the sky of wisdom
inhaling the air of knowing
pulled by the gravity of peace
keeping us all grounded, balanced
and let this planet be called righteous
the actions manifested as justice
as it lies in the hands of the universe of harmony
while the stars reflect kindness
and All connected, beneath their light
Ra,
let it rain pain on me
I can bear it, I was made for it
liberate me from fear
so that I may only live in love
Hotep, Ashe