SuProsed2B-A-Con
Here we are, a new journey…I’m supposed to be excited, I am, but it’s a different feeling. After all, regardless how better, I’m still going to another prison, so many unknowns litter that road. You know your life sucks when your good news is the prison you left, only to head to another! FML! Will I meet like-minded dudes, see familiar faces, run into enemies, have a tolerable cellmate, or an older buff bald-headed institutionalized celly stuck in his own ways, prison cliché. (Yea, I got a buff bald headed one that looks like Clubber Lane/Mr. T, the odds? Either make him full or make him laugh, I choose the latter!) I’m the guest, that means top bunk, but comfortability and an understanding is a must as men; and these rooms are so small! My mom is across the street so seeing her may make the con’s, dissipate into pro’s, what can’t a mom make better? Oh! I forgot how green and lush trees and grass were, I’ve become accustomed to barren fields no trees and decrepit grass sprouting from the dirt like shy hair on a balding man’s scalp. Houses looked lonely without people, I forgot how life looked in person, I only had lasting movie images. The little things…dirt roads seemed more familiar and welcoming. Highways, businesses, and commuters all ignorant to the shackled man enroute to a new mansion! Lucky me! Ahhhh! This place has been nerve wracking, so much movement and space and people walking so fast coming up from behind not yielding any space, I’ve jumped clenching my fist ready to swing at least 4 times, and the people that have recognized me before I them…whew. I can’t go into too much detail, but not even absent years will resolve unanswered questions, so they became answered. This place is a mini safe haven for many who could not be on the yard I was just on, but still it’s prison, some have to save face and look tough, whatever you need to do to survive I guess, but me…I’m on a better path and beyond this, so once this cultural shock subsides and mini anxiety attack fades, I’ll be back to growing, empowering, and living My WayOfLife.
After midnight now, I’m watching the wind blow through this tree of my ground floor window view where earlier I watched a bird hop by…damn, how much I’ve missed. I can’t wait to experience my son at visit. Journeys.
Daughter, Son
Daughter
stand and speak as a proud virgin
Son
there’s strength in controlling urges
Kids
maturity is an inevitability
but choice is still responsibility
never consent to pressures
never find confirmation in measures
Parents
don’t make decisions for kids, limitations expire
teach, guide, build and bond so they will admire
Daughter
you are more than he can give you
Son
there is more depth than visual
Parents
do not be too critical
if they can confide in you, then they may endorse your principles.
Dear Woman
Dear woman
I fail to respect you
Dear woman
I’ve stolen your worth
Dear woman
I take you for granted
Dear woman
I basked in your submission
Dear woman
I lied for your good, to protect you
Dear woman
I just lied again
Dear woman
I am a parasite, I live because of you, not in spite of
Dear woman
I need more guidance than I’ll allude, I can never make my mind up
Dear woman
be my backbone, I’ll give you credit in bed
Dear woman
my role is cemented with me ahead
Dear woman
take one for the team
Dear woman
take care of our family and delay your dreams
Dear woman
extension of me, give me your hand
Dear woman
I’m sorry, forgive me, I’m such a man
SuProsed2B-A-Con: Do more than exist, Live.
We owe it to people to be open enough to understand them, not because everyone deserves to be heard, this is true, but what can you truly learn if you are so closed off and so woven into your own way. Life is about growth, evolution, and adaptation, all of which are stymied by a closed mind and a jaded heart which will only implant blockers on eyes and ears. The bravest thing you can do is not leap out there in assumptions of others, but jumping out there to understand yourself, so to better understand others. Fear factor, it’s discomforting admitting to self that you may be alien to self. So we all need to know in depth how we feel, how it controls the thoughts we conceive, the emotions that arise after which alters our behavior. We need to understand our own what’s and why’s so we can know how. Dare look at your fears and how they control your life and understanding. Fear, just like love, can be presented in many forms. In life, we should embark and embrace, not resist, because that is only a mere existence. Dare to know yourself, so you can know someone else and truly live by seeing the beauty of difference and the divinity of knowledge, only then can we really learn, teach and empower. Don’t assume, find out, enjoy the journey of discovery. So find the comfort in being uncomfortable at times. Teaching is learning twice, life ceases without knowledge. Do more than exist, Live.
I didn’t know what I didn’t know
now I know why I didn’t grow
I tried reaping what I didn’t sow
so, opportunities kissed me goodbye under a mistletoe
I try to right more wrongs than my pencil wrote
had to get comfortable knowing that erasing ignorance isn’t so blissful
I owed it to myself to listen and know more
I owed it to you, to listen and know more
SuProsed2B-A-Con: If you know someone in prison
If you have a loved one or know anyone in prison, the most important thing you need to know is that deep down they are hurting, lost, ashamed, and feeling guilty. It’s a full time job hiding it in a place where weakness is prayed on. Imagine what that constant lie can do to a beaten down psyche, we all aren’t as strong as we may seem behind bars, weights don’t strengthen what’s inside, this isn’t built for a human to fully function and exist. Day by day it wears on us, the disguise is work in itself. So I ask, if you love them, don’t lie to them, empower them but also let them know their wrongs and what they need to change, because he/she is the last one to get the hint of a change needed within. Lastly, be consistent, don’t come and go, it tears at us, once trust has vanished and loneliness becomes adaptation, we become more animal than people. We are lied to, tested, cheated, defeated, and discouraged everyday, so we need the exact opposite at times to mend the damage. Not many are brave enough to cry Help! So I’ll do it for them. Help them! Pattern is adapted once belief is cemented or hope is lost. There’s comfort in letdowns because they’re expected, surprises are unsettling, unsettle them! Wrong becomes a way because no other way is shown and invested in. Love takes energy and time, so does pain, but only one is worn on the sleeve detected, the other, detached. Change starts with self worth, our self worth is garnered by someone seeing more than we do in ourselves. Don’t leave them, because their hope follows in your wake.
He or she may not know how to ask
he or she may be more ashamed of their past
he or she has to transform to survive
but after all that transformation, how much of the real them is still alive
we don’t always know what’s best for us
but a life is changed when real love invests in us
so don’t forget them, because it’s what they expect
the contrasts in life are the real reality checks
this is what it looks like, being broken, still trying to show that you’re strong
this is where you end up, after never correcting your wrongs
this is what it feels like, when an hour in a day is too damn long
this is loneliness, when most of the day is spent hugging the phone or humming a song
SuProsed2B-A-Con: You Will Remember Me!
SuProsed2B-A-Con
When I was young my uncle told me I will write a book one day, that I have a story to tell. Just the other day, I received a written comment on a speech I gave that said “you will be paid to speak on stage one day”. I knew my life was tough, but I couldn’t see the story, I didn’t dig crying about my life nor telling my business. Now I see that it’s about empowering others whom may see themselves in our stories. I’ve even found healing in it. So I guess he was prophetic in a sense, but I needed this captivity, I say that a lot, but I’ve been able to observe the necessity of my downfalls and shortcomings. The accomplishments and the work put in by some of the greatest athletes, entertainers and other historic personalities all have had storied times of struggle that they overcame. I know what I want and what it will take to get there. My mistakes are my masterpieces yet to be finalized and framed. My potential and promise seem like they’ve been divinely interwoven and set about ripple effects that formed a tidal wave of strength, perseverance, and interpersonal insight. I was recently told to not let the words felon, convict or any other negativity define who I am or what I can be. My struggles have bloomed experience and wisdom which enables me to be/do better. I’ve also became more cultured. I see my story and pursuit as a platform, and being short I can admit one thing, I crave anything that’ll make me taller, because once you see me, you will remember me!
I fought exhaustion for awhile going through trials, expended energy
was morally indigent, feigned innocence, the emblem above my engine symboled ‘limitless’ so never let your memory dismember me
my path is kinetic, prophetic, eclectic, a legend embedded
feasted on my past, don’t forget it, learned from it, I don’t regret it
I’ll do more with less where I’m headed, I’ve said it, you Will remember me!