Whose Feelings are These?

I don’t know
if
if
if
if I have e
if I have emo
if I have emotions!?!
or am I just selfish
would I rather you feel for me
feel what I am incapable of feeling
so I can experience what it may look like through you
and then I can repeat the action
or maybe I don’t want the weight
the weight of feeling alone
and so I want you to feel like I do
I want you to feel with me
so you can share this weight I bear
because I can not possibly carry the responsibility
I do not wish to will myself to hold it all
is guilt an emotion?
what of avoidance?
or impassiveness or apathy?
is the intense desiring of love,
and companionship an emotion
or is it too, selfish?
is desire itself, or lust, an emotion?
or is it too, selfish?
is longing or loneliness an emotion?
or is it too, selfish?
is jade or expectations an emotion?
or is it too, selfish?
is empathy an emotion?
or is it just mimicking?
if I feel what you feel, because you feel
is it what I feel?
or is it my desire to feel what another feels,
because I can not
or do not feel it in myself?
is wanting to feel an emotion?
or am I just addicted to wanting to feel?
is feeling, addicting?
what of being numb?
I
I
I
I just don’t know anymore