I hope you..??…
I’m hoping you don’t think me disgusting
but right now I’m lusting
when something is willfully given up
another affliction beneath the surfaces
and latches upon the host like a parasite
if you didn’t know,
right now I’m fasting
you probably didn’t notice
but that still doesn’t rival my blindness because
I can’t even see you now if I tried
if you tried to show me
I guess I’m too busy looking
obsessing over your visible feminine attributes
I can’t even recall your face
let alone your name
even though I have unsuccessfully taken all of you in
as my gawking has limited your full being
please don’t judge me
but if you must
what would you guess my diagnosis?
am I depraved?
contemplating where these urges derived
am I just like the rest,
to where you find no surprise in what I confess?
or is it something deep and dark at rest
glossed over and unrecognized within me,
because the prevailing culture,
hasn’t taught me enough about this being wrong
making this a thing as common and certain as breath
I don’t believe I have the answer
nor would I believe my own guess?
could I even digest
or fathom the meaning of these feelings contrived?
feelings without form and aim
renders me into chaos,
while balance has taken a dive
spoiled, as more input upon my eyes arrives
it’s hard to deny
when I just can’t be denied
summoning an eventual carnal demise
when you’ve ran the course of shallow supplies
it’s a wonder how my heart still survives..
maybe I should take some advice
would you care to advise?
listening, instead of merely looking would be a prize
opposed to seeing you with an external value apprised
what is at the root of my mess?
maybe a higher truth confessed?
if my heart can assess
with spiritual access
the reason for my ego’s excess
and bodily duress
achieving a glimmer of success
in figuring something that may be blamed
because your beauty is herculean
and maybe I shouldn’t feel guilty,
although I get lost on a speck
I tend to lose focus
but most guys,
would say my eye is on the prize
but I know the true prize
is imperceptible to thine own eyes
and the eyes,
only reflect the mind
and with that admitted revelation
I ponder what is the state of mine…
oh I’m sorry,
were you saying something?
I hope you..??…