I’m not myself
I am not ‘my’ self
I am another self-
an ‘other’ self
I do not know if I had a self I owned
is anything ever truly yours in this life?
self-autonomy, sovereignty, and proprietor
all just exaggerated synonyms of independence
but I feel like someone else
a different self
a self that is not necessarily mine
but also, not not mine
just a self unidentified
or a self that surfaces opportunely when care is lost,
and control is forfeited
an emotionally uninhibited self
that sways like the rough winds at sea
to the rhythm of dark energies
and the eery orchestra of vocal frequencies projecting from my mind summoned by the immediate environment that has plagued my peace
clinging to it like moss foresting the century’s sunken titanic
or barnacles upon my White Whale of Serenity
in other words
I’m acting outside of my self
and have given into the causation of the conditions imposed upon me
resistance is futile
as for now,
I hate
I anger
I hurt
I pain
I rage
I slump
I tire
I give, in-side out of me-no more
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