he just won $50,000!
that takes him to over $200,000 in earnings
each slip up, each shot hit perfectly is followed by a raucous reaction
pure unadulterated joy!
revelling in the sweetness of victory!
gripped by each moment, as if it were life or death
but it was…for him at least
it is his escape
as he talks to the game
competing against the computer
bragging of his greatness in comparison to any on this side of the Mississippi
he was happy
and nothing else mattered much at these moments
because he was completely and utterly both lost, and found in this game
this game of pool pro
and he is a lifer
fighting for a chance to have freedom again
and that is also a fight for his life, literally
so he cant take each moment too serious
because there will be no escape
and he can’t be too loose in any moment
because he’ll lose the discipline needed to craft an escape,
let alone the chance of reaping freedom again
so I smile every time he cheers-
as if it is real money and bragging rights he is winning-
because I know, in many ways,
even currently confined to our room 24hrs/day
given a recent stabbing,
that it is in fact, more than a game
and it doesn’t matter what you think
nor how you feel about it
it’s all he has, and it’s what he chooses, and how he lives with it
I’ve seen up close the alternative
his alternative
and he is just as passionate and lauded in that choice as well
but he my homie, I get it and speak the language
which oftentimes is more listening than anything
making for an easy space of release
this his more his home than mine after all
better his distraction be entertaining
than your judgement as the distraction and entertainment
trying to figure out the rationales of a lifer
is like peering into another plane of existence-
where all things that once mattered take different form,
and now matter takes new meaning-
because you can’t understand with the same eyes and mind,
which has served you as tools of discernment and navigation inside of a unconfined lifestyle
because you’d be left indigent of understanding,
left in an adolescent stage of judgment only
and that in itself is as pointless as not minding your business,
preferring your opinion as fact,
but as a matter of fact,
in here, not minding your own, and having opinions can get you slapped!
if you’re lucky
this shit ain’t no game!
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