Theorizing Sex

I wonder
are asexual organisms lonely?
do they look at the companionship,
shared amongst their peers as,
unnecessary, overbearing, and invasive
or enticing, enthralling?
Do they look and wonder?
or desire their own energy and self sufficiency?
Deciding time shared, is time wasted
and company,
being only distraction of purpose?
Is their understanding,
and motivation so heightened
that they evolved speedily,
as to not waste time courting
basking in their independence
autonomy, and self control?
or
Are they still evolving?
What is a man
or woman
without sex?
Is that all we are,
repressed or ravenous carnivores?
Disconnected from deeper processes that fuel life?
What is sexuality
if not coupled with
sensuality and spirituality?
carnal, carnivorous
delighting solely in the consumption of flesh
the hunting and devouring of surface
depriving what’s inner most of satiation,
but, what then and what next?
instead of sexuality
being the frame of a picture
we have made it solely,
‘thee’ picture
‘thee’ focus
straining to see more
why has disconnection,
become connection?
connectedly-disconnected
but isn’t that the glory of humanity?
its depth and ability to join
on levels deeper and more vast than
surface?
we lie in a state of hypersexuality
with no balancing base
we are either too ravenous
or too repressed
seeing sexuality as a threat
or a debt
I haven’t had sex for near a decade
but that was the problem
I tried, “having” sex
an act of possession
passive control so-to-speak
which blinded me from the treasures of
offering and surrendering
maybe that’s what the asexual creatures got tired of
feeling too obligated
or too taken from
with no real partnership in return
doing the work
while the partial benefits being reaped
were one sided
until it said, enough
refusing any and all advances
and requests
like the hen,
whom asked for help to make it’s bread
withstanding every objection
fueling it’s self empowerment
realizing,
it can both,
do the work
and deny the requests
and still feel fulfilled
the hen didn’t need anybody
the pain only came from the inherited belief that it did
but once that dependency was shook
her independence,
became the envy and allure of all
coveting what they could no longer have
in her, and in self
deprivation becoming prison
a survivable one
one that fosters both,
reflection
and appreciation
and denial,
becoming the crucible of pheromones
the desire to have what one can’t
making the object of desire,
that much more alluring and maddening
because it was a power,
they could no longer possess
a thing, they could no longer ‘have’
it had become free from the prison of shallow desires
and that new power,
her new power,
inherited a deeper knowing
an intimate oneness with purpose and self
becoming so explosive
that sexuality, evolved into asexuality
but us complex organisms
must still be missing the point
sexuality isn’t a definition
its a function of partnership
yet we engage in it as separates
as dominates and the dominated
as stronger and the weaker
as conqueror and the conquered
but what if we were asexual all along
and evolved into sexual beings
by our power of creation
thoughts, words, and actions
all three being creators of spirit
and sex
being the manifestation of creation of sensuality
the sounds we ignore
the touch we misdirect
the feel we callous
the sight we look through
the scent unknown
and the taste we crave
all being shallow
I was
and still am at times
shallow
but since sex is a topic too taboo
and it breeds a decisive consciousness
for how we see and go about self in a secular world
what hope can a prisoner leaving prison
have to better understand relationship
companionship
partnership
and independence as a choice
not a survival skill
if the thing on most people’s minds
remains the elephant not dealt with
because sex is fear
sex will be prison
and we will all exist as captives to it
in one way
or another
and maybe the asexual organism
perceived this,
then deferred being complexed by convolutions
and just stayed,
simple
in that way,
it evolved
while still,
we revolve shallowly
remaining surface
and I can only hope
that when the inevitable moment comes again
I will be worthy
treating it with its due deference
because if I could change the way I view sex
how much more could I change
in this world
as a man
and in my ‘self’
I believe life would now know no limits
what was once repressed or overly ravenous
is now rapturous
all we need is sound sensuality and spirituality
so sexuality
won’t rule reality
but liberate it