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Prose of a Con

Poetry and Prose by Russell Wardlow

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Hmmm

April 5, 2020 by Russell Wardlow Leave a Comment

I’m passionate I guess
I’m just an emotional wreck
my drive is crazy, my life I’ve been crash dummy
I ram into the fork prongs in every road, because split decisions appear too fast for me
my rearview is too near, I soon veer, then cruise by, embracing the scenery as souvenirs
I hoard the past, it controls my future but why can’t sooner be near
it’ll all get greater Russ, the sooner you’re here
yea yea I know, same quote rolling around at the end of every GoodYear
but I’m Tokyo drifting, I’m never present
I flee the moment, the bottom of my cup glitters resin
I try to cope, insoluble solutions attempt to blend but they end up drowning
don’t mean to be a downer
but I understand it better, what else is gravity for
I agitate gravel kickin rocks as my shoes drag with the floor
I binge on coffee, in need of stimulants
I don’t need your sentiments
I just want to be as free as I can be like speech and limitless
but my guilty pleas, bleed my innocents
the bandage don’t fit
the bandage can’t stick
and I’m just like it-I too am stuck in a bad place
pretend to be doing better than I am, like a famous catchphrase
(if u knew better, you’d do better)
pain is weakness leaving my body, but like the lucky number 7, just let me be weak
I could do without feigned excitement, doing time doesn’t call for it, just let me be bleak
this is my moment of pity
though I never do take it
I stand on this hill
and I yell I’m alive
just to see if u hear me
then maybe you’ll see me
get close and you’ll feel me
and maybe believe
that this life that I’m living just isn’t so easy!
I want to celebrate!
I want to be in a group of mutual love,
with family and friends that love me and wanna see me elevate
I wanna look in a mirror that isn’t in a prison
just to see if the reflection of me would be different
I wanna look out and beyond into a window that isn’t a prism
just to imagine if I could absorb the new perceived distance
forget my mugshot profile, I want to be remembered smiling
I want to be seen for my talents
and how I met every challenge
and how I swallowed every last drop of pride, because there was gallons
hydrated everyday as I faced my greatest competitor showcased in the mirror
bouquets and standing o-vays as I stand strong on two feet with two arms and both raised because I am fearless
I am culturally soulful, and the manifestation of spirit
buts its my flesh that gets trapped then continually judged as if I’m forever stuck in a mirror..to be continued

Filed Under: Inside, Spirit

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Prose of a Con

Prose of a Con is a collection of Russell Wardlow’s prose and poetry written entirely behind bars. Through writings on family, spirituality, freedom, love, justice, redemption, and vulnerability, Russell seeks to show the humanity and hope of individuals like himself who are incarcerated.

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