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Prose of a Con

Poetry and Prose by Russell Wardlow

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solitary mind. set

March 24, 2020 by Russell Wardlow Leave a Comment

Being comfortable with quiet seems natural
this c.o. can’t sit still, he can’t keep quiet
he keeps fidgeting and making noise
I’m not moving, I’m in my space
he keeps trying to start conversation
he’s uncomfortable with quiet
I lived, adapted, thrived and developed in it
when you’re without, you do more with less
solitary confinement isn’t segregation
its sensory deprivation
I found an inner voice in that isolation and silence
I recognize my dissociative states
issues I had before during and after that time more emboldened yet more easily embraced
I surf mental and emotional instabilities like ocean waves
what was unnatural became natural
because to show weakness,
despite being deprived aint allowed
antisocial behaviors take flight
though I have company
now I’m my own friend
talking to myself is easy, before I was my own enemy
I don’t need company
company is now decor
company is an amenity, not a need
all I need is myself, everyone else is bonus
this is normal, but its my new norm
all senses are now an overload
I automatically pick up on every detail in all sights and sounds
hunger pains don’t break me
I won’t crack, nor cave
I’m more animal in focus than human
no distractions distract me
I can tune out the whole world
but I know what you expect, so I’ll act normal
though you created this new norm, this insanity
and truthfully, I like it
but not everyone is so thankful
others break
others become worse
because the real truth is that humans are social creatures
and once you take that away
you create animals
and not everyone makes it back from the transformation
…but I did, so I’m blocking this c.o. out
until he asked me if I’m a trump supporter
look at me…really?
most people just really aren’t comfortable with themselves
at that time
he may not have known it
but he was looking to an inmate to provide him comfort
so I gave what he needed
while at the same time, having this convo with myself
solitary mind. set

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Prose of a Con

Prose of a Con is a collection of Russell Wardlow’s prose and poetry written entirely behind bars. Through writings on family, spirituality, freedom, love, justice, redemption, and vulnerability, Russell seeks to show the humanity and hope of individuals like himself who are incarcerated.

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