Cast Away

Preyed upon by light

I pray for darkness

a grim body cast

shielding my skin from the eyeing rays of exposure

to which I fought my whole existence

having yet to live

These stark contrasts battle inside

at war with light

darkness will suffice

who doesn’t hide

I rather hide

I…. need….. to….. hide….

for peace of mind

exposure steals a piece of my-

peace of mind

too hard to confide

within these lighted confines

as if I’m sequestered by detectives

I feel the building of pressure

fumbling my coerced existence

it’s not easy from this point of view

being a spectacle

amongst the biggest spectator

my truth isn’t one size fit all

so why speak what wouldn’t be believed

I’m nothing and no one to be believed

or believed in

believe me

what’s belief but a strong thought

I’m too weak for any strength to be invoked upon

or summoned from me

faith doesn’t exceed beyond my fingers

nor sight

I see more at night seizing my nocturnal sunshine

please keep me asleep in the light of day

fore if I come to, I may be blind

shadows captured and depicted

on the outer feathers of your wings

what’s a candle’s glow inside of the sun

still hidden,

so even you, light, can be hidden

only to the darkness can you be seen

but I bid you good riddens

because you arrive without permission

enchanting my vision as with any glow

beautiful promises arise

either advertised, or implied

so imagine a bug’s surprise

allured to light

just to die

with not enough time lasting regrets of all kinds

you’re clever darkness-

your blanket is poised, peaceful, serene

though the light cuts at you with its mighty sharp and searing sword

slicing a seam of ripped unknown and within one crack you are soon probed,

discovered then destroyed

there’s never been enough room for you both like me,

darkness you’re so misunderstood

light is anything but understanding

empathetic or compassionate

its savage-like and impulsive!

raging its way through everyone’s life

conceding to nothing and no one.

A power truly unchecked

laughing at its counterbalance’s weak attempts

my regrets

my shame

my hurt

my heartache

my trauma

my truth

All vulnerable now because of your insincerity

I’m victimized yet again

falling prey to your self righteous ego

what gives you such majesty

who grants your divine-like supremacy

why are you more weapon to each wound revealing my wreckage

causing more hurt than healing

more nakedness than clothing

more questions than answer

more fear than love

boastfully claiming my access to fulfillment

decreeing my wholeness, telling me to stand upright

while the gravity of your shine buckles my knees

bearing the weight of your accusations

I am no masochist

how could I exalt my own torment

I feel like a sheep within the jaws of a wolf

never wanting your company

only privacy,

now my secrets to bare

embarrassingly my privates peered at by peers

I’m not ready

you force me

you push me

you entice and egg me on

leading me astray leaving me stranded to deal with my unfolding

my feared undoing

I held it together for so long but now I’m unraveled like the flowers

you shine down on

who are you to look down on me

you’re no different than the others

at least darkness comforts clothes and blankets me

coming around me like a warm embrace

not looking down at me like scalding discipline I’ll never…

wait someone is looking at me

someone sees me

how could…?

everyone is seeing me

noticing me

as I walk by

even moving around instead of thru me

oh great they’re just avoiding me

now that’s worst than being invisible

now that they see me, how could they now ever stand to look at me?

to be seen is to want to be loved but who will love me more questions more fears you see?!

torment

how can you see me

why do you even see me

why haven’t you turned away

turning yourself off in my unveiling

I’m no beautiful bride of any kind

a lowly morsel or shell of a man human,

more like it

I’m no gift,

I’m unpleasant just presently a presented present of pretense a peasant with no presence

and still you allow me

to stand in your glory

casting my own shadow

I have a shadow?!

before you…

all I’ve ever been was a shadow

how am I deserving of a follower

how is my symmetry worth outlines

I thought myself deformed now…

reformed without saying a word

you said all there ever was to say

showing me what my mind couldn’t conceive

just look at myself

lights embrace my arrival cascading in my wake

never leave me again fore I wasn’t ready for you

but now I’m unready without you

every fear hasn’t dissipate

quite a few still bubble at my surface

but I blend in

just another promising spirit to be shined upon

and darkness now casted away.