in an instance

How can you give me advice
but don’t know how I feel
you don’t know how I feel
you don’t know how it feels!
I’m edgy…
my toes are a weapon
I’m standing on ledges
tried understanding the death of a legend
just give me a second…
…
banging my head
while I swallow Excedrin
stalking an exit
talking is dreaded
I fear that the people who know me will know where I’m headed
they’ll know where my head is
depressed and suppressing my stress
that may manifest
more than distress
maybe by morning they all ‘ll’be mourning my sketch
don’t volunteer me a medic
whose less sympathetic
numb because to all of the people they see that regretted
just seeking attention
blood seeped from their wrist from the pain they inflicted
or pumping their stomach too full with prescription
you tell me the difference!
of making decisions
for when you’re done living
versus tragedies that take you out in an instance
fallen heroes…
they make do when they have a chance
they make you believe you have a chance
and that you can do anything with that chance
now all I ever wanted was just a chance
but imagine my circumstance
when my hero… was martyred by chance
what is the point of a plan
if your destiny’s stripped from your hands
losing control of the moments
that you’ve always honed in advance
I guess we only own the moment
because nothing is known in advance
likening death to a date,
hoping that when we go out-
we’ll have love holding our hand