True story
I listened
offering my heart translated through words
presence and attentiveness
watching as his facial features tried remaining masked
but I saw thru the facade
knowing who he was at that moment-
a hurt and broken man,
struggling to hold it all together
though he was none the wiser of my discovery
but I get it
not being able to see his kids
no visits since he’s been locked up
a wife being everything to other men but a wife to him
even though he didn’t have much time to do
but I guess any time gone, is time too long
he knew she lied
she’d asked him how does he know
he responded that he could feel it-
deep in his heart
catching her off guard I’d imagine with such a deep revelation
coming from a man of all things
she told him she just wants to do her
and maybe they will get back together in the future
but he’d had enough
rejecting that offer immediately
knowing the devalue of self that would come from accepting that possibility
but not all love is right
and he’d done enough wrong
her explanation of concealing her deeds was ‘wanting to spare his feelings’ (cold…)
to that, he said
“what feelings?”
I got myself ripped from you and my kids being in this situation
the judge made sure he ensured the void
and you have ended any kind of relationship and marriage that we had
“what feelings?”
and I understood him
poignantly
painfully
a putrid feeling invading my re-collective past similar experience ending at the worst time for me
he said the reason it hurt is because he’s at his lowest
“leave me when I’m high but not when I’m at my lowest, when I can’t fend for myself”
but she reveled in the power she gained from his mistaken departure
not gone a second too soon it seemed
why does love continue to get diluted by power struggles?
his existence was now dark cold isolated and hollowed out
a hole carved inside fragments of what was once a heart
the story went on
and as he vented
I saw his resolve
restraint
and his reserve
I believed that real strength was a mysterious feat harnessed by women at deeper levels than men could ever reach
but seeing this man,
a reflection of myself
trying to hold it together
while speaking truth to his pain
still trying to reason and stay afloat
mmm
powerful!
I admired his will
I kept asking myself when will the dam break?
anticipating tears to spring down his trembling cheeks
I reveled at this moment,
seeing victory in him
no doubt she believed she took his fight
but I seen it brilliantly on his face
staying strong for his kids
and for his mom he just listened to cry
whom was flying in to see her grand babies for the first time
hearing the news of an abrupt change of plans by their mother leaving town
malicious
I began to take it in,
validation
we are more than thoughtless animals,
deserving of cages
though we are convicts,
we are people struggling through life like most
but what I wasn’t prepared for was hearing why he was here
he got a misdemeanor upgraded to a felony for a FIRST TIME OFFENSE DUI- refusal to blow though he consented at the station
this one small lack of judgement caused all of this
he did what most would get diversion or probation for
but he was black
so when he said
“what feelings?”
I understood what he alluded to
saying he lost it all
that he has to carry this the rest of his life
so what more is there to feel?
I get it
damn…
I feel you brotha
upon his face bears the greatest lie
while hiding the hardest truth
but his composure will not wilt like a flower in shade
not matter how dark it gets
strength
I told him that it is all a matter of how you choose to react
see what you’ve lost sight of in the midst of your discomfort
there may lie a gift-
a truth only revealed in despair
what I didn’t tell him is
that I’ve heard this same story countless times over the years
as the years have gone on,
my answers evolved
from being the story
to witnessing the story
now counseling the story
his pain was and still is mine
bruh, I get it
hold ya head solja.
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